Hurt and offended

Good afternoon all. Last month marked 16 years since my PPMS diagnosis. I’m lucky, I feel well, people tell me I look well, and I’m not in pain. I can’t live independently now, but do as much as I can when I can. I long ago came to terms with the fact of so called friends abandoning us, probably because they were afraid of being asked to help. Something I’m finding more difficult is a couple of former colleagues who claim to be my friends, maybe I’m being over sensitive.
They’ve often said we’ll meet up for lunch (I know with Covid we couldn’t) but it never happens, even though when it’s been mentioned (usually via social media) I’ve said I’d love to. I tutored them both at work, I taught them everything I knew, oh they say all the right things like, if you need anything, just ask. Anyway apart from the lunches which haven’t happened, they’ve both changed jobs, the first leaving do was in a venue where the function room was upstairs, no lift, I was invited but I had to decline. The second was in a suitable venue, but I was told, I didn’t invite you, because I knew you wouldn’t come, and she applied the same logic to her birthday party, despite telling me after the event she’d have loved for me to be there! The thing is I do still like to be invited, I won’t always be able to attend, but I’d like to make that choice myself, rather than be routinely excluded, perhaps they think they’re sparing me embarrassment.

However I’m grateful for those friends who do still include me, who offer help without me having to ask, so I probably shouldn’t feel so hurt and offended by these two.

Thoughts anyone?

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so long as you are aware of the friends you can rely on

dont waste time and energy getting upset on fair weather “friends”

just keep then as associates rather then friends

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I’d say focus more on the true friends who are there for you, rather than the fair weather friends!

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Hi Flowerpot (love the name)
I’ve been in the same situation, it makes me so angry. It’s like they don’t know how to handle it so they don’t bother.
Mine was an ex-boss, stopped inviting me to work do’s. It hurts but I got over it by cutting them out of my life.
Life and happiness are more important little minded people aren’t worth your time.
Best wishes
Sam

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Thank you. Flowerpot was my late brother in laws nickname for me. I found it easier to come to terms with those who dropped me completely, than these who seem to blow hot and cold, promising much, but disappointing often. Well, no more. I want and need nothing from them.

Thanks. Good advice. I’m done with them, not falling out, but neither want or need anything from them.

Thank you. I will :slightly_smiling_face:

Friends are so difficult to find and if you are compatible with someone go for it. sometimes life just gets busy for them. Contact them saying havent seen you for a while lets catch up. Arrange the place that suits you send 3 possible dates for them to consider and go and have a lovely lunch with them. Make sure you leave first sateting you have you an amazing event to get ready for. If they cant then you will know. X

That’s a good idea. I’ll give it some thought, but at the moment I’m feeling more inclined to let them go, but I’ll definitely think about it. Thanks xx

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I’m sure you’ll soon have a circle of good new friends.
Who cares for former colleagues & empty promises?
I agree with Happy’s post to invite them to something you can organise with 2 or 3 options of dates & venue. Good luck Flowerpot x

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Thanks for all the replies and thoughts. I don’t want to appear desperate or needy and I don’t want things to happen out of guilt or pity, so I’m done with them. They can get on with their own happy, fulfilled and busy lives, and I’ll get on with mine, concentrating on those friends who do truly care.

Good for you FP, you’re decision will release you and your thoughts so you can concentrate on people who are worth your friendship,
Chrissie x

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You are spot on. It’s been very liberating making that decision, I’ve found I really don’t care at all. I wasted too much time on it, and feel very content and happy :smiley:

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