Hope the day is being goo to you all?
I don’t usually open up about myself and how I feel. So I am going to be a big girl and explain to you how I am feeling and see if anyone else does or has felt like that.
I suddenly realised a short while ago that I feel my body is ugly now. My legs especially. I used to wear shorter skirts because people told me they liked my legs (sorry not bragging just trying to explain the situation. To me they are just my legs!) Now I wear trousers all the time, because they are ugly. They are the part that is easily to see I have a problem with, bad walking and using a stick. I also realised that when I go anywhere I feel that people see the MS before they see me. They don’t see me anymore as a person. Only when I am with family and close friends I have had pre MS do I feel myself. I truly feel alive then. Then the old girl re-appears, full of laughter, joking and taking the mickey out of herself. (interesting how I have suddenly gone into the third person eh??) I miss her so much (got tears in my eyes as I write this). My partner and I have completely changed personalities. He used to be the quieter one where I always used to be the out front. I used to be on the stage (in amateur dramatics all my life, pantos etc). He would be quiet. Now it is me the quiet one whilst he is out front. He helps me when I can’t remember words etc. But I usually just sit there listening. What happened to me? I can cry now at the stupidest thing where before I was always the strong one.
I could go on and on but I won’t. If anyone has been able to recover from this feeling I would dearly like some help. I want to get back to me. I lost nearly 2 stone last year but sxince changing medication and eating more I have put a stone back on. Feeling utterly defeated and ugly.
Sending kisses to you all out there.