Hurt - why are people so rude?

Hi All. Need to vent! Just been out to see friends. As my oh approached them to say hello, the lady asked him what he had done to me? I was so fat! First thing she said to me? You’ve gone grey! 2nd thing. What’s happened to you.? You have become so fat!!! Reeling with hurt and shock. Just what I needed to make me feel better. Anne X

Hello Anne.

I have found this level of ignorance to be quite common. My usual retort is “Well I have a chronic debilitating condition. What’s your excuse for being fat/stupid/uneducated/rude etc?” Sometimes I will go into great detail about the scientific aspects of the condition and waiting for the confused look as I blind them with my limited knowledge before saying; “It’s like living with a flat battery.”

I could go on but you’re right to vent your feelings. There is a lot of understanding on this forum.

Big hugs ((((((((((((((((())))))))))))))))))) Steve.

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Best answer I ever heard;

I can diet, but you`ll always be rude/ugly/ignorant!

Avoid the woman!


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you said youd been to see friends.`

Some friend huh?


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I know. We went over to offer help. He has just been diagnosed with cancer and secondaries. He is lovely, been so good to us. I knew I would get some answers. Thanks all. I will try and use try answer Steve. If I can remember! Keep warm and cosy all. Anne X

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How unbelievably rude! I don’t think it’s worth trying to remember a clever answer because someone who can be that cruel and hurtful must either be too dense or too thick skinned to understand.

Keep your chin up Anne and be sure to cross her off your Christmas card list…she doesn’t deserve your help.

Nina x

i agree with Poll ‘some friend’ who needs enemies with friends like her, the silly woman.i would have felt like slapping her.

my sons partner isnt very nice about disbility, she looks down her nose at me,theres a lot of them about,best ignored people like that.


J x

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Hi Anne. She is arrogant, ignorant and rude. She doesn’t deserve your friendship or help. I think Steve had the best response. You’re not the only one who’s picked up weight with ms either so don’t let it get you down, we’re bound to do so when we can’t be as active.

If she says anything else just tell her she’s being very rude and hurtful and that it’s unnecessary. Some people don’t deserve friends and she’s one of them!

Cath x

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Hi Anne

Unfortunately there are some very ignorant, arrogant and down right rude people about, who need to remember ‘what goes around…comes around’.

Please don’t let her upset you (easier said than done, I know) hold your head high and be the bigger person, that will probably get to her more…

((((Hugs)))) to let you know we understand.

Pam xx

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Terrible terrible woman!!! Who on earth would say stuff like that? I can only assume that being her partner has cancer she is freaking out! Not that that’s an excuse but I can’t think why anyone would be so rude!!!

She’s no friend Anne. Dump the bi£ch.

Pat xx

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Some people are just bad mannered, try not to let her get to you she simply isn’t worth the anguish. I have a “friend” who often makes comments about my hair, I so wish I could say something back but I just can’t be rude or hurtful towards her. You know what that makes me better than her. You can rise above it but her ignorance is with her for life.

Jan x


Anne I always go the extra mile to humiliate people who cross me and I am the one who will cross the road or head off at the supermarket queue those who are trying to avoid me and believe me their are many. In biblical terms it is known as heaping burning coals upon then, I just love to see them squirm. I would perfectly rationally revisit and tell her how hurtful her comments were and you had felt HUMILIATED and really go over the top on the HUMILIATION explain how belittle d you where and then ask for more tea in a clean cup because the last cup was as filthy as you had made her feel.


Ps buy here a cheap gift to give something tacky and say I saw this and immediately thought how perfect it was for her.

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Hi Anne, People never cease to surprise me. Its so difficult iv’e been hurt by " do gooder" comments usually from friends or even extended family members since becoming ill, and i have to say it really hurts its usually about how i look…bedraggled or comments like " what medication are you on…your face has really ballooned out " or comments about Molly (autistic daughter) One friend gave me a running description of how dreadful Molly looked…and suggested perhaps i should take her shopping! i do wonder if they now feel that i’m mentally disabled too and perhaps feel as if they are doing me a favour …tough love or whatever …Iv’e kicked back hard…gone home and cried, but for the friends that i value obviously my mum i love her so much, ( she often puts her foot in it ) i tell her shes hurt me and forgive her, but others… if they are such good friends its better to tell them or move on,Toxic friends the ones that make you sad and pull you down move on and leave these ones behind. They always say that your circle of friends change when you have a life changing disability…I know mine have but the friendships that have survived are even more special and the new friends i have made are amazing.

Michelle x

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Hello Anne,

At best, it’s socially unacceptable to say things like that. I would see such comments as a reflection of what’s going on in these people’s lives, of outlooks to be scorned - and just ignored. A good saying, I find, is “Pay no attention.” If we have to deal with and process all the stupidity and unpleasantness we come across in life, there would be no time left for the good stuff! ;o)