Well I’m truly on my own now. I tried to talk to hubby about how bad I was feeling and he just snapped well you were ok a few days ago. Actually I wasn’t but managed to hide it. He now isn’t speaking to me. I know it’s nothing to do with being scared or anything else it’s just him being a @#$@. He is obviously fed up with me and doesn’t believe me so this is the end of my quest for answers. I can’t do it alone. 
Oh Nicky, I wish I was near to you so that I could offer you some help. Please see your gp again, you are very down and they have a duty of care for you. Don’t go unsupported. Is there an mss branch near you? Ou don’t have to have a label to get their help. I am thinking of you. Chis
Try and stay strong Nicky, tell your husband to stop been ignorant, he has to listen to you. Jan x
You can Nikki…got to think positive, i know that my ex (not because of MS) took my diagnosis worse than i did…it was a lot to deal with for both of us. Denial isnt the best way to cope . Is he really fed up with you or do you just feel that way just now, i know the emotions that i went through made me question whether i should leave him just to make it easier on him in the future…i was wrong, he stuck by me and both eventually accepted the diagnosis…he also had moments of being a prized *@#$.
Sit him down and talk to him…maybe you can work things out if you’re honest with each other.
Good luck x
Thanks. He has just gone to the gym so maybe he will take his gitness out there. There is no talking to him when he is in this mood We have been through so much over the last 4 years with my epilepsy diagnosis and employment tribunal I just worry this is the final straw.
Everything seems such a mountain atm Nikki as things are so tough. He is fed up with the fact that you are poorly all the time. It gets them down so much because they want things to be ‘normal’. It is them thinking of themselves first and being really selfish! Obviously it is not your fault and you can’t help it but when it is week after week they have a sympathy bypass and cannot cope. You are strong enough to deal with this and you will! That GP visit will help when you finally get it. Perhaps, an afternoon away from each other will help and he will come home a bit more relaxed and supportive. When I kept being poorly recently my husband got sick to death of me and just could no longer hear it anymore. He just got annoyed if I mentioned my health. I think we find it hard to be objective about all this. They cannot know what it is like to be us, similarly we have no idea what it is like to be them. I am sure you will both get through this. Hang in there. Teresa xx
Hi Nik, sometimes my hubby says things I feel hurt about but when I tell him he has hurt me, he always tells me Ive got it wrong.
But after 40+ years youd think hed know me well enough not to say those things in the first place, eh?
But no, hes a bloke. same as yours, yeh?
I reckon they are fed up of hearing it…but theyre not as fed up as we are of having it`, eh?
luv Pollx
Oh Nikki,
You’re not on your own, we’re all here and understand. It’s not easy for the o/h to come to terms with, but go and se your doc’ and ask for support. Don’t bottle it all up it only makes you feel worse, don’t hide how you feel from him or else he will nver understand, try telling him bit by bit. That’s how I got my o/h to understand more about how I feel. In the mean time I send you loads of (((((((HUGS))))) Don’t forget we’re here for you.
Janet
x
Hi Nikki
What great replies you have had.
My hubby is supportive practically but emotionally he is useless.
I thought i was the only one on here married to a selfish b%$£!&%.
I’ve been with hubby 25 years (18 married) but while i’ve been struggling this last 18 months he has not supported me as well as i would have liked. A strong marriage is feeling the strain!!
What comes around goes around i believe. One day he may be the one who needs the support!
Come on here to get the support you need with people who understand.
Teresa.x
Hi Nikki
Don’t give up.
Last week just before I was meant to have my neuro review me and my other half had an argument because I asked him what questions he wanted answered from the appointment. If he was ill with something I’d want to know what and how I could make it better. He said I’m not planning on any questions - well you can imagine how I felt (didn’t he want to get to the bottom of things). I also was upset when he wasn’t home after my neuro review in the past and had gone out with his friend as I wanted him to be at home to talk to about what happened (its not like I have a common cold and seeing his friend could have waited for a nother evening).
Marc my other half is fantastic the majority of the time - he is amazing and very supportive. But I think men are men and they think of things differently and some times have to be told you need their support or need them to believe. I do also think they don’t understand because they’re not experiencing the symptoms - I guess it must feel hard as they’ve lost the fun person they were with and are with someone who now is obsessed with their health.
It’s a difficult situation. Our partners aren’t wrong for feeling like this and we aren’t wrong for wanting their support - we’re going through something very difficult. What makes it harder is not having answers. There’s no right or wrong situation of how to deal wth this and certainly I’m not the best experienced. But I guess having a network of people you can talk to so you’re not just inundating your partner with everytjhing may take the pressure off alittle. Having a bit of space to think about how you both feel and then sitting down to talk when you’re ready. I think both parties have to try and understand the other. It’s not always so easy to do this though is it? I think going to the MSS is a great idea or trying to meet up with others that are undiagnosed as all of us know what this journey is like.
Don’t give up though. Things will blow over. I think if the other person loves you they might blow their top but at the end of the day they’ll be their when it counts.
Thinking of you
Reemz
X
I would guess that it is perfectly possible that our hubby is just not dealing with it. Stress causes people to lash out. You talking about means he can’t ignore it.
So he is not any help at the moment (or worse) but as others have said Hang in there.
Jon.
Thanks for the replies. X I tried to talk to him yesterday but the only thing he kept saying was that my memory issues were p*@#$@g him off and he was sick of it. Now epilepsy affects memory as does the meds then the poss ms on top I’m stuffed really. He refuses to discuss anything else to do with it and while I’m not getting any answers from the docs I don’t think that will change. Xxx
I hope you managed to see the GP to get some help.
Is there anything that you guys can do to help with the memory issues so that your partner isn’t so agro and can help hopefully get back to being more supportive - his attitude hasn’t come off the best, I mean its not your fault about the memory. I went through a phase where I felt quiet forgetful at work and it was worrying because I am in a position of repsonsibility and can’t afford to really drop the ball. I now have a note/pad in my bag with a to do list. Anything work related in one colour anything personal seperate colour so I can track things. I always make sure I add every appointment and things that really need to be done to my calendar on my phone which synchs to my gmail also so where ever I am I can check where I’m meant to be or what I’m meant to be doing it also allows my patner to add things in too.
It’s not making the problem go away but trying to find what might make things a little easier for you. The other girls may have better suggestiions than me but I hope you can find a way to overcome this problem if this is in fact your partners main issue. I can understand it’s frustrating for him but it’s not your fault and rather than complaining it would be so much better to say. ‘Your memory issues are starting to get to me a little I know it’s not your fault but until we get some answers what can we do to help?’ Such a different vibe. Men - no wonder they’re from Mars.
Stay Strong Nikki - I know you can get through this.
Lots of hugs
Reemz
X
quote=nikkinakkinoo]Thanks for the replies. X I tried to talk to him yesterday but the only thing he kept saying was that my memory issues were p*@#$@g him off and he was sick of it. Now epilepsy affects memory as does the meds then the poss ms on top I’m stuffed really. He refuses to discuss anything else to do with it and while I’m not getting any answers from the docs I don’t think that will change. Xxx[/quote]
Thanks Reemz. I have a diary on the cabinet that I write everything in but he was moaning I hadn’t written something in that he had asked. I told him one way to help was he could write stuff straight in so it wouldn’t get forgotten. His response was oh so your expecting the rest of us to take up the slack because you cant remember the smallest thing.
I am off to find a wall to bang my head on!!!