I’m sorry to post something like this, and anonomously, I just don’t know where else to turn.
I’ve had depression on and off for about 10 years, thankfully more off than on. I’ve got stronger over the years, but started feeling bad last Sept/Oct so took myself off to my brilliant GP. She referred me to a Mental Health practitioner. I started with weekly sessions, then fortnightly, and more recently monthly. It was so painful to start with, digging over old ground, acknowledging the things that happened to make me feel like this but we made good progress, and am now focusing on the present, and the issues I have with myself and my family. There are still a few ‘boxes left to open’ but I’ve been going in the right direction. I was on holiday last week and got a message to say she is off sick, for at least two to four weeks. It really shook me up, I was due to see her today. I didn’t realise just how reliant I have become on that hour where I can stop being the funny/happy/helpful one. I happened to see my GP yesterday, and got the impression from her expression that she thinks she will be off a lot longer than 4 weeks.
She suggested I see someone else, but I don’t think I’ve got the strength to go back over old ground and start again. It’s taken so long to get here, but it scares me that I won’t have that contact for a long time. My life has been such a mess, starting from the beginning seems pointless. It scares me that I’ve become so reliant. Maybe I need to realise I can’t see her for the rest of my life and now is a good oppotunity to break the ties, sink or swim.
Do I start again with someone new, wait until she is back, or just finish it all together?
I’m ususally a happy poster, and want to be known as one, so that is why I’ve gone anon. My GP and nurse are the only people who know I have these sessions, so I couldn’t think of anywhere else to come for advice.