Irritability.....

Everyday living
21

I too have mood swings and struggle hard and have to move to another room, count to ten and dig my nails into my palms. Silly things like the OH always asking whether the stuff in the dishwasher is clean or dirty - to me it’s not rocket science just use your eyes but I have to remind myself it’s just his way. I am sure I annoy him much more. I’m easily frustrated over things I can no longer do and have found it hard coping with not being in control of what is happening to my body. I am usually the strong one, the one who organizes everything, the one who does or rather did all the DIY etc.

Hey Jen don’t beat yourself up - babies do not come with instruction manuals - all parents learn by trial and error. Parenthood is a twenty year apprenticeship and when you finally wave goodbye and sigh with relief that they and you survived the skills you learned along the way are no longer required! I remember my parents telling me “this is not a hotel” and vowed never to say it to my children but some 30 yrs later I heard myself telling my daughter exactly that, but both my children survived and have grown into lovely people following their chosen careers.

thank goodness for this forum and the lovely knowledgeable people contributing. Thanks gang for being active on the site.

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Ahh Jen!! bless you for writing about yourself…I hope it helped you.

You sound like a lovely caring mum to me…I know you are!! None of us are perfect, we just try are our best with what we have and know at the time.

The past is done now and can’t be changed…its a waste of good energy worrying about it. Concentrate on the here and now.

I reckon, the only way children really appreciate their parents, is when or if they go on to have children of their own…then they get a taste of of their own medicine lol

Antidepressents do take a couple of weeks to build up in the system. Also somtimes, its a case of trying more than one, in order to find the correct one thats suitable.

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Hi, I don’t know why my reply displays as Annonymous. I didn’t press the button. But thanks for your comments. Heather

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[Edited]

Hi, there are so many of us out there going through similar stuff. I have bolded some of your answer, I too suffer with all these things.

The chewing drives me nuts too lol…My husband does it sometimes I could scream.

Anyway I had a little breakthrough this morning, after reading the posts, I sat myu husband down and told him how i felt. We had a long chat and got a few things out.

Its a start hopefully. I told him i just cant stand him ignoring me. He has no clue how my illness impacts me.

He said to me, why do you have to have such a rigid regime everymorning. Things have to be done in such a way…etc and it drives him mad.

So I said to him, ok think of a large egg timer the type with sand in them and then tip it upside down. Slowly the grains of sand go down. Well my energy is a grain of sand. I wake up with just enough energy to do the chores I feel i need to do to make my life comfortable. This includes getting up, tidying the bedrooms, having a wash getting dressed, doing dishes he has left all night (usually left out so the plates are hard to wash), clean the kitchen quickly, maybe put in washing, do a quick hoover, maybe wash the kitchen floor. I have to eat my breakfast before 9.30 as I need to take my tablets.

By 11am I am always finished and then I have to rest as the grains of sand are all gone downwards and so has my energy.

I sit and have my coffee and a little cake and rest until 1pm until he comes home for lunch.

I have to live this way, its the only way i can cope. I am always in bed by 6pm as come 3pm my energy levels just go down hill again.

I think he finally understood. He said why not leave hoovering for a few days and I said well if i did that the carpets would be disgusting and would take me even longer to clean lol…yes i am a bit OCD with my house and i even have a cleaner, but i think if i have to sit in it all day then it should at least be clean.

We shall see what happens. I promised him i would try to be less irritable with him.

We all need someone to talk to it is hard having a chronic illness it impacts our life in so many ways.

I said to him, he can go to work and talk all day, when he comes home he never speaks to me. He said he is tired I said to him well lucky you, i have sat at home all day talking to the dogs and cats. I would swap your life even with COPD rather then sit here all day watching a grain of sand slowly drip drip drip until there is nothing left and I am wiped out again and the only thing i have to look forward to is you coming home and ignoring me lol.

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Hello Heather

I have a very good friend, who had a husband similar to yours. She’s happily maried to someone else now.

I hope things improve for you with your relationship.

Take care,

26

The noisy chewers drive me mad. I am on such a short fuse lately. The littlest thing drives me mad!!! Urghhhhhhhhh… My husband is really getting under my skin. I don’t even like my own company lately. I’m sure he doesn’t like mine.

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Hi Jen, Years of fostering has taught me that all children have issues even those from “normal” whatever that is, families. All children crave boundaries and push and push until they find them. I found a “children who foster” support group for my own children and it was their lifeline being with others who actually knew what it was like to have to “share” their parents with other children. I know your OH and children dislike the idea of counselling but discussing in a safe environment their fears and emotions either as a family or privately really will help. Doesn’t have to be “a chat” most of the therapy done with my foster children involved a day out with a therapist doing things (theme parks,cinema, meal out, painting, swimming whatever the children wanted to do) as they were more likely to talk more whilst doing things and on neutral ground. With regard to your son, probably habit or attention seeking as he knows it will get a response. Case of raiding I think (Reinforce Appropriate, Ignore Disruptive) worth a try. With your daughter she sounds like any other young hormonal female. I can promise you it will pass. She is probably of an age where she craves independence but is not mature enough to actually admit she also needs guidance and her parents to be there and have the boundaries in place. Think we can all remember being horrible to our parents when growing up I know I was. Hang on in there - it sounds to me you have raised a couple of lovely “normal” (how I hate that word but can’t think of another - damn this fog) children. I honestly think you have done a sterling job.

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I have a son Jen…he’s 31 now. Males are born playing with their tackle as you call it lol…its their first toy

Don’t worry about it, he will grow out of it…in front of you anyway

Once your daughter sees you moving on…she will too. No more guilt tripping…enough now