Mother refusing help

My mother has been suffering from MS for a number of years but her condition has deteriorated markedly since the death of my father a year ago.

She was recently seen by a MDT but has since been discharged and whilst some good has come of her being seen by the team (adjustments to her house etc) she’s in as a bad a way as she was when she was first referred to them. She hardly leaves the house, doesn’t exercise, doesn’t eat properly and drinks too much.

If myself or another family member ever tries to speak to her about this she will start to cry and say that we don’t understand how terrible her life is because of the death of my father and her illness and she will start saying very nasty things about us. She has always been a very hard woman to get along with - she is an incredibly negative person who never sees the good in people and spends most of her time talking about depressing subjects. If she had suddenly become like this since the death of my father I guess it would be easier to deal with but she has been like this for as long as I can remember and her attitude was the primary reason for me leaving the family home.

She has no respect for any of the professionals she has encountered in relation to her MS or bereavement, belittling them to us and criticising them for being too young/too stupid/too anything but helpful. We are really struggling to see a way to help her and her behaviour is pushing people who care about her away, so if anyone has any suggestions about the best way forward they would be gratefully appreciated because, at the moment, the future is looking pretty bleak.

Oh dear, this must be a terrible time for you all.

My mum in law lived with us for 2 years, as we worried about her on her, with faling health, after her husband died.

I soon realised that I had made a rash decision! But I continued to help look after her, as she did me too. We did have some laughs and trips away together.

When she began showing her true colours, hubby and i argued about continuing to have her stay with us, until he saw the problems for himself.

My GP said I had to do something about the situation, as it was affecting my health.

I found a body, who I can only describe as being a true Wonderwoman! She was based at my GP`s surgery and her title was Communtiy Matron.

I asked for her help and she worked liked a miracle. Within a short time, mum in law was rehoused and very happily too.

Why not see what your wonderwoman can do for your mum, eh?

luv POllx

Oh no, this sounds like a terrible situation.

I think, from personal experience (having dealt with an extremley difficult family member in a similar situation) the best that anyone can do, despite being pushed away is to ensure that the help is there and within reach and the neccersary equipment is on hand to assist in the situation . No matter how difficult it can get; we can never force anyone to take help so by assuring help is readily available, we know we are doing as much as possible.

I hope things get better for you.