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Really could do with some support...

Hi am sorry for posting anon just want to vent a little reall,y, not usually my style so a bit embarassed. feeling very low and alone and trapped at the moment. my family are awful, i have been doing an experiment and wanted to see how long it was until my mum actually made the effort to get in touch with me, rather than me always getting in touch with her, and she hasnt bothered to call me since I last went to see her in March, she lives within 2miles. when i see her or my sister they never ask anything about me, my mum never says much at all and makes me feel awkward, my sister just interupts anything i say and turns it into a way of talking about herself. i just dont get on with them, or at least when I see them i walk away feeling bad and sad and they dont even know about the possibility of MS because they just werent interested when i tried to tell them about my optic neuritis.

add to that that i am always to exhausted to see friends, so nobody else really knows, except one or two. my husband and i are having problems, and if i wasnt so scared of being alone and unsupported i would probably leave him. we had a huge row today becuase he has been making snippy remarks about me not doing enough around the house (when i see it as i do loads while working full time, looking after the kids, cooking, cleaning, getting up with them each day while he stays in bed). i found myself screaming at him “just f*** off” at the top of my lungs until i noticed my daughter was sobbing on the stairs. i am so mortified for her, and concerned the neighbours heard and think i am crazy.

i am feeling really exhausted the last few days so probably not coping as well as normal. i know none of you can help me to change anything but i think some positive words may help… and i think i just wanted to say some stuff out loud (or write it) sorry to drip and moan…and thank you for reading…

Oh poor you! I feel sorry for myself quite a bit but I have amazing support from my family and even though my partner is a little less emotionally supportive, he hasn’t sniped at me about my almost complete lack of housework recently. Can you do something nice for yourself today? Maybe a walk and tea and cake somewhere? Or a visit to the cinema? I don’t know what to suggest but do something to treat and look after yourself as it seems no-one else is going to do that for you :(.

Aw hunni, sounds like you’re having a rough old time of it. Some husbands get so scared at the thought of their wife being ill and they worry and it comes out like that. Not nice at all, but that’s how some can be. So it may be he IS worried but doesn’t know how to deal with it. It’s hard for partners too, maybe when you’re having a good day, a chat would be helpful with him …that’s if he’s the type to talk about his feelings. If not, then I think the MS helpline is a great place to start, they are really supportive and good for the days it feels overwhelming. Sorry to hear your daughter was upset, I hope you can give her loads of cuddles and reassure her a bit.its a hard time all round, but it can be sorted with the right support. You need support, this place is great for that, but I still think a chat with the helpline would be good for you. Once you feel supported, everything won’t seem as bad. Many of us have the support issue with family, so you are not alone on that. We are all here for you.you can get through this.some days seem the worst but you’ll get through it xxxxxxxx

I can understand your problems - it really isn’t easy at all sometimes. My family vary in supportiveness but I get my results tomorrow hopefully and will be going alone. My partner has his own problems so I haven’t told him as he is pretty much a suicidal drunk at the moment (luckily don’t live with him), my father is at odds with the whole world and has stormed off somewhere in a huff so won’t hear from him for months and my mother is a wreck as a result. There is good support on here and the helpline is definitely recommended. You are not alone and these things take time for everyone to adjust to. Try to take time to rest (as a pretty much single mother I know that isn’t the easiest thing to do but fatigue is horrid and pretty much impossible to fight in my experience). I am lucky in that I have a couple of good friends to talk to which helps. My advice is try not to let things get you down too much, ring the support line and let them help you, try and talk to your husband if you can and he will listen, love your kids all you can (we all have times when we upset them without meaning to - joys of being human) and stay strong. As one of my friends constantly tells me (and it is annoying but does help), you are more than you think you are and stronger than you think. The bad times will get better, sometimes you just have to take baby steps which can be frustrating. We are all here for you and I hope things get a bit better for you soon - look after yourself xx

Massive hugs to everyone having a rough time of it at the moment. Hopefully easier days are on their way xxxx

Thank you all so much for your words of kindness. Reading such wonderful words of support from people I have never met made me realise that there us help and that there are people I can turn to, even if it seems like there isn’t. It really did help. I am suffering really badly with fatigue at the moment which makes it really hard to cope with stuff. I am in the process of trying to make a few changes to work, and at home which may lighten the load on me a bit, and although I haven’t phoned the support line yet, I will when I have a bit of time on my own (it’s half term). Feeling so low, and reading your advice has made me realise that I can change some things and I can be kinder to myself so that’s what I plan to do. I think seeing me so distressed on Sunday changed things a bit for my husband, he was much nicer to me yesterday so maybe you are right that he just couldn’t cope - he is a bit Ocd and if I think about it he does get more worried about tidiness etc. when he’s stressed. Also having had a bit of time to think about it ( and calm down) there are things that are going on at work he hasn’t mentioned for a while so maybe they are getting him down and he’s trying not to upset me with them. So I suppose that the overview is that while. I am still not myself things don’t seem quite so bad today… Thanks again.

It is very difficult coping without full support of your family. A problem shared is best. Your husband will be worrying about your health and keeping his own work related problems to himself. Share your fears with each other, you both need the support of each other. As for your mother, it sounds as though she does not understand your health problems. It may be an idea to take both your husband and your mother to your next appointment. That way, your mother will get a better understanding of what you are going through and your husband may ask questions about his concerns over your health. Keep your chin up as it will get easier for you with the correct support. xx