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My Husband left me 2 weeks ago.. and I cant stop crying ..

It has been the most terrible time of my life.

My Big Handsom Larger that Life Husband left me 2 weeks ago.

We have had a few ups and downs over the last 6 months but I NEVER imagined that this would happen.

He bought a big thumping motorbike approx 9 months ago, which I did not really want him to buy, he has got his big BMW and he is starting a new exciting job on the 3rd October… and he is turning 40 next February.

He is either having a mid life crisis… or he has got someone else… I just dont know. He is not communicating with me and does not reply to anything that I say or do. I have tried so many times to talk to him but he is like a closed book. There is nothing coming back to me. He says that it is not the MS but deep down I suspect that it is. He promised to look after me when we married no matter what happened.

Both of our families are devestated and cant believe what he is doing. He is living in his best mates spare room.

I DESPERATELY want him to come home, I have told him over and over again, but like I said, there is just nothing coming back. The only thing he is saying is that ‘he does not love me like he used too’. We have just had our 6th wedding anniversary but have been together 12 years.

I am still working and I am up and about but the big things I just cant do any more… mow the grass and go to big supernarkets… that sort of thing. I do have friends but they are work related people but dont have many friends other than that.

My husband is just carrying on as nothing has happened… and I am signed off work due to ‘domestic crisis’.

This is my 2nd marriage. Both familes are devestated and my eldest son went to Uni on Thursday so I am not really knowing what is happening in my life any more. I am 47 this year and my future now looks very very bleak.

Just a few words of comfort would be nice.

Sami

Oh sami i dont know what to say, i feel for you and it does sound like he is very selfish and he doesnt deserve you its his loss ,Me and my hubby have been together 20yrs but only married 13 when he found out his diagnosis i have tryed to support him and will continue to do this.We have had problems ourselves and nearly split about 8 yrs ago as i wanted a family and children and he didnt but we have two beautiful daughters now aged 7yr sand 5yrs and he said he was glad he has had them.He may realise he has made a mistake after a few months and come crawling back ,but i wouldnt wait for him.You need to be strong get on with life forget him,it isnt going to be easy.Have you any mates you can talk to ?do you have a close relationship with your mum. Take care love julie x

Oh Sami. That is so sad and I really feel for you. I wish there was something I could say to help you feel better but I don’t think there is anything that anyone can say to help. Perhaps if you knew the reason why he has left. Not just this I don’t love you like I used to/ That would help you make a bit more sense of it.

If it was me, and I know this would be really hard, I wouldn’t contact him and I would leave him to wonder how I was doing and leave him to struggle on in his friend’s spare room. That is bound to be hard for him.

Hopefully then he will realise what he is missing. You sound a lovely person and you deserve better.

Sorry I couldn’t be more help. Take care and remember we are all here for you.

((((hugs))))

Shazzie xx

I agree with shazzie i wouldnt contact him just leave him to stew in his own juice,He may come crawling back in a few months but definatly dont contact him ,Try to be strong.YOU ARE the better person xxx julie

It’s gonna be hard Sami but like Julie says let him stew and hopefully he will realise what he had!

Shazzie xx

I am so sorry xx I agree that you leave him be for a while. This is hard I know. My ex-husband left me even before I knew what was wrong, he couldn’t put up with my problems. Last October I remarried and I never thought I would. I worry that this marriage will go down the same road but I cannot carry the fear from the last time. At the moment you feel your future is bleak but that is now, your life will get better and it already has. You honestly do not need someone who is going to do this to you and hide behind excuses, to not sit you down and have an honest conversation is harsh. My family like yours were devastated. We are all here for you, keep posting on here when you need to, we will help you through. You are not alone. Sam xx

I agree with the girls, don’t contact him for a while. Whether he comes back or not, you still have your life to live. If you get on with his family then stay in touch with them. You should get on with things hun - you don’t need him Sami. If you have a son going to university then you’ve done that part right so you know you are strong enough to deal with most things. Try online dating - even if its just to do some window shopping & get a few compliments to boost your ego. Try a class at a local college to meet new friends. Or a dance class if you can physically manage it. You know you can deal with this hun. And if he doesn’t get this out of his system then you will be better off without him. Lots of hugs for me JBK xx

Hi Sami, oh love! This is a very sad time for you.

If you have done all the running and he hasnt responded, then it`s time to leave it for a bit and see if he contacts you.

There is little evidence as to why he has gone…could be a mid life crisis…could be he cant cope with the uncertainties with your health.

I dunno…whatever reason he has for this selfish behaviour, it`s a cowardly and despicable to treat someone you promised to love and cherish in sickness and in health.

Maybe has has another woman…maybe his motorbike means more to him than you do.

He aint worth your tears hun, but you are bound to feel hurt, confused, at a loss to work out his reasons.

Its good to know both yours and his family are supporting you.

luv Pollx

thank you all so much for your support.

Im going out fora couple of hours with the the Dog - Monty.

I know he loves me.

S x

(((((BIG HUGS)))) Everyone has said what I would have said. Leave him be, try to enjoy yourself as much as posssible and show him what he is missing. At least you have a really loving support network around you and a dog to cuddle up to. At least a dog doesn’t answer you back!!! :slight_smile:

Sharon x

GOOD MONTY ,AT LEAST A DOGS LOYAL KEEP YOU CHIN UP XXX JULIE

Oh Sami

What an awful time for you. I can’t add much to the good advice you have already had. I do agree with it - don’t contact him any more. Use your network of support, friends, family etc to get you through this. Try and keep busy, take each day at a time. Force a smile if you have to and eventually you will find the smile comes naturally and you will manage without him. Get all the help you can with the physical tasks you can’t manage. Rope some of his friends in if you have to - it will make him look a right snake in their eyes too :wink:

At some point, I’m sure the truth will out. You will find out somehow just why he left you but, for now, stop worrying about it and get on with living your life as best you can.

<> Stay strong

Tracey x

Hi Sami

I agree with what so many of the girls have said so just wanted to offer support and hugs

I’m only recently dx with likely PPMS and I know my other half is struggling, well we both are to be honest and despite everything I know about him, I also know things would be easier without me, so have my fears, I think it’s only natural. The idea of him actually leaving terrifies me so sympathise and hope things will change

Anyway, stay as strong as you can and take care

Sonia x

hi sami

my husband had a midlife crisis at 40 and 4 years later he left me and our sons.

he had an affair with a woman who used to be my friend when i was 17.

he came to see the kids and the fact that i was sat with a glass of wine in a nice calm atmosphere had him begging to come back.

i had him back after 6 months but i would have been fine without him.

for now, make your home your safe, calm place.

start to pick yourself up and like the others have said, show him what he is missing.

good luck sami, you WILL be alright

carole x

he ll eventually come to his senses and realise u are very important to him may be he feels he wants to be by himself for a while having a diagnosis of MS is difficult to come to terms with I’ve just been diagnosed and I feel my whole life as been turned upside down and I am the main carer for my autistic son on dialysis. god knows how my husband feels be throng and look after yourself you need strength too xx

Fairy dust…it’s good to see so many people have reached out to you. pigpen (aka Carole) i knew you were cool and love the way you work so DAMN hard to be independant (Festival No 6) and I really empathise with that. However, how generous of you to share your story, and how sensible you are!, and generous to forgive him and have him back. I am SO glad you are my friend. Anyway Fairy Dust…gather yourself and dust yourself down my dear and keep on keeping on and you will realise that you can cope. I wish I could really hug a proper solid hug but can do only virtual so here we go ((((((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))) xx

Hi Sami ! just to say dont lose sight of the bigger picture, you were together for twelve years and he aint gonna forget about you that quick, he probably feels guilty and ashamed he cant cope with your ms and its taking its toll on him, I know my husband gets sulky when i hav repeated the same thing 20 times or more, then put the keys down somewhere n cant find them again, if i was you sami give him a little time living this new road hes on ! he will soon get bored n for you make a fuss of yourself do something you havent tried before, treat yourself at least 3 times a day even if its a box of chocs, bubble bath, flowers this will lift your spirits a bit, dont chase him if your getting no response you will only hurt yourself more, and remember he is still under the same sky as you, and tomorrow is a brand new day for us all. Take care hun x .

Sami, you are so not alone.

Reading your first post in this thread was a mirror image of what I went through over 4 months ago. The only difference being that we weren’t married and had no kids.

I suspect there’s someone else given the way she left me but she neither confirms nor denies anything. I think guilt does play a part and I cried so much for the first 2 months but when I decided there was nothing I could do, that was the time I had to move on.

I can’t deny it’s hard but you will see when the right time to move on is. PM me if you want as I’m someone who is/was going through the same as you.