this forum is priceless.
where else could you unload your worries to non judgemental folk and get advice and support?
see a solicitor before you move out just to make sure that the pig doesn’t gain from the horrible relationship.
wishing you all the very best
carole x
The very best, hope all goes to plan, hugs
I’ll say! My daughter was “bought” for an iPhone 6 by her mother and doesn’t have anything to do with me now. I felt quite betrayed at the time but can’t even be bothered to think about it now
My recollection is that you are entitled to the family home until the youngest child is 18.
Do what all the others have urged, and see a solicitor - now.
Let the first line of this post be your first question.
Geoff
Geoff
My son is not his child it’s his stepson. Also this bungalow is not in my name, nothing in the house is mine and he reminds me all the time I have nothing. He pays all of the bills including the mortgage so I’m believing I have no claim on it at all.
thank you for your comment it’s good to know tyres people somewhere that care.
Mandy
Doesn’t matter, you are the partner. He is not the law he just thinks he is, the law is the law. You will have to develop a curved head - everything that is said that is not fact flows over the top. I had a personal mantra, so that when I could hear the things being said or not nice actions, I would whisper to myself in my head my mantra. I can’t tell you what it is because it involves swear words. My brain would repeat the mantra over and over, I would then go and listen to Linkin Park and Limp Bizkit who geared me up to be a bit stronger. We are all happy, my children have grown up and have babies of their own. The person in the background is still causing harm by painful words, so we all have our way of dealing with things. One day, you will sit and think right I can take a bit more of this, but I need a curved head and even though my body might be a bit woo, I can be strong and stronger. Patience, bit by bit, day at a time. Need a plan but need a good plan! A proper plan.
To be honest Mandy, I would rather leave and have nothing, be emergency housed and start all over again than be captive to someone!
He may well own a house (one level inc) and all it’s contents but he can’t own you!
For all the materials in the world you can’t replace your mother so that’s that battle won!
I have to be on an open palm not a squeezed fist!
Someone who loves you would never block your exits (feel like you have to stay) , clip your wings (ability to leave and self confidence) or squash your beauty (what makes you who you are)
When we see a butterfly dancing in the sun I always tell my daughter that’s her, and she must dance in the sun, the rain and the snow all her life and anyone in it dances with her but doesn’t stop her dancing !!
Now, do like a butterfly onto the next chapter xx
Butterflies are free.
That was an old film starring Goldie Hawn. A very lovely one. Worth watching today even. 
Before l met my OH. His previous girlfriend . …who had lived with him for a few years - and was studying to be a social worker - so had never paid anything into the ‘home’ … and he even paid for her car. Well she upped and left with the next-door neighbour whilst ‘OH’ was working in lraq. [Neighbours wife was not happy about it.]
WELL …the girlfriend claimed on the value of the house and OH had to re-mortgage to buy her out. Even though nothing was in her name.
Now another situation… Someone l know with MS… she divorced her husband [he was having an affair with his PA] and the judge gave her the house. She had a son aged 16 who was about to go to college - similar to you. But because of her MS - the judge felt she should stay in the home - and she got full ownership of it. Much to the surprise/shock horror to her husband. He had to start again - and get a mortgage to buy another property.
Hope these actual ‘snippets’ will fuel your fight to stay where you are and get proper advice. Really, play on your illness – as we never know how things will progress…sadly.
Hi Mandy, as the others have said, you deserve to be free from this mental torture. This INSIGNIFICANT other is a bully & cruel to convince you rely on him. But this is untrue.
He doesn’t deserve you being around him to clean up & do his chores. You work, cope with MS, a teenager, 2 dogs, cook and clean. Mandy, you are Superwoman! You have strength whilst he is weak. Just a weak bully trying to destroy your self esteem & confidence.
To leave him and start again can seem a mountain to climb, but only needs walking one step outside the unforgiving threshold to head for independence and freedom.
Great to read you’re planning your escape, have you seen any properties or challenged 'im indoors? Any legal advice? Please let us know how you’re getting on. Lots of fabulous people here who understand.
Wishing you good luck Mandy, take care of you xx
It sounds like he couldn’t cope with your mood swings and the difficulties between you just went on and on and got worse.
He reckons your mood swings have got nothing to do with your MS. The fact is moody people are very unpleasant to live with MS or not.
Can you talk about this with him and try and find a way out of the moody behaviour. People with MS will say they can’t help it, but it is a fact that you do need to do something about it because moody people are just unpleasant.
From the other side if he divorces you there will be a divorce settlement. Your marital home will be part of that. He cannot throw you out of your marital home whether it is rented or not. Just because something is in the husband’s name doesn’t make it his, it’s both of yours.
You do need to see a lawyer or the CAB or something appropriate.
Oh dear Mandy. I do feel for you.
Perhaps you are moody as you don’t feel as loved as you should feel whether you have MS or not. I think I would be moody if my hubby was like your other (not better) half.
Take care of yourself huni.
Shazzie xx
OK first thing Monday you ring a solicitor and stop making excuses how its all your fault and he has the upper hand. He doesnt. You are married. He cant just chuck you out. You have every right and with children still in education you have a right to a roof over your head.
Where are the childrens father i hope he is still paying maintenance for them.
So i can say all kinds of things, but they only thing i need to say is SOLICITOR. You are also entitled to some of his estate if you have been married 7 years.
This man well what can I say. The other thing is see your local council and talk to them about a home for you and your children. You could go the route, of sticking your guns in the house, and he would have to LEGALLY get you out, take you to court and get a notice to quit but as your married not sure how that works. thats why you need solicitor. If you can get a notice to quite and become homeless the council have to help you, and you will or should get help with a new place. Is the bungalow private rental? If he didnt want you on the contract he had other ideas.
Seems to me you are working and i suppose you paying the bills are you paying towards the rent you can see where i am going here cant you.
So I am not saying much else, because i will get mad so my advice is ring a solicitor find out where you stand and kick his sorry arse out of your life. He is USING you. May his round ones go green and fall off ha ha. Nasty man. xx
WOW WOW WOW!!!
Its been well over a year since I wrote this post and I didn’t log back in to read the replies. Firstly thank you all so much, I feel right now was exactly the time to put in an appearance because tomorrow I move into my parents… the husband has thrown me out again. This time I’m going, leaving with just my clothes but I WILL BE BACK, back to claim what is mine. I’m stronger this time, stronger than I was July 2017 anyway and I’d like to share with you folk where I’m up to. This is because my very long post back then is still very much how life is now and all you lovely people I regard as my friends. Such support I’ve not experienced before and reading them all this morning really has set my mind to pursue what’s right for me and my son.
So the update…
he threw me out on Saturday (20th I think) and I decided this is the last time. Broken hearted, scared and confused I packed some clothes then took the 4 mile drive to my parents with both of my little dogs. At that point my son was in Birmingham visiting his Dad so that made it a little easier.
(Step 1) Tuesday morning I took myself to Warrington Housing Office knowing I had a fight on my hands but one I intend winning. Because of the bungalow I live(d) in was owned by ‘that selfish pig’ I am not eligible to even join the list to be re-housed as its classed as my equity too unless domestic violence is evident in the marriage… I need to collect evidence of the abuse. Whilst in town having called 7 solicitors and hitting a brick wall my call number eight I finally managed to talk to a solicitor willing to help, but as Legal Aid is non existent unless domestic violence is evident in the marriage I need to collect evidence for both solicitor and housing.
(Step 2) off I go to the police station requesting proof of phone calls and visits police have made, I was given an email to contact regarding all info so that will be done tomorrow.
(Step 3) I then went to my GP requesting copies of my medical records because although the abuse was all verbal it was still discussed at appointments and notes were made on my file, they were printed for me so I have that little bit of evidence.
(Step 4) I came home and called the Walton Centre Liverpool, my neuro team of MS Nurses, consultant, physio etc. All of those people there I have discussed how tough home life is and they made notes on my file there too. I have to forward them a proforma to complete given to me by the solicitor requesting evidence of violence. Maybe I should request a copy of my notes from there too…?
(Step 5) WATCH THIS SPACE!!! He doesn’t know this yet but I intend doing my best to claim every last penny that’s due to me and he might just regret saying such vile things to me. Right now I’m heartbroken at the fact I’ve got to go through all this and we had such an amazing start to our life together but then I stop and think I’m only 45 he’s had ten years of my life he’s not having anymore.
I will be looking out for those words of strength and support from you lovely lot because it really really does make a difference to me and my future. Huge hugs to you all and THANK YOU 
hi mandy
i came across your post late.
you are doing the right thing in moving out.
hopefully you will find a small place to live, thrive and be happy with your son.
45 is a good age, young enough to start again and old enough to have the wisdom to make better choices.
as for him, i will quote my lovely mum in saying “may he get galloping knobrot”.
go for it sister!!
carole x
Take that nasty bullying A hole to the cleaners!
There is a lot of em about!My wife’s ex was a bullying piece of dirt and waste of space,who after i outed him in public after running into him,rang the house telling my wife i had been reported to the police for threatening behaviour(i rang em they knew nothing about it! and i didn’t threaten i simply told him repeatedly and so everyone else could hear what he was!) As he got more drunk and braver there was an answer phone message telling me to be careful etc,laughable as i had lived for 8 years in the house he used to so wasn’t hiding and he could come and have a pop anytime but funnily enough only seemed able to bully and beat women!
When my wife had the first mention of Ms(pre diagnosis)she told me i should go,but the sickness and health pledge i made,i meant,and i know 100% she would look after me if it was reversed! I think she has now accepted it won’t be easy getting rid of me!
We have ups and downs,sometimes i am an idiot for example when she suggested we get a cleaner in for a few hours as i was working then doing housework etc and looking after her a bit,i got a bit sulky for a short while as i felt my best efforts were not good enough and took it as a criticism, but she was right and i soon got over it. We both know that even though we both get pissed off with her disabilities and struggle emotionally with it, we are there for each other.
You are going to be so much better without this dick!
Carole
thank you for that comment your Mums words gave me the giggles. Just what I needed before my hospital visit in a short while (not MS related).
This sister is hitting back… sister x
Hi Mandy, great advice above and can only echo what everyone says / thinks. Just wanted to say good luck and best wishes xx Stay strong, you can do this x
Hi Mandy,
It looks as if you’re finally on the road to independence and freedom. It might seem scary at first but I think you’re tough enough to make the best of it.
You know you’ve got the support, understanding and encouragement from all your friends here. Your new life starts today.
Good luck.
Anthony
Mandy,
I wish you all the best as you start this new chapter of your life. It is sad when things like this happen, but you’re in a much much better place without this absolute dickhead in your life.
Dereh
. Fight for everything and for every penny. No doubt he’ll think you’re a soft touch because of the MS. Give him the surprise of his life by showing him that you don’t need him to survive. What a dickhead. Keep posting on here and let us know how things are progressing. You have plenty of online friends who will give you support and guidance. Derek