killing with kindness

Hello folks,

Just come back from a lovely weekend with our good friends in the Wirral. Was reluctant at first as hadn’t seen them since before I was dxd. They were planning on things for us to all do (they have 3 kids as well’ making 6 kids between us). They obviously didn’t know what to expect as they suggested the zoo, but my wife said it may be a little ott for me to be on my feet but could take it at my own pace. They suggested (very sweetly and with nicest of intentions) that we could get in on a discount if I used one of the zoo’s wheelchairs and said wife was my carer.

Not to take away from the hateful situation that being chairbound entails but I respectfully declined the offer, secure in the knowledge that based on current progress of my deterioration I will probably need one in the near future anyway…

On a completely unrelated point, has anyone (suffering with poor speech) had anyone insisting on finishing their sentences for them? I may kill the next time it happens…

Best to all, fluffyollie xx

hi fluffyollie

(your name still makes me think of christopher’s fish)

what a nice bunch of friends. at least they were trying to help.

sometimes i know when someone is doing their best to help but depending on lots of things i sometimes feel resentful.

it’s awful when we feel like we’re being patronised though and finishing our sentences is a prime example.

maybe murder is a little extreme?

carole x

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Hi fo

It is good to have friends who make the effort isn’t it? although I think I would have said no to the wheelchair. I had to sit in one recently for airport assistance and I did not like it.

I love the zoo though fo, that I would have enjoyed.

The only person who finishes my sentences is my husband but I do it to him too Lol. Seriously though, I can see why you feel irritated.

We are selling our flat and the other week my husband was telling some prospective viewers why we are moving-speaking about me like I’m not in the room. I nearly killed him after the viewing-he won’t be repeating that behavior… Bless him.

Noreen xx

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why was it your wife and not you who said the wheelchair was ott?


I have done this wheelchair/carer thing a couple of times now but only because I realised the only person losing out was me. But it’s been 16 years since diagnosis so I am sort of used to it now. It did take that long though so I do understand.

Not the zoo though - I wouldn’t have done that as I think keeping animals in captivity is horrific. Awful places…

I’ve sent you a link about finishing sentences. Try that next time someone does it!


Hi, I have often tried my very best on these boards, to hep people get to grips with the idea of using a wheelchair…whether it be for a short time or full time.

I`ve always thought it must be harder for the man in a couple to be the one who needs physical help. I know my own fella would be as stubborn as a goat, if his mobility was poor enough to warrant a suggestion of a wheelchair from anyone. He is an old fashioned bloke, who believes he HAS to be the stronger one, the breadwinner, the protector.

All that is admirable and understandable.

I know how important our mobility is to ALL of us, but when the time comes where we have to refuse or shorten trips out, then we need to question our own thoughts. Do we want to stay home, never go anywhere, or go and come back totally worn out and irritable?

Everyone is entitled to their own feelings on this subject, course they are…but in my own experience, wheelchairs have saved me from having a much more difficult and boring life.

Sorry if this sounds like nagging, just trying to help, is all.

luv Pollx

Good point made about the wheelchair Poll. If it comes to needing one, I dare say it as to be faced.

I couldn’t have managed Manchester airport without using one.


she had sounded me out on the idea as she’d been making the arrangements for the visit- the term ‘that’s a bit ott’ was the message she relayed, which is a lot more polite than what my first thought was…

seriously though, i completely appreciate the thoughts.

i have just decided to get a self propelling chair or a rollator with a seat.

this is because i want to be involved in the upcoming election and i’ve promised to join a demonstration to save the nhs.

i can’t stand still for more than 2 minutes before my legs give way.

i could also do some collecting for the ms therapy centre.

so that’s my motivation to taking on more mobility aids.

problem is explaining to my dad that it doesn’t mean that i’m giving up!

carole x

Self propelled are great if someone is pushing! I have great difficulty when outside on pavements, indoor shopping centres are ok but unless you’re Arnold Schwarzenegger outdoors is very hard.

Try hiring one from your local mobility shop before buying. Rollators are great for keeping you upright and they have the bonus of a seat.

Best wishes

Jan x

what about a mobility scooter, i got one as i just hated being pushed in a w/c my other half wasnt much good at it, it was a bit like his driving,and we always argue about that lol,

i have used a w/c a few times but always felt really bad when i did,so i bought a scooter and although i feel a bit conscious on it, i feel better about it than the w/c,and you can whizz about where you want,and dont have to rely on being pushed about.

as for people finishing off your sentences,just tell them they are being very rude by doing so(after you have slapped them lol)

J x

We’re all different aren’t we? I much prefer the wheelchair if there’s someone to push, as it is lighter and folds up so we can put it out of the way when we get to where we’re going. I use the scooter if I’m doing things on my own.

Hello Fluffy.

I sometimes stutter and really hate people thinking they’re smart/ helpful by finishing my sentences for me. So much so, if someone does do it, I tend to do an “Arkwright” (Open all hours for the Young 'uns out there) and change the ending, just to confuse them.

PS don’t bury the bodies deep- use Quick lime, acids or feed them to the pigs

As for the wheelchair, I s’pose they were just trying to be helpful. Be grateful you have people who care (even if they’re misguided) about you and your health.

Just explain nicely and thank them for their consideration.

Hi again.It`s true that most folk dont feel so bad (as in disabled) when using a scooter as opposed to a wheelchair.

Also i think other people look at you in a different way.


Here is another voice for the power of wheels to give you a better life.

Ive just got in from an afternoon volunteering. I went on the bus, did a bit of shopping first. Spent a couple of hours working with some very pleasant people and got the bus home. Without my wheelchair none of that would have been possible. I couldn’t have even got to the bus stop let alone take off for an afternoon’s activity on my own.

With a wheelchair I am an independent person who can go/do almost anything. Without the chair I am stuck at home, too afraid to venture out in case I fall or get too tired to make it back. I know that it is a big move to accept a wheelchair but it’s soooo liberating. Far from making me feel disabled it makes me feel normal.


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Very well said, Jane!