I think I'm being selfish sexually ...

So when I was diagnosed I met my bf, now fiance who has MS too. It works because we understand it. However, the difference in gender means there are certain things I’m having trouble understanding. It’s been about 8 months since our sex life started to plummet. I cant actually remember the last time we had sex. I’m 27, he’s 31.

I know sex isn’t ‘important’ but i do feel like without the closeness and bonding that sex provides we are growing apart. He says things between his waist and thighs is all numb. And his sex drive is dead. Even though I get a lot of fatigue and my motivation is dead, I’m still very much sexually active. I can see to myself sexually but that’s not what I’m after. I don’t want to be close and intimate with vibrating rubber!

I know this must be more distressing for him than me but it frustates me that he is too stubborn to even ask for help. He doesn’t have a MS nurse (I have a few…) and he takes nothing for his MS. I supose I’m posting this not just to get it out of my system but in hope of receiving some helpful advice.

Is there anything that can help his numbness? If there something I haven’t thought of that we could both do instead of sex to help ime get the ‘closeness’ I desire? Am I being incredibly childish and selfish? I just didn’t expect sex to stop for me before I reached 50! 70 even! (If I live that long…)

Sorry to complain, but I only get 1 life, I want to do everything I can to make the best of it!

Hi there - there is loads of help for him out there - an MS nurse / GP could refer him to your local Genetiry Urinary Medicine clinic (GUM) and there are different options for problems “down below” he is too young to be giving up on his “main man” I made the call and my wife and I were able to resume activities again - now I’m 46, it can give up on me at times but there is help out there.

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Thanks very much :slight_smile: I knew there must have been some kind of help. Now for my real challenge… defeating the childish stubbornness! (drives me mad sometimes!) But you’ve been really helpful :slight_smile: Thank you loads ^^ What kind of stuff do people at the clinic say…? Or is it different for everyone…?


I am in the same boat as in hubby and I both have MS so we have been here and done that!

Redman is absolutely right - there is loads of help out there. You just need to get him to go and talk to someone - and you can go too for support. Speak to him and explain this doesnt have to be “his” problem and you can deal with it together. It will probably be fun in the end working out what works for you both.

We started with the GP - and didnt need to go any further. But the MS nurses will also be a really good place to start.

Good luck x


See your doc for a referale to see a Urologist, there are plenty of options, it can be a little embarissing.

Remember there is always more than one way to skin a cat you just need to get creative in the bedroom or livingroom which ever you prefer.

Excuse me whats this about 50 I’m 62 in a couple of weeks, theres no age limit.


I think sometimes that we do suffer from the media and pressure that every man is primed and ready for action at all times and its not like that at all - seek help and the GP will offer viagra / levitra or cialis to help things along but I did find urology very good…it’s not uncommon and he doesn’t need to be on his own - we will never get a true reflection of men with ED because many won’t admit it.

I went to my gp on this subject got viagra, works for me and worth the visit to the doc’s!!! solved the issue .