I don’t know what to do.

Caring for someone with MS
1

I have been trying to encourage my partner (30M) to access Therapy/ an MS group support, as I know he feels extremely isolated and misunderstood and I think being able to offload or have shared experiences with others could be really beneficial to him.

Obviously I know that therapy/groups won’t heal him or remove his diagnosis, however I do think it could be improve his quality of life in many ways and hopefully help him to feel empowered to adjust some of his current lifestyle choices that aggravate his MS symptoms.

He was Dx 3 years ago with RRMS and was Dx with SPMS at the end of 2024.

He is a heavy smoker and cannabis user. I’m really worried about him. I’ve suggested a vaporiser for his cannabis use, as I know that this can provide relief in many areas and I want him to have that…

I’ve also expressed to him how it hurts me to see him make certain choices, though l’m also aware of the stress and toll that conversations like that have on him… he doesn’t respond well & I can’t say I blame him, with how frustrated he must feel. I feel guilty, as the last thing I want to do is worsen how he must be feeling, so I have been trying not to mention it to him.

I know therapy/ a support group might be something he’s not ready for. I found a MS support group for men, along with 1-1 sessions, facilitated by a man with MS; but since I brought it up around a month ago he hasn’t mentioned it since.

I know everyone is different and therapy isn’t for everyone, but l’d love to hear any experiences; good or bad.

I know he has the right to make his own decisions, but whatever happens I want to be there for him and don’t want to cause him extra stress. I can see how much it hurts his family to see this too. My heart is breaking and I feel so selfish and guilty.

2

Dear @Lumale . First thing to say is gosh/ blimey you are carrying a lot and have my utmost sympathy. I’m not a carer but a person (male) with MS.

I’m not quite sure where to start but have you looked to see if there are any local MS Society groups near you ? ( you can find them through the main MS Society website under support and community).

Absolutely no idea whether your partner is open to such things but you could try showing him websites like Overcoming MS ( better described as living well with MS).

I fully recognise that this might well be a fraught and thankless task but if there is any way of getting him to give up smoking ? that could make a massive positive difference to his future with MS. Smoking is most definitely bad for folk with MS.

Do you think he might be depressed- as in clinically depressed- and would he be open to taking anti depressants?

You ask about therapy. I’m not quite sure what you mean by therapy but e.g my MS Nurse has arranged appointments for me with an MS Physiotherapist and with a Bladder and Bowel Clinic. I’ve also got myself some counselling sessions to help me adjust deal with ‘having MS’. I don’t know where you are but there are various regional MS Support services some of which offer counselling/ therapy. I’m a massive believer in counselling/ therapy and always find a course of sessions extremely useful .

Finally, please don’t think that you are in anyway selfish ! It’s sounds as if you are a long, long way from being selfish and have nothing at all to feel guilty about!