Hope you’re doing ok mate? Let us know how it’s going.
Pat x
Thanks for thinking of me Pat. I’m beginning to feel that my ex is boiling my thingy. I’m off work this week and have been sorting what sentimental things (like her deceased mam’s stuff) and other stuff she can pick up from my garage. She claims she has no room to put it, like I have when I’m trying to sell my house! All correspondence has been done via e-mail but when I mention things she won’t entertain, she doesn’t reply. She hasn’t arranged to pick anything up so today I thought sod it and started throwing stuff out. I’ve told her that I hate playing the disability card but it’s true and ain’t easy sorting through it all physically. I’ve nearly fallen a few times in the garage. On the house front, there’s a for sale sign in my garden and I’ve had one viewing. I’ve viewed a bungalow myself that needed nothing doing to it and had a wet room. There’s been a bid for that place now though. I’ve been going through a form of grief but it’s all feelings against her now. My mam hates her yet she can’t understand why. I’ve been viewing the forum but am still feeling a bit deflated so haven’t been posting. I hope you and everyone else are doing as well as can be. Grumps xx
Hang on in there hon. You are going through the very worst of it right now so slowly it will get better.
Give her a deadline to pick up her stuff… say by Friday next week… and tell her if it isn’t picked up by then you will dump the lot. That gives her time to arrange something… and as you say it’s hard selling a house when there is a lot of clutter.
Take care and be careful. The last thing you need right now is a bad fall and end up in hospital.
Just keep remembering that this will pass and it will get easier.
Thinking of you,
Pat x
Aaaaaargh. I gave her the deadline but as today is her deceased mams birthday and in 2 weeks time it’s the anniversary of her death, she doesn’t want the hassle right now. She left 7 weeks ago and she says she has nobody in her life who can help! Did I ask her to leave? Why couldn’t she have sorted it 7 weeks ago? She’s going to her friend’s next weekend. Did I ever stop her from going? Did she force herself out of my family’s friendship? Was I really that much of a pain or is it just that MS is? I’m rapidly losing patience. I’m getting grief from my family for being too soft. I’m not a celebrity but get me out of here.
I think you’re coping fantastically well Mr G and getting on with your life. I think it will help you once all her stuff is out the way as it will only remind you of her. She needs to pick up her stuff and I don’t blame you for dumping it if she doesn’t. She doesn’t have a disability, so she can manage by herself. She shouldn’t be feeling sorry for herself as she was the one who left. Keep trucking on, you will get through this! Teresa xx
Here here Teresa!!!
You are doing a great job Mr Grumpy… and yes she needs to get her stuff out of your home!
She should have thought about all this before she left.
Keep hanging in there,
Pat x
Justice prevails! After telling her that I’ve nearly fell more than once stepping over the stuff etc, she has arranged for someone to bring her round and collect all the stuff next week. Had a couple of charity bags through my door for collection on Monday so I’ve filled them up. Not sure if I should give her a peck on the cheek when she leaves as I can’t love her for what she’s done to me but I do still fancy her. What do my helpful friends think? You’ve been great giving me advice and help for which I’m most grateful.
I made a post yesterday that went in the queue for moderation and hasn’t appeared. This is not the first time it’s happened. I still can’t type in paragraphs either. Think in future I’ll have to copy everything I do to save doing it again. Now wonder I’m grumpy. Anyway, the point of the posting was to let you know that a relative is bringing her round this week to collect her stuff. As she leaves, I don’t know if I should give her a peck on the cheek even though I can’t love her as she’s ripped my heart out but I still fancy her. You’ve given me cracking advice before so I’d welcome some more. As always, much appreciated.
I would say don’t give her a peck on the cheek. She has hurt you and it was all so out of the blue. Why should you make her feel better about the situation?
But these things are so difficult. You might want to go with your feelings on the day… see what feels right.
Dunno why I should give you advice on all this… I’m rotten at relationships. Or maybe I should say I’m good at relationships… I’ve tried them many times… LOL…
Pat x
Hi Mr Grumpy, I think a peck on the cheek would be very dignified…would make you seem like Mr Cool. Might be an idea to wait and see how things pan out though. Good luck, Nina
Thanks for the advice guys. Whether or not it’s your field, I do take everything on board as you’re a great form of help for all things MS. I like the idea of Mr Cool but I will see how things go at the time. You never know, I may stretch so far as a hug then stick a knife in her back! I’ll let you know how it goes. Thanks for the Marjorie Proops stuff.
Moderation list again, so here’s what I copied, which I’d put in paragraphs if I could. What’s going on? Thanks for the advice guys. Whether or not it’s your field, I do take everything on board as you’re a great form of help for all things MS. I like the idea of Mr Cool but I will see how things go at the time. You never know, I may stretch so far as a hug then stick a knife in her back! I’ll let you know how it goes. Thanks for the Marjorie Proops stuff.
Good luck when your ex comes round Mr G. Hope all goes well! Teresa xx
She’s been and gone. I got a hug off her relly and a handshake of her hubby. Nothing off her. I’d have been willing to give her a hug back. We work at the same place and all she said was that she wished I’d talk to her at work. I replied that I can’t as there would be too many prying eyes and it would suggest that I condoned what she did, which I don’t. I still had a good blub though.
Sorry you found it so upsetting Mr Grumpy but it will get easier as time goes by. Stay strong - you’ll get there! Teresa xx
Hang on in there Mr. Grumpy.
The very worst bit is over now. It will get better.
Pat x
Hi Mr. Grumpy,
I have been absent for the last 3 weeks and have only just spotted
your post. I am so sorry that you have been on an emotional
rollercoaster, but reading the comments, it sounds like you will
be better off without her, but I appreciate this takes time.
When I have had emotional turnmoil, for whatever reason, I
think of what my mum used to tell me, and it always seemed to
help, so I hope it will have the same affect for you.
Yesterday is the past (and we can’t change the past) today is the
present (so we regard it as a gift) and tomorrow is the future (the
only part of our life we can change).
Look to the future Mr. Grumpy, and hopefully there is something good
for you just around the corner.
Take care
Pam x
Hi I’m also no expert but as a divorcee I feel for you having to see her at work every day when it’s still so raw. All that works for me with failed relationships of which I’ve had a few is to act nonchalant with her. It wound my exes up no end when they thought I’d got over them so quickly, in fact even though I’ve been divorced for 15 years he (who did the dirty on me, sleeping around) still can’t stand the fact that I don’t fancy him or want him back and if I’m honest I love it that he’s full of regrets while I feel nothing but gratitude that I don’t have too put up with his nonsense any more.
It took a long time to get where I am now but I can’t remember when or if I’ve ever felt as content with my single status as I do now. If it wasn’t for my health issues I’d be the most settled person I know.
Keep your back straight and your chin up. If you cry do it here, far from her and let her realise that it’s her missing out, not you.
Best of luck
Cath x
Thanks for your replies guys and welcome Cath. I feel like I’m spending all my time on this forum discussing me when everybody else here has enough problems with this horrible disability. But as I put before, I’m still grieving so am allowing myself (probably selfishly) a little me time. It’s a strange one to deal with this as there was no argument, no cheating and I was given no warning to talk through it. To get down with the kids, she’s proper lush and “normally” a damned nice lass. Raw is definitely the word for what it is and ignoring her at work is obviously winding her up. Seeing her at work though has me drooling! I’ve acknowledged her once, by nodding not speaking, when our paths crossed but I wouldn’t do it to an audience. What bugs me is that she has said it has nothing to do with my MS but I was only officially told what kind of MS it was in January and 4 months later, she left me. Do the math. Sorry for taking centre stage again and thank you for taking the time to care.
Hey Mr Grumpy - don’t worry about talking about this, it is best if we don’t wallow in self-misery about our MS. I think we would all prefer to try to support someone else rather than think about our own problems. Therefore, feel free to talk about your non-MS worries as they are just as valid as your illness. After all, they are all connected. It must be very difficult to see your ex at work but you have managed really well so far and not speaking to her is going to help you move on, otherwise if you were really friendly with each other - you may suffer under the delusion that you will get back together. This will help I the long run. The end of a relationship is horribly painful but human beings are built to survive and that is what you will do! You do not need someone who is not capable of supporting you with your MS. Keep battling, you will get through it. Teresa xx