Feeling like the one closest to me has had enough of me having MS

I’ve been feeling awful for over a week and am struggling to grip things and walking is a joke but I thought I’d always have my only support Gareth (the rest of the family couldn’t care less) to understand and support me but he keeps giving snide remarks about me not doing any cleaning, hoovering or being able to look after the children on my own. I can usually tell when he’s joking but the way/tone in which he says is far to serious. I’d prefer him to be honest about us :frowning:

Awww sweetheart i’m so sorry. I completely understand.

I think our loved ones behave that way sometimes because they can’t and don’t unerstand what we are going through. our loved ones just want us to get back to the way we were and feel as frustrated as us but in a different way because they are not the ones experiencing the symptoms.

I don’t know what the answer is, ggive him time to come to terms with it, he will probably realise he’s being unfiar, but i’m sure he doesn’t mean it.

sending you big hugs {{{ xxx)))


P.s. sorry about the rubbish typing, eyes not working today.

Thank you Bunny. I’m an emotional wreck because I’m worried and feel so useless, even your post made me cry. On here is the last place you need to apologise about things. We are the ones who do understand. Xx

Hello Rebecca

Time for a bit of direct communication. Tell Gareth how much his behaviour is hurting you…put a stop to it now.

Take care

I also agree with Blossom. It may just be that he’s suffering from grumpy winter blues but he needs to know how much his comments upset you. Take care. Ann xx

Hi Rebecca, sorry to hear you think your OH is being grumpy about the situation. Most of us at some point have experienced our OH’s mood changing significantly. Not only is it us who have to accept and adapt but also our loved ones. We all have up and down days - believe me the down days are unimaginable for a well person - and your OH will too. I’m fairly sure my OH would love to have the mountain climbing, river swimming, domestic dancing goddess, fit female he fell in love with back but unfortunately she was taken by this hell on earth disease and he is going to have to adapt which is a hard call. I hope your OH can accept it is going to be difficult. I wish I could hoover but that is never going to happen again (that was one of the first things that went out the window for me lol)! He needs to tell you how he’s feeling and then you can both work on it together. Hang on in there. I hope it gets bettter for you. Linda x

Please try to stay calm and do not panic. We all come to terms in fits and starts, and it might be that your partner is just having one of those, ‘Oh filtered word, it’s worse than I thought,’ moments, and his distress is leaking out in your direction because it has to leak out somewhere.

I am sure that he is fed up with things, just as you are. But please do not assume that this means that he is not committed to dealing with whatever comes along. We all have bad days, bad weeks, bad months. They are not always the end of the world. In fact, they usually aren’t. Please do not panic.

I find that a shared bottle of brain-scrambling Australian Shiraz can be handy in these kind of settings, as an aid to having a chat about how people are feeling and how they can help each other. (But I would not recommend that, of course…)

Good luck.



Just to throw in a slightly different viewpoint, talking about stuff would be good, and I agree he needs to know how it’s making you feel. But I wouldn’t simply tell him to stop his behaviour, and treat that as the end of the discussion. If he’s feeling resentful at the amount of support he gives you, to simply tell him to sort it out might make him more resentful.

That’s not to say you shouldn’t tell him how it makes you feel. But he needs to be encouraged to find ways to express his frustrations rather than having to bottle it up, and to grieve the loss of your old lives. That could be talking with you or friends or a counsellor, or finding what help there is out there to support carers. Or simply some time off down the pub with his mates, or doing whatever it is that he loves most & will help restore his batteries.

I think it would be good as well if you were to find support from other sources, so you don’t rely solely on him all the time. That’s easier said than done though! I know you said your family aren’t interested, but are there friends who could help out with things Or maybe get in touch with social services as you may qualify for some support from them.

It’s important that you both find things to do that energise you & bring you life, both individually & as a couple, so that the relationship isn’t defined by the MS.

But like Bunny says, there’s no easy answers and it’s a horrible place for you to be in.


hi rebecca

please don’t stay so down hearted, things will start to improve.

once you hit rock bottom theres nowhere to go but up!

have you considered getting a cleaner?

my cleaner charges £20 for 2 hours and although i’m on a very restricted income, i wouldnt be without her.

my very long term relationship hadnt been very good for a few years before my diagnosis.

so i asked him if he’d like to run for the hills, saying i wouldnt blame him.

i was shocked by how upset he was.

since then his advancing years have taken a toll on him and he has just as many aches and pains as i do. (he’s 59 and i’m 55)

so now we sympathise with each other and try to cheer each other up.

good luck to you both.

carole x

Hi my OH was similar , he was moody has never discussed my Ms, wld moan if things werent done. This has gone on for the last few months!! I had had enough it was making me ill, i told him to get a flat if he didnt like it. At a New year event a couple we new were separating, on our return home my OH broke down, i have never seen him like this ever!! 30 yrs iv known him. He said he was sorry for the way he has treated me, a couple of drinks gave him dutch courage, but that ok he not good communicating. He spoke of being frightened angry confused, about me having MS. We spoke for ages and he now is more sympathetic about things. He is totally different!! So you never know discussing his feelings might help good luck

xx kitty

Hi hun. I know what you mean about the snide comments.

My hubby has been my main carer for 16 years! he has to do everything from wiping my bum (TMI, I know) to fixing my chair if it wont go!

He always does things in good way, but sometimes makes sarcastic comments about me picking the wrong moment to ask for help. How the chuff can I know when this is, if it isnt obvious?

Then when I dont ask if I think it may be the wrong moment and I try to do something, which is difficult, he`ll ask why I dint ask! mad, innit?

Then there are times when another person is visiting us, hell make silly comments about how he has to do everything when I just laze around. It makes me furious, especially when I become the butt of a joke` about my lack of ability. I do some housework when I can.

The only way I get back at him, is to call him a sarcastic bugger. It makes him think, but then it happens again.

I once told someone I thought he was sick of hearing about my condition and they said I bet hes not as sick of hearing about it as much as you are sick of HAVING it. Right eh? I sometimes think he wants me out of the way, and have asked that question and hes been mortified that I can think like that…and it has upset him.

Hey-ho onwards we go, yeh?

luv Pollx

Oh Rebecca.

I really feel for you and have to agree with Blossom.

If I were in your position I would have to let him know how his remarks are hurting me and let him know how difficult and frustrating it is for you not being able to do the things you used to do. Perhaps he doesn’t realise how hurtful his remarks are to you.

My hubby has chronic arthritis and has recently had a knee op as the arthritis attacked his knee. He was unable to walk for 6 months and said to me that he now appreciates how awful it is not being able to get around. We were a right pair over those 6 months both shuffling round on our bums to get places in the house. A bit rubbish at age 53 and 51.

I am not wishing this on your other half but you never know what is round the corner.

I hope you manage to get through to him how you feel.

Shazzie xx