Forum

matrimonial decisions

In a marriage where there is no abuse, just high levels of annoyance and a realisation that both parties have nothing in common, should a couple stick it out for the stability of the children?

ho i wouldnt.

Bearing in mind that all the stats say that children from broken homes are seriously affected by a break-up, I think it is worth thinking very carefully about it. They come first, don’t they? Teresa xx

Hmmm, I get what Teresa is saying, but if you are arguing all the time, this is not a good environment for kids. My parents split and divorced when I was about 18, so I can’t really comment on how it affects younger children, however I do know people whose parents split when they were younger and although at first all they wanted was their parents to be together, they got over it and are now well balanced adults. Kids are very resilient and adaptable, and as long as they are not used as weapons against either of the parents, and if you can stay amicable, I think they’ll be fine.

Just my opinion though, it’s your choice.

Luisa x

Personally I would not end a marriage when there are children involved unless there is abuse of course.

You have to decide whether arguing all of the time is good for the children too. Is there some sort of councelling you can do; plus changing the way you look at your marriage, we all get bored with a partner now and again. Personally I have had to do a lot of things on my own over the years as my husband doesn’t want to come with me. It’s difficult now of course as I am no longer independant and don’t drive any more, so my daughter takes me to family functions and my husband drops me off when he is able to.

I have known people who have waited till the children were 18 and that still affected the kids detrimentally.

On the other hand you only have one life, it takes a lot of consideration in these days of austerity but it could be something you have to do. When people are old and near to death it’s not the things they’ve done that they regret it’s often the things they haven’t done.

Good luck with your decision.

Wendy

x

Only give up when all other avenues and efforts have been exhausted - ie marriage counselling, time away alone to discuss and refind each other etc. The extremely difficult knock on effect of a split home (sharing the finances, children going from one home to the other and not knowing quite where they ‘belong’, weekends without your children, Christmas/Birthdays without your children, holidays etc) is not to be underestimated. My kids are glad I left their dad but there was emotional abuse and the atmosphere had got too awful at home. I’m glad I left, I’m now the ‘real’ me. But it’s been an incredibly long hard road.

If there’s a chance your marriage could work out find it. If not you can part knowing you did everything you could.

Good luck x

My husband and I split up when our daughter was very young. We got back together for her sake. But I see now that it was the wrong thing to do for all of us.
My daughter is grown up now (and I’m divorced) but she has said that she feels, looking back, that it would have been better being just the two of us.

I was afraid though – too concerned, I think, about houses and money but nothing sucks the life out of you like a loveless marriage. There is no doubt that children are upset by marriage breakups but you can also do untold damage demonstrating a relationship that is devoid of respect and caring.

Jane

Yes, I think every effort to stick it out should be made. Cheryl:)