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Told him :(

Well I told hubby and it didn’t go well. I’ve not been feeling great this weekend and talked to him about it.
His response was " well go to the doctor and sort it out or shall I just leave now"
I’m sat here crying my eyes out all I wanted was a bit of support and he made me feel even more of a burden than I already am.
Really don’t know what to do

Hi,

Firstly you are not a burden so put that idea right out of your head. I noted that you have suspected MS, have you downloaded any info' on the subject, if not ring the MS helpline and they will post you their brochures for you and your husband to read.

Make an appointment to see your doctor although he may not be able to tell you anymore as it's usually a neuro that will give you a dx.

Your hubby is just scared by it, as it sounds as though he doesn't know much about MS. You need to talk him bit by bit and not throw it at him all in one go. But remember MS effects everybody differently. So wait until you have a definate dx before doing someting you may regret. There is life with MS and that's what your hubby needs to realise.

Be strong and wish you luck. Do let us know how you get on.

Janet x

Aww Nikki bless you xxxx I think I'd have knocked my hubbys block off if he said that!

All I can think is he has reacted out of 'fear' - maybe?  I know you said in your other post that he has a stressful job so maybe this was just a knee jerk reaction? Maybe he feels he can't cope with it?

Hopefully he'll come round and realise what an utterly selfish pleb he is being & that the one who is suffering the most in all this is you xxjenxxx

Hi Nik,

Boys are hopeless!  If they don't know what to say or do they freak out.  I remember a chapter from "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" that explaibed men like a rubber band.  Sometimes they stretch away but they soon come bouncing back. 

I was quite rough on my other half whilst in the unknown process and he snapped back at me "don't you know I'm living this with you?".  I hadn't thought about it.  When we're suffering we only see our side of it, he's doing the same.  You're both scared and reacting differently, try talking again armed with printoffs from here, a little knowledge might do him good.

Just remember us women folk are strong so put on your brave face and he'll soon be bouncing back with his sorrys xxx

I'm going to go against the trend here - from what you've said, I don't think he sounds selfish or scared or that he can't cope. It sounds to me as if he just needs to know one way or the other so you both know for definite what you're dealing with. His comment 'or shall I just leave now' says to me there's more behind this that we don't know about so it could be the way you are with him - we don't know.

When I was diagnosed, Mr Val's attitude was very much let's just get on with it until anything changes then we'll take it from there. That suited me just fine. He was very practical and straight forward, he didn't do mind reading or having to guess what my moods were all about!  And I think men generally are like that, need to know what is wrong so they can fix it. And if your husband has a stressful job and also you have problems with your son, I would think he just wants to know what the problem is so he can deal with it.

I hope you get an answer soon.

Thanks everyone for the advice. We have had a good talk about stuff and he hasn't apologised (he doesn't do apologising) but he is in full grovel mode!

When I was diagnosed with epilepsy things were really tough for us, loads of other stuff happened as a result of the diagnosis and I did tell him then that I would understand if he didn't want to stick around. I'm not good at talking about stuff, I tend to bottle things up.

I guess we thought we had had our fair share of rubbish over the last 3 years and this has knocked me for six.

I saw the doctor today and she is sending me for about a gallons worth of blood tests. I'm off to Asda tomorrow to get it done which still just feels wrong lol

 

Anyway thanks for the support and sorry for my whinging.

Its not whinging its trying to deal with another emotional rollercoaster of a disease that is unfortunately very like the epilepsy in the variable nature of never knowing when something is going to happen.

Maybe getting some of the infomation packs from the society and leaving them for the other half to read when he feels up to it would help..especially if you find talking about it hard.

Coming on here and asking all the questions you have, and voicing your fears may at least release some of the pressure of your diagnosis  so that you can be more objective about the actual difference the diagnosis makes on your everyday life.

I guess your mind at the moment is in free wheel taking you to a doom and gloom about total dependancy.That is natural and understandable and I cant remember your story so far(sorry) so I dont know what difficulties you are having...but when the dust settles you will more than likely realise your day to day life hasnt really changed that much and you have both adapted as necessary probably without realising.

Asda for blood tests----another sign of how life and experiences are always changing and evolving

Take care

Pip

[quote=nikkinakkinoo]

I’m not good at talking about stuff, I tend to bottle things up.

[/quote

Talking about it is the best thing you can do. A bad Dx or the loss of a loved one, no matter. Talk to anyone who will listen. That is what it so great about this forum - there is always someone who will listen.

Loads of blood tests are just to eliminate some of the possibilities: you really do not want some of them - MS can be bad enough by itself. I think my set of blood tests at onset had about a dozen items, from certain vitamin deficiencies to Devic’s disease and Lyme disease. When the results come back negative, everyone breathes a sigh of relief, 'cos they know what they are not dealing with.

Geoff