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need some support

Hi all just need some support don’t know were to turn have been married nearly 21 years have 2 sons age 21 an 17 myself an husband have been argueing constantley it seems for the last 12 months and it has now all come to a head and he has said he is leaving an will be gone by the end of the week im so devastated and frightened i blame a lot of it on resentment to him because i have this illness and can’t do what i used to be able to do but he still can. as i don’t work now had to leave 3 years ago due to ms i get dla and esa but this is only around £700 a month and i wont be able to live and pay my mortagage with this don’t know were to turn any help gladley received.

Jenny

Hi Jenny, so sorry to hear that. I can only begin to imagine how you are feeling. I have no real words of wisdom, I’ve never been through this. All I can say is don’t worry about money, I’m sure you will be eligible for some help if it comes to it. The government will pay the interest on your Mtge if you meet the criteria. Maybe a chat with the citezens advice bureau would put your financial mind at rest. Suz xx

Oh Jenny,

Im so sorry to hear you’re going through this.

Is there no going back? Are you both past the point of being able to sit down and talk about things??? I wish I could offer some good advice but I agree with the other reply that it would be worth talking to CAB and finding out what other help you could be entitled too… Remember we’re here for you

Char

xxx

Hi Jenny

Apart from a few details (I’d been married 25 years and my daughter was 17) your story is my story.

I am posting just to tell you that there is light at the end of what can seem a very dark tunnel. I’ve been on my own 9 years and wouldn’t go back to a loveless marriage for all the tea in China.

As Char suggested CAB can help you to sort out your finances. I won’t tell you that it’s all going to be a cakewalk because it’s not. Living with MS without a partner is nobody’s idea of fun but then living in an arguing, unhappy relationship is way worse.

Jane

Hi Jenny

I had been married 30 years, had 2 children when my husband did this - mine not only argued but drank a couple bottles of wine a day plus anything else he could get his hands on (he said he needed it to cope!). I was devasted when he left but 2 years later, I can see that it was probably the best thing he could have done for me even though I still find it difficult to cope when i have a relapse. (I live alone as the boys had flown the nest before he left). It has taken me the best part of the 2 years to realise is how he had manged to isolate me from friends and family since I had to give up work because of the MS. I am just beginning to rebuild my life. If you need to chat, I needed people to listen to me, feel free to PM me.

Carol

Hi Jenny is there no way you two couldnt just go off somewhere and really talk through things? Sometimes men just say things in the heat of the moment. He will have to find somewhere else to live and it wont be easy for him either, as if the 17 year old is still in education he will have to pay maintenance.

Look if he does leave you need to talk to a solicitor because you say you have a home and mortgage is this a joint mortgage? IF it is you need to make sure your rights are maintained and you keep the home for the 17 year old.

There are benefits out there to help you. Again if your son is in full education my friend got help until he left at 19.

Do you get the disability top up with your ESA?

Anyway I would advise if there is communial property and a child involved that I would see a solicitor they often do the first consultant for virtually nothing. BUT you need to know where you stand ok.

BUT first try and talk to the husband calmly lol. Big hugs. Like the others have said you can get through this. IF you can cope with MS you can cope with anything.x

You’ve had lots of sensible advice and I have nothing to add, just to say I am really sorry that things are so painful for you at the moment.

Alison

x

Thanks everyone for all your advice i know i need to speak to sol or cab but at this moment in time its taking all i have to get out of bed in the morning but i now this has to be my next step.

Thanks again x