Its been over a year since I came on here. Had a bit of a breakdown (!) since then. The struggles of everyday life (an abusive partner of 14 years, all financial burden on me, and then trying to cope with the onset of MS and it’s impact on daily life tipped me over the edge.)
I have given up my house, reduced contact with my partner to a bare minimum, had six months of counselling, and am now stuck in the awful position of living at my parents house (an abusive house that I swore ‘d never go back to, so needless to say not helping the situation.) On top of living with MS of course.
As a result of the nature of my relationship, I do not have a single person in my life that I can contact. (Contact with people in general reduced to nothing over the years,that’s what happens in such a relationship.)
So here I am. Still no further forward, Major depression and a Social anxiety disorder rule the roost (along with my MS)
So, one might say, given the circumstances, even without MS it’s a full gone conclusion that depression is in order. And I’d have to agree.
However….(!) I can’t help but notice the pattern. I am in the middle of a relapse right now, and my thoughts and feelings in the run up to the relapse have just spun out of control. I can’t help but feel that there is something physical that is holding me in this frame of mind (10 months and counting, despite the counselling and a heap of effort on my part as all I want is to feel better.)
I swing into Major lows of not wanting to live anymore. And I don’t understand it, nothings triggered it, if anything my MS makes me determined to live and enjoy it.
Am I ruled by depression itself? Or can the relapse I’m currently suffering be responsible for these feelings? After all the effort Ive made this year surely there would be some let up? I have made no progress at all. On the flip side of course, giving me life’s history to date, it might all be quite normal.
I’ve just realised….None of you can answer that!! But any comments would be appreciated as I really feel like something physical is governing my feelings now having made major life changes with no progress with the depression at all… And not sure what to do with it anymore. Thanks in advance