Residential or home care?

My mum is 81 and has been diagnosed for 30 years. She is incontinent, cannot load bear at all and lives at home with my dad. We have carers 4 times a day which we fund. Last night she was taken into hospital with suspected sepsis which turned out to be pneumonia.

She fell yesterday as well as she slipped out of her harness whilst going to the toilet hence the ambulance was called. Our concern is will she be allowed back home? She has a sort of carry hoist for want of a better term, which needs two people. My dad can’t manage it by himself either. We have considered getting a ceiling tracking system installed at home but the ceilings are 12 feet high and so the companies we have approached have all decided it would not be safe so what are the alternatives, if any? Can anyone help or advise? Thank you.

From a safety point of view a care home. You and Family may disagree but who will attend when the Carers aren’t there or medical help is needed. It’s a case of peace of mind and common sense. I know, as I’m going through the same process with my Mum who is 90.

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What a difficult position to be in. Does your mum have the mental capacity to assist in this decision? I worked in a nursing home as a registered nurse and can tell you that there are some excellent homes. It’s not at all like being in hospital, their rooms are their own and they can have pictures etc of their own, some even allow small pieces of furniture to make rooms more homely.

They have all the equipment and regular training sessions to help them care for your mum safely. The fact that there is 24 hour care means they are constantly monitored and looked after. You have to view it as a positive move to provide the care she needs, it isn’t a punishment . Most nursing homes have flexible visiting hours too, and if there is adequate assistance, many residents can leave for days out.

Many of the residents I looked after felt more comfortable in the care home, it may be worth looking around.

Good luck


I’m sorry to hear about your mum. Cath made a crucial point about your mum being part of the decision making process.

I’m here in my man cave doggedly stubborn about staying independent but I will not argue when I know the time is right to move into care.

All my best wishes.