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Is it okay to say your sore?

Evening all,

I hope everyone is doing okay this evening? It’s all been a bit quiet recently, I’ve been having a bit of a trying time. I’ve started getting neuropathy pain in my left arm, which is my weak side, my left leg is getting weaker too.

I also suffer from pelvic adhesions which has left me with chronic pelvic pain, which has also been getting on one of my last nerves! Lol!

my question is, is it okay to admit to loved ones and people who ask that your sorer than you were? If so how?

I haven’t even been to the doctor because I don’t know if I can or should or how?

My poor husband just thinks I’m being down, and the truth is it is getting me down, by this time of night my whole body is hurting. I’m on 300mg Pregabalin and dihydracodeine and duloxetine for pain. I just feel so annoyed at myself. So let down by my body.

do I just get on with it or say something? I hope I don’t sound like I’m complaining? You all are putting up with so much I’m sorry.

Polly. Xxx

Polly its OK to let people know shout it from the roof tops even if you dont tell they dont know. I am the worlds worse I alwayys reply "I am Ok " but when I say I feel sh1te people know I am not good.

Tell them

Don

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Thanks Don, I guess I have the same affliction of saying “I’m okay” when I’m asked, it’s difficult to say " well I’m sore I feel awful" I don’t want people to feel bad.

Thank you Don, I’ll try to be honest

Polly xxxx

Hi Polly

I agree with the Don, unless you tell them, they won’t know ((((hugs))))

Wish I could follow my advice as well, so I understand how difficult it can be.

Pam x

I think I can imagine how you’re feeling as I tried the other day to say "well actually, recently I’m finding that… " rather than

“I’m fine” and it was hard enough, to even just add a little niggle, let alone saying “right now it’s really difficult because I’m in pain”. I think it just got talked round anyway as I wasn’t in the mood to discuss it once I’d opened my mouth!

I think I sort of feel a bit terrified of frightening people off . However, I’m starting to be able to splurge a little bit but pull back before I start crying… I think that’s maybe enough for now as people are starting to see it’s not all plain sailing. I don’t think there’s any easy answer

Sonia x

It’s a tough one. No simple answer. I think most of the time I say I’m fine to most people… good friends and family I’m more honest with, but not all the time. Don’t want to sound like I’m moaning but it’s true if you don’t tell them how are they to know?

‘Not too bad thanks’… is a good one.

I had a neighbour, now departed, who always complained about how bad she felt and how much pain she was in. After a while people stopped listening and got irritated. Must admit she irritated me sometimes. You couldn’t ask her how she was without getting a long list of complaints… and she didn’t ever care how anyone else was.

I suppose it made me aware that it’s best to keep it down to a minimum… even with loved ones.

So when I do tell someone how I’m actually feeling (generally shite) I keep it short and move on.

That’s where this forum is so helpful. You can actually say how you feel and people understand.

Good post Polly.

Pat xx

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Hello Polly,

It’s so hard if you’ve spent most of your life not complaining and being tough to get through all of life’s difficulties.

Yet despite our condition we find it hard to admit weakness. I’m fairly open with my wife who understands me the most and gives me the best support. But because of circumstances I am rarely with my old friends with whom I can be just as open. Despite the best of intentions, my in-laws drive me quite mad-it’s the constant staring “just in case” mentality. Things have been really testing over the last few weeks but any sign of further weakness will make things worse. Sigh! We just keep going and loving the things and people that really matter.

Best wishes, Steve. x

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Hi Polly

With my husband I am quite open about how I am feeling. My husband always says that he knows when I am really bad because I am so quiet. He always says that when I have the energy to complain there is not much the do with me.

When we go to see my mother in law I never say how I am feeling as she just can’t cope with illness. I have to be careful and not stumble in her house because she always looks so anxious. That is no mean feat as she lives in a one bedroom bungalow packed with furniture. I just go in and sit down and not move. Lol!!

Mags xx

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I agree - it is difficult. “Alright?”, “How are things?”, “How are you doing?” etc are all part of the insincerity of modern greetings (just like “have a nice day”). People don’t really want to know - they are much more concerned with their own ills and are prone to turn off if you tell them the truth. You could try “So so” or “Plodding along”. Whatever you reply, a good rule of thumb is “that those who matter don’t mind, and those that mind don’t matter”.

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It’s kind of like PMS for me (…as a bloke!). There tends to be 3-5 day slot every month where I allow myself to be a miserablist with those close to me who know and understand. And it’s expected now.

I usually try and stay upbeat. But if someone I find annoying keeps pestering, I’ve decided to give them chapter and verse about my bowel and bladder shenanigans, with the odd anecdote about the bedroom situation; soon shuts them up, and they then avoid me.

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Thank you everyone for all your replies!

its not the easiest part of all this for all of us, I do like CP’s idea of getting rid of those you don’t like by putting them off.

But I do take on board everyone’s replies, thank you

Polly xxx

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