Forum

Nitemare situation

Ive never posted on a forum before as we have all been able to cope with it but im stuck what to do now.

My mum has had ms since she was 17, although she wasnt diagnosed until she was 39. She is now 58.

Since christmas her health has massively deteriorated. All of my life up until about 6 years ago she was a happy go lucky person. She never talked about her illness and never wanted to find out about it as her attiude was when it happens i guess il find out then. It may aslo be to do with the fact her father died of it when she was 14. I remember the house being full of laughter and she was so loving. I ran the London Marathon for MS in 2008 as I didnt know how else I could help her.

Over the last year she has started to lose her memory. I have 3 sisters (1 lives at home). We all help as much as we can.

Christmas she becamme extremely depressed. She didnt get out of bed at Christmas and everything she said was negative. Since then she is a shell of her former self.

Unfortuntely my father was sent to prison (nothing horrific - it was to do with trading without a license). Since my dads departure my mums health and fighting power has gone. She can barely walk. We took her to see a private specialist and the steriods he prescribed helped, but the doctors wont giver her anymore and her health has gone back to more than worse.

She wont talk about it. Someone always goes round to see her, we take her out for lunch and day trips and take it in turns to stay over but she is distant.

My dad is a jolly person and always managed to make her smile. Its so hard for all of us, we miss him terribly. Im angry with him and sad at the same time.

My mum just often cries, when we take out her she tries to be happy but we know its put on. She is very negative and doesnt have much to say to her friends anymore.

She doesnt do any paper work at home, she says she no longer undertands it. She misses appointments because she says she cant get there, but one of us will take her but she doesnt ask.

We have had to take over all paperwork and we have now becomme the parents. We are all young, especially my younger sisters who should be having fun. The extra pressure of my Dad not being here has sent us over the edge.

We would be able to cope if mum wasnt so ill. We dont know what we are suppossed to do anymore. Its like she has given up. I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder which my sisters know about but I have never told my parents.

Although I had a great childhood my parents caused us alot of stress. They dont understand depression so I have never bothered to tell them.

We all feel so depressed. I am always in tears, and we are just stuck as to what to do to help her now. I dont think she understnads how we all feel. I think she thinks we are young and enjoying our lives but in truth we arent. It seems like ever week a new problem arrises. I dont want to stress her out by telling her how sad we are too as we are trying to be strong for her. I try and talk to her and suggest going to a MS group but she wont and says she is fine.

If anyone has any suggestions please let me know.

Do social services help i no its not best situation but it might give you abit of help and releave some of the stress or local wefare service or maybe charitys.I understand how stressed you feel i am very low myself husband is blind with ms and have 2 little children.There are some charitys who help careers get a break eg holidays as the stress can have an impact on everyone.You sound like you are are doing a great job and a truely nice person,you need a break yourself a change of scenery.Sorry i carnt offer more advice, but if you ever need a friend or someone to talk to you are more than welcome to chat anytime.Big hugs xxx julie

hi sammy

i was also going to suggest social services.

why dont you ask your mum to accompany you to a ms therapy centre. you can say its because you want to find out more that you can do to help. these places are fantastic, have a good crowd of all ages and you can have therapies such as aromatherapy, reflexology Hyperbarric oxygen therapy.

hopefully your mum will begin to mix with other people with ms

take care

carole x

Hi hun, It sounds like in addition to the illness she is depressed too. I agree with the above contact to social services is definitely needed. I work for social services and we support many people with varying conditions and in varying situations. They come across many complicated situations and are skilled to assist you. I also recommend finding your local m.s branch and even contacting the helpline for advice and help. I hope you find that help you need. Your all going to fall apart if you don’t get this help and then the situation will be worse. Please contact them and I really hope things improve very soon. Lots if hugs (((()))) xxx

Hi Sammy, I felt so sad when I read your post. I agree with Lisalou it sounds as though your mum is depressed and is not coping without your dad around. You don’t say in your post how long your dad will be in prison. Hopefully it won’t be long and his return will help. As others have said I think it would be beneficial for you to contact social services and your local ms branch. We all love and want to do as much for our parents as possible, but you and your sisters are young and deserve a life as well. I would be heartbroken if I felt my sons had to put their lives on hold because of me. I wish you all the best and please try and get help as soon as possible. Lots of hugs Anne x.

Hi Sammy

I agree with Nanny McPhee and LisaLou. I worry for you and your sisters. It might help contacting Care for the Carers. Carers are so often overlooked but they need as much looking after and those they care for. They may be able to help even if it is just a listening ear and putting you in touch with local organisations that can help and advise. There are lots of lovely people here so keep in touch. Wish I could be of more help.

Dinks

Hi, this is such a sad and worrying time for you and your family. I dont know if you are aware, but carers are entitled to a carer`s assessment from the social services.

Perhaps their input would bring about some help you hadnt thought of. As you already do have your own health issues, trying to carry on could make your condition worse.

I hope things improve very soon.

luv Pollx