I am really worried to be honest. Just lately i seem to be constantly irritable. I never used to be like that.
I am having counselling at the moment to try and cope with my illness, but the irritablity is still with me. I could just SCREAM. I feel so sorry for my husband he only has to breath and he irritates me.
I dont know what to do. Its really having an impact on my life right now and scaring the hell out of me.
I could just smash the house into pieces.
Do others feel this way or is it just me. I dont like being like this, i was always such a laid back person. I feel if I cant sort it out, I shall loose my husband, as I just constantly argue with him.
What your feeling is quite common amongst people with an incurable disease. Since I was diagnosed in August my irritation levels have soared. Having said that its never taken much for my husband to irritate me…bless him.
Have you considered a low dose antidepressent, you may find this really beneficial.
As Blossom said, it’s a typical feeling to get when dealing with an illness like MS. Anger is one of the stages of grief, and as we grieve the loss of our old lives, it’s unsurprising we can get angry. The key thing is what you do with the anger. Suppressing it isn’t going to help - it’ll still come out somehow - but obvioiusly neither is snapping at people! Just a thought, but you say you could scream - why don’t you? I sometimes do it - I get a pillow and just have a good yell. I always feel better afterwards, as having the frustration churning round inside me doesn’t do me any favours. It’s good that you’re getting counselling. Journalling helps me too to get out what I’m feeling (there have been times when I’ve got the pen and just violently scribbled!)
Also, I think it’s important you explain to your hubby that it’s not him you’re angry at -it’s the loss of things you used to be able to do freely.
This MS has completely taken the wind out of me. I look forward to going to bed these days. I’m going to give uo my very part time uni course as I just don’t need any stress. I used to write piano music so may be that can be my focus from now on, not for selling though. I was so hoping to recover completely from this first major relapse but it been 12 months since falling ill and just over 10 months from begiining steroids, so am working out will I recover anymore? get the feeling no. x
Hi, When my husband’s at home, he spends his time upstairs sat on the bed with his laptop. He only comes down to make a coffee or to make tea. My boys spend all day on the Xbox. My husband says being around me is like walking on egg shells as I get upset very easily. From my point of view, I’m now an outcast. No one wants to spend time with me because they don’t know what to say. We never go out anywhere as a family because it’s too restrictive for others - they don’t want to potter along on wheelchair-friendly paths. The OT keeps suggesting adaptations that ŵill help me, but my husband isn’t too keen. He thinks they make the house look cheap and he doesn’t want to be left with lots of expensive work to do to put everything back to “normal” when I don’t need them anymore. Being around others is like walking on egg shells for me. I can’t be myself. I feel as though I have to put others first otherwise I’m spoiling things for them. I don’t take any medication - there’s nothing I can be given plus I don’t agree with prescription drugs - I try very hard with health and diet, but I’m just ridiculed by my family. My mother-in-law is a retired nurse, and I think she is expecting me to deteriorate to a vegetable. Her opinions have probably shaped those of the rest of the family, including my husband. I’ve currently got the dreaded flu bug that’s going around. Over Christmas my legs have been so achey and stiff that I’ve struggled to stand up to go to the loo, and yes, I’ve been in tears about it and how I’ve had to rely on others to help me out, which my husband has again been fed up with. I’ve taken paracetamol, but he doesn’t approve as he doesn’t take anything when he’s ill. He didn’t approve when I first applied for DLA - he says it’s charity - and he never takes time off work sick, he always takes it as holiday. He thinks being sick makes you look soft. My husband isn’t a bad person, but holds some opinions that conflict with my current circumstances. I guess in OCD terms, you could say he feels contaminated by me. Actually, that’s quite a good way of thinking about it. Moan over. Just wanted you to know you’re not alone. Heather
OMG you made me cry. I cant believe anyone could treat you this way. My goodness me.
I dont know how bad you are, but if you have care needs and mobility problems have you thought about getting Direct Payments? I get 10 hours a week now. I have 2 ladies. Without them i would not be here now. I have had them 5 years.
I started off with 3.5 hrs then 7.5 and now 10.
You contact your local adult social services and talk to them. IF you get DLA it helps your case.
You get assessed for needs.
I use my budget to pay for my ladies. They come in most days and just do an hour here and there, take me out, do my shopping, talk to me, get prescriptions all kinds of things. Its so lovely having someone to talk to.
My husband is ignorant too. He sits watching the telly all the time when he isnt working. I cant wait for him to go back to work to be honest. He should have retired 3 years ago.
He has COPD and can hardly breath so is useless in helping me. He is a good man really but hasnt got a clue.
I constantly argue with him at the moment I feel bad about it, but feel so irritated I dont know how to stop it.
Your post has actually made me feel in a way how lucky i am.
My sister is marvellous she comes all the way from bristol to see me before she goes to work some weeks thats a round trip of an hours driving for her.
I have a great family, although my daughters have their own problems so I dont call on them much.
You cant help having MS, and its not flipping contagious either. You need support and you need someone to talk to. Your husband needs a good kick up the back side lol.
Poor you, I am sending you huge hugs hun. xxxxxxxx
Hello all, It seems that most of these posts were from women (accept Dan), I think irritability (at least mine) does not come me thinking I have MS, but MS is causing my moods. I also seem quite isolated by these moods, I know they are wrong but can’t seem to help myself. I don’t want to go the anti depressant route as I hold a pretty high security clearance through the US Government and any wind of me seeking mental help will trigger me losing that clearance and this my job. I’m lucky enough to be a one man office so at least I can only yell at myself lol. I’m scared for my family though, my kids are 17 (twins) and I’m getting the feeling the wife will be leaving after high school because of my mood. I have tried to talk with her about this, it just seems she won’t be able to handle things when they get a a bit rougher. I try to isolate myself so that my moods won’t effect anyone else. I am up for any suggestions though. I really appreciate this site, where else can you vent without fear. Thanks Greg
Surely if your gp prescribed antidepressents it would be confidential.
Your marriage is worth the risk don’t you think…can’t see any reason why your gp would feel the need to let your bosses know. Can I just say, taking antidepressents seems a sensible proactive thing to do if all else as failed.
Once there is a chemical imbalance in the brain, it just needs a bit of help to put it right…its no big deal.
With the clearance , I have to answer all sorts of questions and those type are on there. I am thinking about medically retiring in about 6 months so no problems after that, just got to get a few things in order first. I know in my head they are the right thing to do, it’s just that I have to think of the future from a monetary standpoint. I do appreciate your comments, more than you know. Greg
This sounds almost like me…I feel like I want to scream and shout one minute particularly at my husband and son who is 4. Then I feel I get tearful at the slightest thing such As advert or something in tv …this but especially isn’t like me. However I am unsure if its my rebif or m.s causing these mood swings. Feel also quite aggressive at times too and have irrational thoughts! It’s weird. Hope you feel better soon. Xxxx
I don’t take any medication for my ms but I do get quite irritable and aggressive at times. Also I can’t tolerate loud noise now or being around a lot of people…makes me feel quite anxious. I also can’t handle being rushed, I must be allowed to go at my own pace…and god help anyone who tries to rush me
Maybe its caused by brain lesions…depending what part of the brain is affected.
Lots of the symptoms mentioned here ring bells with me. It’s usually a combination of fatigue, leg pain etc. I sometimes just need to leave the room. Kids, dog & husband are great but the overload can be overwhelming. Feeling very low in general and am starting anti depressants on Thursday (after a few drinks for New Year obviously). Just hope they help.
I was really struggling today… feeling quite alone. Blame it on the year, the season, the disease… I just want to SCREAM and throw a tantrum, like the little child kicking and screaming on the floor. SIGH - it won’t solve anything and I will just end up tired. It is a fun thought though. Althought I hate that anyone else is in the same boat that I am, it does help to know you have crew mates!
[quote=“Anonymous”] Hi, When my husband’s at home, he spends his time upstairs sat on the bed with his laptop. He only comes down to make a coffee or to make tea. My boys spend all day on the Xbox. My husband says being around me is like walking on egg shells as I get upset very easily. From my point of view, I’m now an outcast. No one wants to spend time with me because they don’t know what to say. We never go out anywhere as a family because it’s too restrictive for others - they don’t want to potter along on wheelchair-friendly paths. The OT keeps suggesting adaptations that ŵill help me, but my husband isn’t too keen. He thinks they make the house look cheap and he doesn’t want to be left with lots of expensive work to do to put everything back to “normal” when I don’t need them anymore. Being around others is like walking on egg shells for me. I can’t be myself. I feel as though I have to put others first otherwise I’m spoiling things for them. I don’t take any medication - there’s nothing I can be given plus I don’t agree with prescription drugs - I try very hard with health and diet, but I’m just ridiculed by my family. My mother-in-law is a retired nurse, and I think she is expecting me to deteriorate to a vegetable. Her opinions have probably shaped those of the rest of the family, including my husband. I’ve currently got the dreaded flu bug that’s going around. Over Christmas my legs have been so achey and stiff that I’ve struggled to stand up to go to the loo, and yes, I’ve been in tears about it and how I’ve had to rely on others to help me out, which my husband has again been fed up with. I’ve taken paracetamol, but he doesn’t approve as he doesn’t take anything when he’s ill. He didn’t approve when I first applied for DLA - he says it’s charity - and he never takes time off work sick, he always takes it as holiday. He thinks being sick makes you look soft. My husband isn’t a bad person, but holds some opinions that conflict with my current circumstances. I guess in OCD terms, you could say he feels contaminated by me. Actually, that’s quite a good way of thinking about it. Moan over. Just wanted you to know you’re not alone. Heather [/quote] Heather, this post really hit a chord with me…I too and I am sure most of people with ms have had to not only deal with dx and symptoms but educate others on ms. It drives me mental. The other day I dragged myself out as felt obliged to though felt shocking, struggled through evening being chatty and good company, nearly killed myself doing it, couple of people were openly miffed as felt I wasn’t giving them enough attention. Wtf. Been in bed for nearly a week. Husband is annoyed as got to look after kids on his week off. Spoken about 2 words. Asked him to book dr app to do urine sample and booked it for 6.45. When asked if he told surgery that it was emergency he looked blank…for goodness sake it’s not rocket science is it. Kids are driving me mental. Only interested in their own social life and whinging about not going out New Year’s Eve. Have lost it a few times today, loads of tears can’t deal with insensitivity, not asking for sympathy just bit of understanding. Think when we feel rotten we need loads do attention like anyone else. We are no different. I feel like I am being a baby. My husband and I split when I was first ill as he couldn’t handle it. Be aware that some people are v v selfish. Tell you husband to man up. You deserve better my friend. It took me a while to work that out. We worked through it with counselling, but I always worry when I am ill that he can’t deal with it. This is HIS issue not yours. Kids they have to be made aware that mummy needs support. I worked on theory that I can’t be disappointed with other peoples behaviour if I haven’t told them Of my expectations. Keep talking keep communication going always. Good luck my friend. Hope u feel better soon…thinking if you xxx
Greg, if you’re up for suggestions, there’s a couple things that immediately come to mind. Firstly, you say that these moods are ‘wrong’. I think labelling any emotion as bad or wrong is unhelpful. Emotions are just what they are, and there is nothing ‘wrong’ with them. They may not be pleasant and we may not want to feel them, but they are always valid (minfulness meditation is very good at helping to simply notice feelings without judging them).
The other thing I’d say is to not isolate yourself. The emotional weight of simply being alive can be too much to carry alone much of the time, and even more so when we’ve got something like MS going on in our lives. Having ways to let out what you’re feeling, to reach out & connect with others, I’m sure will help massively. This could be talkng with friends, or seeing a counsellor. Or, if you don’t feel able to talk to other people, try journalling, as I’m sure that will help you to process it. Suppressing (‘depressing’) emotions is well known to lead to depression in the long run, so being able to express them, even if it feels horrible to do, will help get it out.
My first thoughts are sit your family down and talk to them and tell them exactly how you feel. Tell them you are scared of the future what it holds for you all.
Speak to your wife. If you love her fight for her.
There are things you can do to help you, try meditation or even yoga, OR if you can go out for walks I know it can be hard to do these things.
I actually did it on Sunday. I got up it was frosty outside i love this the cold. So i did a few little chores and my husband started moaning again he was cold blah blah, and my irritable levels increased, so i grabbed my coat and boots and hat and scarf and the dog and for the first time in MONTHS I took myself for a small walk across the road to our park.
I felt so FREE. I was in agony trying to walk and scared too as I wondered how i would get back if i was too tired, but i was so determined to do it.
I just filled my lungs with fresh air, and thought gosh doesnt the ground and the trees look pretty with their frost cobwebs and everything did look so surreal it was amazing.
I didnt walk long it takes me ages dragging my dead fish leg encased in concrete around lol, but i DID IT. I sat down on the bench and got my breath, and I really felt better.
I had only walked a little ways but for me it was like doing a marathon. I managed to get back with my dog, and sat on my recliner chair for most of the rest of the day, but i actually felt GREAT. Not irritable and not moody. I had remembered what life used to be like, just chilling on a park bench looking at nature and watching the world go round.
I am going out again this morning as the weather has a lull in it (we have had storms), and do it again. I am in loads of pain but I am going to try and get some fresh air again.
When i see my councellor again i am going to ask her to help me with some meditation technigues.
Hang in there BUT talk to your family dont be alone your wife signed up to be with you in sickness and in health. xx
I hate loud noise and too much going around me, it almost spaces me out. People dont realise just going out for xmas lunch was hard and it took a toll on me.
I wish they could just understand how this illness makes us feel. Its not just having mobility problems, its also about emotional problems.
I take one propanonol for my anxiety and bloody pressure and that does help a little, before then i got really anxious.
I feel detached some days like i am looking down on a stranger. I want me back why is it all so hard. Eeeeek I sound just like my husband moaning lol. xxx
All, Just woke up to all your posts, I must say, I’m overwhelmed by the support I get on this site. Dan and Goldengirl, you two must be cut out of the same cloth, thanks for the great advice, I will seriously consider sitting down with the family soon and start the discussion. I did not mean the emotions themselves are wrong, but I know I shouldn’t be feeling them is what is wrong. Two months ago I was told that I have progressed to Secondary Progressive. One month later I stopped taking the Capaxone, my neurologist prescribed Clonazepam for the restless legs, I found it helped me sleep a little, but still worried about the addictive properties. I saw some mention of others having problems with loud noises and such. Has anyone else out there found it down right impossible to sit with others while eating and listen to them chew. Mind you I have very polite kids and wife, they keep their mouth closed, I just can’t seem to be in then same room when they eat, it literally drives me crazy! Goldengirl, I do know the benefits of walking, I used to be an avid runner, I accomplished 3 half marathons in my 40s and my goal WAS the Berlin full Marathon when I turned 50 in July, but thanks to MS, I will have to set a new goal. I do enjoy walking , but like you the thought of spending the next two days in a chair doesn’t seem worth it to me. But I will give it a shot. Again, what a wonderful way to wake up and find so many people who understand you and are willing to help. I work on a NATO base so I am surrounded by many nationalities, I am finding out we are all really the same if we just look at little deeper. Thanks again Greg