I don’t know what’s going on with me at the moment, I just feel so sad. I really feel like everything is falling apart, I feel that I have nothing going for me and there doesnt really seem much point carrying on.
After a major relapse I had to move out of my flat because I could not physically walk up the stairs. My best friend very kindly offered to rent me the spare room in her house, she was a godsend and without her I would have been homeless. But it meant I left my flat, I had to leave all of my things as I have no room for them in my bedroom. The move just after Christmas co-incided with me having to sell my car after a bad bout of optic neuritis left me feeling that I wasn’t safe to drive anymore. I had to say goodbye to my flat, my car and my independence.
I recently decided to move in with my girlfriend. Due to my dx we have some very strict criteria for the place we want to live, most importantly we want to live within a specific area so that my medical care will not be affected.
We have now looked at every single house within that area and they are either unsuitable or someone pips us to the post when it comes to signing up to them. Now there is nothing left.
Dont even get me started on the council housing lists or council housing benefit. I have been trying since the 1st April and I am still getting nowhere! I have never encountered such rude, unhelpful and uneducated people in my life!
I have been on sick leave since December, I cant see myself being able to go back to work. I am going to let everyone down. I have had such a battle trying to get benefits, my sick pay runs out next week and the battle will start all over again.
My step dad was hospitalised this week with a clot on his lung. My sister is in a violent relationship and there is nothing I can do to help. My mum is having financial worries and I am a strain on her because I have nothing of my own.
I am just so sad. I cant see the reason to fight anymore. Before I was ill things were running along smoothly. I was confident, I was fun, I had a career and I was going places. Now I can barely walk, I cant see properly, I cant hear properly.I dont leave the house so I have nothing to talk about, I dont drink, I cant walk round the shops.
I’m not going to do anything stupid I just cant see the point anymore. I cant find the energy to fight all these battles, it just doesnt seem worth it