Nitemare situation

Ive never posted on a forum before as we have all been able to cope with it but im stuck what to do now.

My mum has had ms since she was 17, although she wasnt diagnosed until she was 39. She is now 58.

Since christmas her health has massively deteriorated. All of my life up until about 6 years ago she was a happy go lucky person. She never talked about her illness and never wanted to find out about it as her attiude was when it happens i guess il find out then. It may aslo be to do with the fact her father died of it when she was 14. I remember the house being full of laughter and she was so loving. I ran the London Marathon for MS in 2008 as I didnt know how else I could help her.

Over the last year she has started to lose her memory. I have 3 sisters (1 lives at home). We all help as much as we can.

Christmas she becamme extremely depressed. She didnt get out of bed at Christmas and everything she said was negative. Since then she is a shell of her former self.

Unfortuntely my father was sent to prison (nothing horrific - it was to do with trading without a license). Since my dads departure my mums health and fighting power has gone. She can barely walk. We took her to see a private specialist and the steriods he prescribed helped, but the doctors wont giver her anymore and her health has gone back to more than worse.

She wont talk about it. Someone always goes round to see her, we take her out for lunch and day trips and take it in turns to stay over but she is distant.

My dad is a jolly person and always managed to make her smile. Its so hard for all of us, we miss him terribly. Im angry with him and sad at the same time.

My mum just often cries, when we take out her she tries to be happy but we know its put on. She is very negative and doesnt have much to say to her friends anymore.

She doesnt do any paper work at home, she says she no longer undertands it. She misses appointments because she says she cant get there, but one of us will take her but she doesnt ask.

We have had to take over all paperwork and we have now becomme the parents. We are all young, especially my younger sisters who should be having fun. The extra pressure of my Dad not being here has sent us over the edge.

We would be able to cope if mum wasnt so ill. We dont know what we are suppossed to do anymore. Its like she has given up. I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder which my sisters know about but I have never told my parents.

Although I had a great childhood my parents caused us alot of stress. They dont understand depression so I have never bothered to tell them.

We all feel so depressed. I am always in tears, and we are just stuck as to what to do to help her now. I dont think she understnads how we all feel. I think she thinks we are young and enjoying our lives but in truth we arent. It seems like ever week a new problem arrises. I dont want to stress her out by telling her how sad we are too as we are trying to be strong for her. I try and talk to her and suggest going to a MS group but she wont and says she is fine.

If anyone has any suggestions please let me know.

Sammy, I don’t think I have the knowledge or experience to answer this, but I’ve flagged up your post to a wider audience on the Everyday Living forum.

Hope you don’t mind.

Hopefully somebody will be along soon.



Hi Sammy, Im not sure ill be much help but here goes…I had a similar experience with my own mother who has MS. I too suffer with depression and anxiety. Your mother sounds very depressed, and she needs some help. Is there any chance you or/and your sisters could take your mum to see her GP. Perhaps he or she could put your mum on some anti-depressants. I was so reluctant to go on them myself at first, I didn’t think I needed them, and my mum didn’t want them at all, but they have helped. There are so many out there it might take a while to find the right one and they take a while to work, but they can and do help when they are needed. When my mother was very bad, her MS was awful and she was so low she didn’t want to do anything, she didn’t want to ‘bother’, as she would say, with anything, she forgot appointments, to take her medication, she didn’t want to get dressed or go out. I made contact with her MS nurse and she was very helpful, she advised me to make a Dr appointment. I was perhaps a little naughty, I didn’t tell my mum what I was doing as I knew she wouldn’t want to go. When I was with the dr I told him why I was there and I let everything pour out. For anyone who doesn’t suffer with depression it is very hard for them to understand. Even I don’t think I understand it properly esp when I hear of people who seem to have everything but suffer with depression. If your sisters know, make sure you talk to them about your own feelings. You are not alone. C x