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Mood Swings!!!!

Hi all,

First time on here…

I’m in a relationship with a wonderful man, he has MS, he was diagnosed 3/4yrs ago, we’ve been together 8 months, when we first got together he told me straight away about his MS.

I’ve read various articles on it, but nothing really tells you how as a girlfriend etc lives with it too???

He wakes up in pain, he works but is shattered after, he refuses to use his stick to help him balance or walk, and twice has fallen…

we are planning our future together but his stubborness is destroying us…he doesn’t even realise it…

Help please!!

Hi,

Sounds like he is in denial, not really realising the impact it can have on himself and his friends. In his eye he is not being stubborn, Take a look under Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in /wikki or just google Kubler-Ross cycle

I was diagnosed in 94 but first symptoms in 1979. It was not until medical retirement that I came to terms with MS and how it was affecting others.

Don’t know what to suggest that might help you.There is no magic cure or want that can be waved. Sounds like he needs to look at himself, get a different job, get some drug modifying treatment or symptom relief. Also try shift.ms, they might be able to help you.

Good luck,

Patrick

Hi,

I am new to this & am desperate to communicate with others living With MS. I am finding things hard at the moment, feel so low! I try so hard to put on a brave face, but its not always easy.

Have dreadful fatigue most of the time, just no energy. I know my meds make me tired but without them could’nt function!

Believe it or not I an usually a happy person!! If anyone fancys a chat please message me back

Thanks

Hi, that sounds so familiar, I expect most of us on here have been where he is now. Not wanting to ‘look disabled’ by using the stick, not wanting to feel that you are seeing him differently than before if he uses it.

To people with MS, using a stick can be the first visible sign of something wrong. And depending on his type of MS, it may be that there’s no turning back once he starts. It’s a massive change and his diagnosis is still relatively recent.

However, it’s not all doom and gloom. He will get there, even if it takes a bad fall to do it. Or he might just get fed up with wobbling and looking drunk when he isn’t. That was what happened to me - I finally realised that it really was easier and less painful to use it and by then everyone around me knew about my MS so it really didn’t matter.

Wishing you both all the best.

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Not sure where the mood swings come into the equation?

He is a proud man not a stubborn man. He wants to prove to himself he can still have a normal life after diagnosis. Its like being an alcoholic, you cant change them they have to hit rock bottom first then heal themselves if they want to.

Your partner is doing it his way.

The plus to all this is, he is still working. He hasnt given up. I would think the fact he is determined, strong, motivated, confident, and yes stubborn is amazing qualities to have next to you in bed… he isnt going to just fling his hands up in the air, when you annoy him, or dont do something he doesnt like, or your premenstrual etc lol…

As his girlfriend all you can do for now is support him. If he is tired when he comes home, make sure he has a good plate of food ready to eat (well balanced good healthy diet lol), and give him a big cuddle.

Right now he doesnt need to be told he is silly for not using a stick etc, he knows that himself.

Loads of people are the same even without MS. My mother is 93, and will she use a wheelchair when she has to go to the hospital for her appointments no way, she insists of walking even if it takes my sister ages to get to the doctors door.

Lots and lots and lots of people on here will be the same.

They feel once they have a stick everyone will notice they are disabled.

He will come round in his own time. All you need to do for now if you want to be with him, is just be there, no telling him what he already knows, and just be the best girlfriend you can be.

In my house i dont use a stick, but i have some hand rails around. You could suggest he does the same in the areas where he is the most vulnerable, it works for me. However out in the garden i too have gone down on my bottom a few times OUCH, but i still wont use my stick in my home. Its bad enough i have to use one outside and my wheelchair. I am 64 this week and I hate the looks I get from well meaning people, and people who dont talk to me when i am in a shop but my carer as though I am indivisible. Perhaps that is what your partner is worried about.

Concentrate on all the positive things about him, and why you fell for him in the first place. (I admire you for wanting to find about MS good for you hun)xx

Hi Loulou,

What mobility issue causes ur man to need a stick? I had to use a stick for a while and avoided it for ages. I didn’t want to look disabled, I’m only 39 and previously mega active. I used one of my ski poles for a bit and when I saw how it helped me I then gave in and brought a foldable walking stick which I keep in my handbag although I haven’t needed to use it for a little while. I have a fatiguable foot drop which causes my mobility issues. Since the Physio gave me an AFO support it holds my foot up and I don’t trip as much hence why I don’t need my stick as much. Has your OH had Physio? If not that’s a good place to start mine did a balance group which focuses on your Neuro Plasticity so you relearn how to balance and work on improving your core to be able to aid your mobility. Really helped me enormously.

Re mood swings I had emotional lability but was started on Antidepressants I wasn’t depressed but I have to say they have worked wonders on my moods.

Good for you for trying to understand and help him but as others say sometimes we need to hit rock bottom before we can accept help, I am fiercely independent and hate accepting help particularly if it might mean having to face a reality that something has become too hard

Snowqueen