Forum

lonely.

Hi all. been slung out 4 2 weeks now but been lonely since dx. She hasn’t dealt with it well! Fancy tryin dating… where do we ms,ers look? Cheers ben

ben

where everybody else looks!

the one thing i would suggest that u try not to let ms define u (i picked that up when you say where do ms’ers look?)

you are a bloke with interests, hobbies etc who happens to have to live with ms.

2 weeks is soon. i guess u r both trying to get ur heads round the ms diagnosis. give it time…be kind to yourself

ellie

I can understand your worries…I’ve not been ‘slung out’ yet :)… but feel soon I possible could be as my bf of 6 years not dealing with my dx well at all…he’s also now said he doesn’t want children which is pretty hard to hear as I’m only 26…so am thinkin I might b better on my own but the idea of dating terrifys me as just cnt imagine meeting someone to accept me and my ms…it’s sooo easy for others to say oh you will have no trouble meeting another man…but they have no idea how my life us day to day…

I wish you luck and like others say just b yourself and go meet them where everyone else does…

And this forums great for getting support…and hopefully feeling less lonely…

Xx

hi ben

what kind of places make you smile? thats probably where you’ll meet someone.

anyway if you’re smiling you’re halfway there.

good luck

carole x

Get used to being alone. That’s the way it is. Making the best of a bad situation. x

Hi Ben

Ignore the negative comment, life is out there buddy. You don’t have to do anything different to find love just because you have MS.

Learn to love the person you are and focus on the things you can do and still do now, before you were told you had MS.

Smile and the world smiles with you…

Failing that get on plentyoffish .com i guess. Its like a rabbits warren…(so i’ve heard)

Well you’ve obviously got something to get off your chest…such negativity.

I’ve had ms for 17 years. I’m pretty far along the road, I’ve a Supra Pubic Catheter and a most of the time weelie user. I met an amazing man online, we’ve been together three years. I have the attitude that I may have ms but it doesn’t have me. I’m not saying it was a piece of cake finding John, I waited a long time and there are a lot of narrow minded people who look only at what they see infront of them and not what is inside.

Hold your head up high and be Ben!

Sara x

hiya again

i think theres a huge difference between between being lonely and being alone…

i will attempt to explain!

being lonely can be rectified by company whether that be through friends, family, anybody can can give u company (which i am guessing was original posters question)

being alone can be experienced by being on ur own or even in a crowded room. i am understanding jose1702’s comment in the sense that you will always be alone with this illness cos ONLY YOU know what ur are feeling/experiencing (tho we even struggle with that-hence these boards!). i for one wouldnt wish this experience one my worst enemy (not that i have one!) but i have learnt over the years that i am dealing with this in my own way- i have chosen to .let friends/family in to assisst/support me but can understand jose’s choice not to .and more importantly i am in no position to say who is right or wrong.

i find this a huge problem-the written word cos we all interpret the words depending on our life experience.

take care all-cope today in YOUR way. (today mine is on couch yapping with son-who is still in pj’s too-and listening/watching some tv) ellie

I absolutely agree with everything you’ve said ellie. But Ben was asking the question and we were considering his feelings and giving positive answers. This wasn’t about jose’s.

hiya

i can see that from replies. i was merely trying trying to understand the reaction to jose’s reply…and thats what i come up with-which might be completely wrong of course!

Not wrong at all ellie…your entitled to your opinion and I agree with a lot of what you said

Ben

I’ve been single for 10 months now and was diagnosed with MS last week. In a way I feel more happy now in some respects being single than I was a year ago today living with the wrong guy. My CIS was a severe multiple symptom assult this Feburary and before then didn’t know really anything about MS. Its been good for me in many ways having time to myself and not longing for a new man to get over the last man in my life. If you were living near me I would suggest meeting up with you as we have recently been through a similar experience of being diagnosed. Take care of yourself Helen x

yea ben where do you live?

anywhere near manchester?

is so i’d recommend you go to trafford ms therapy centre.

loads of good company, folk with all flavours of ms but all happy.

carole x

Being alone isn’t the end of the world. The main thing is to be happy with yourself and if you can be happy alone, then you’ll find it much easier to meet a prospective partner.

I have MS and am single. My ex ended things shortly after I was diagnosed and I found it extremely difficult and was very hurt. It knocked my confidence massively and took me a number of months to lick my wounds and build myself back up to a point where I felt good about myself.

Initially I tried online dating and was upfront about my diagnosis and can’t say it’s been a problem at all. Most people I’ve had dates with have wanted another date, MS or no MS.

However, I felt that as I wasn’t over my last relationship at the time, I should really just focus on myself and getting my life back in order. I took some positive steps, both in terms of my MS and my social life. I joined a group on meetup.com and I’ve made more of an effort with my friends and family. I was suffering with anxiety so I went to the GP and started on meds for that. I also got my MS meds in order and a few months on I felt so much better, my social calender is full and I’m really enjoying life and feeling so much better about things. I’ve been on a few dates with one person and he has no problem with my MS but ironically enough, I’m not sure I want a relationship at the moment so although he wants to be a “couple” I’ve asked that we just take it as it comes.

My main priority at the moment is my daughter and my health (both physical and mental) and I’m not really looking to rock the boat right now because I’ve gotten to such a good and positive place.

Anyway, the long and the short of it is, get over your last relationship first. Build up your single life so that you have friends and a social outlet. Be happy with who you are and the life you have before you start looking for a relationship again.