I really shouldn’t grumble, but my husband who I love dearly, wouldn’t be without, and who has taken on the role of carer with good humour and mostly without complaint, is the one person who should know all about me. He attends all medical appointments with me, and I’ve kept nothing from him.
But sometimes he just doesn’t get it. I think sometimes he interprets things the way he’d like them to be rather than the way they actually are.
Just to give you an idea, in the past he’s told people that an MRI scan would show what type of MS I had. Loads of other examples but I won’t bore you with more, but yesterday while on the phone to an old friend, he was explaining that I was waiting for Botox on my bladder. Fine I don’t mind him sharing that information, but then to hear him say, “then she won’t have to self catheterise any more”
If he’s going to talk about it I wish he’d get it right.
If we weren’t allowed to have a mini grumble about our dearly beloved husband’s who care with more patience and care than I would ever be able to dredge up, then we wouldn’t be human. Mine does similar things. But he is learning a little about bladders and bowels.
But I had a teensy moan this morning, it’s about communication. For example, he often helpfully pulls down the back of my coat as I get from the car to the wheelchair. But invariably he doesn’t tell me he’s going to do it. Which puts me off balance. This morning, he helpfully unscrewed the milk bottle lid from the milk bottle a few minutes before I used it for my cereal. But didn’t tell me. So I spilt milk everywhere because I wasn’t expecting the lid to be off.
It’s tiny things, always done to help, but without saying he’s about to do it. Like picking up my foot to put a sock on it, without telling me, so I fall backwards on the bed.
I wouldn’t be without the lovely man. But I do wish he’d tell me what he’s doing/done/about to do.
oh hear hear! I have a very kind and loving man (well he was) and we`ll be married for 45 years come March.
I know Anthony, its a chuffin long time init, not to mention how many socks have gone missing chez nous in all that time!..i digress…but can I get a compliment from him? can I thump! Had my hair done today and he never noticed, despite having dropped me off and collected from outside their door and knowing I had an appointment.
I asked if he like my new style…
.he said Oh, youve fluffed it up`.
I said So do you like it?
Him, Its better than it was`.
Me. I cant get a compliment can I?
Him, I said it was nice.
Me, No you didnt, you said it is fluffed up and better than before.
The intended message and the received message are often miles apart. Having been married only 30 years I am still learning how wildly off the mark I can be.
Mini grumbles are fine. MS or any illness can be tough on victim & carers. This is a great place to offload but if I need to get something across to my amazing wife which could easily be misinterpreted as criticism I will tell a mutual friend and ask them to pass it on, this usually does the trick.
I’ve been talking to my hubby about this thread. Those of you with mini grumbles about your other halves have my sympathy.
I don’t need much in the way of care at the moment, but if hubby was doing things in a way I didn’t like I know that I could tell him so without upsetting him. He wouldn’t talk about specific treatments to anyone. If he did, I’m fairly sure that he’d try to get the facts right. He usually compliments me when I have my hair cut, but he acknowledges that some men just don’t get it.
Maybe I’m lucky. Maybe I haven’t experienced these problems because I don’t need the same level of care. Either way, I’m grateful to have my hubby in my life. I couldn’t cope without him.
My husband is actually pretty amazing. All our friends agree that I’m a nasty old cow and he’s lovely. And they’re the people who like me!
There is virtually no one who dislikes him. (One exception but she’s mad!)
But sometimes it’s really hard to need care. And to have our relationships with our lovely husbands changed so much as a result of this bustard illness. And I believe I speak for my own, Polls and Eves husbands by describing them as lovely. I think they do a fabulous job of caring for us. But sometimes we have to have a little moan.
oh hear hear! I have a very kind and loving man (well he was) and we`ll be married for 45 years come March.
I know Anthony, its a chuffin long time init, not to mention how many socks have gone missing chez nous in all that time!..i digress…but can I get a compliment from him? can I thump! Had my hair done today and he never noticed, despite having dropped me off and collected from outside their door and knowing I had an appointment.
I asked if he like my new style…
.he said Oh, youve fluffed it up`.
I said So do you like it?
Him, Its better than it was`.
Me. I cant get a compliment can I?
Him, I said it was nice.
Me, No you didnt, you said it is fluffed up and better than before.
Him, Well isnt that a compliment?
Me, forget it!
Men!
pollsx
[/quote] Yorkshiremen don’t do compliments - I’m told!
