Coming a bit late to this conversation but the same thing happened to me six months ago. I am 69 and was unable to transfer myself. I was sent home from hospital with a Ross Return which is sort of like a porter’s trolley and needed two people in attendance. This meant I could only go to the toilet 4 times a day when the carers were in attendance. To make matters worse they sent me home with a very bad urine infection which took 6 weeks to clear up! I also had bowel problems. I’ll leave you to imagine what sort of state I was in and how demoralised I was.
The nights were terrible with carers putting me to bed around 8 and coming to get me up 12 or 13 hours later. My wretched bladder wouldn’t let me sleep for more than 2 or three hours then I was awake the rest of the night. One night the fire alarm went off in my block of flats and I thought I was going to be burnt to a crisp! I was completely disempowered. Even when the District Nurse called round each day to administer my injection she couldn’t take me to the loo even if I was crying with desperation - had to be two people.
My advice would be to make as much noise as possible to as many people as possible until somebody listens. Don’t just let it happen. With me, eventually, I was referred to the Community Matron, a wonderful man who really got things moving. He got me a hospital type bed for starters which has helped me such a lot. More importantly he pestered a local hospital until I was admitted to their rehab ward.On the first day they showed me how to use a walking frame with arm supports (a gutter frame) to transfer myself from bed or chair to commode. The next day they told me I could go home!
Now, 4 months later, I have regained most of my independence. No more carers (they were wonderful though) I wash dress and feed myself, manage my own meds and best of all go to the loo whenever I want! Still can’t walk but I manage with a mobility scooter for outside and a powered wheelchair indoors (a recent acquisition, before I managed to use one leg to scootch around in an ordinary one).
Today I used the mobility scooter to go across to my surgery for the inaugural meeting of their Patient Participation Group. Hopefully I will be able to put my own experience to good use.
So if you want to help your ex make as much fuss as you can until somebody does something! As I say I’m late to this conversation so I really hope things have been resolved satisfactorily by now.