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I feel heavy :(

Hello, sorry at the beginning for sounding so glum.

I had my first relapse that really scared me at Christmas and that was the first time I was put on steroids, I’m now waiting to start copaxone etc.

Thing is that since then I have recovered almost completely but I can’t shake this mood. I feel emotionally heavy, I hate to say it but I think I feel sorry for myself. Suddenly I’m more scared and feel quite deflated.

I tried to reach out to my private health care insurance provided with my job to maybe see a counsellor but they have put it as ‘management of a chronic condition’ and they therefore won’t cover me, other counsellors seem quite expensive. Honestly I’m at a bit of a loss… sometimes I feel fine, but I’m the back of my mind there is always this lingering weight.

Hi,

I think you were right in seeking the help of a councillor as your description sounds like depression.

It could be that the scare has left its mark and that you may be living in fear of having another relapse. And who could blame you?

While you recognise the cause of your mood and the effect it has on you, you’re left with the anxiety of a need to defend yourself, yet there’s nothing to there to fight.

Talk to your GP about how you are feeling and see what options are available. Rather that get palmed off with pills, ask about a talking therapy or even a thoughtful exercise like yoga, pilates or tai chi. You could even explore those exercise options yourself without seeing a doctor.

An activity that will make you feel that you are taking back control for your life and that you’re not being tossed around in a turbulent current.

Best wishes,

Anthony

Hi, this sounds like part of the condition to me (and this is my experience, not everyone’s). I have been unwell since 17th December, stupid chest infection has reduced me to a bumbling, angry, grunting less than-Christian person. It pushed me down physically and mentally, even though I didn’t intentionally feel grey, it just pulled me down. I had this once before, which is different to the upset I think most of us get now and then, or sadness. I have found that when unwell from something like flu or infection on top of M.S. it just reduces mood, like there is a black sort of fog around. It seems to intensify all the negative things that we go through. Are you feeling better physically now?

Yesterday at the hospital, I had good advice from my M.S. nurse who is excellent. She knows that if I am moaning or needing an appointment, it is not a light thing. This winter has floored a lot of people she said, they are finding it hard to get back to their normal, physically and mentally. I shall now go back to my GP for the day to day care needed following her appointment.

Here, the GP offers a counselling service. There are also community things going on where you can request a visitor for chat and tea. There are also free counselling sessions in the voluntary sector. The year before last, I paid for five hours of mindfullness counselling from a like-minded person who had actually died several times and come back. I chose him because - he had a nice garden on his website, he was recommended but also he could see me quickly. Personally I don’t like the traditional counselling, I needed something to wake my mind up and stop bad habits but also to re-boot the way I lived, which was needed with M.S. and also get rid of some things from childhood. Coping skills were needed at 55!

Be patient with yourself, if you have been poorly, it will take a while. It is winter. Also see what you can find in the voluntary sector. You don’t have to do anything, but if you look or enquire, it may be there if you chose to take it up. My saving grace at the moment, everything stops in the afternoon for the Sweeney, Professionals and Minder. It makes me giggle, so that will do me for a while.