Hello everyone, iv’e not been on for ages and iv’e really missed you all, iv’e just caught up on a few messages. I was starting to feel all alone with this illness so its good to catch up.
Things have been great but manic here, I feel as if i’m constantly trying to support everyone. Rochelle the Babies and my children…I think i’m trying to prove that i’m normal and can do everything a healthy person could…obviously not, i hit a wall of depression last week and had a few crying days, I’m okay again now and last week when i saw my gp she was amazed at how well i was doing…I’d avoided seeing her for months after a bad day when she’d told me that if i was more positive i would get better. …but although i didn’t sprint around her surgery she could see that on a positive note i was in a much better place, and also she was completely bowled over by Frazer. …but who wouldn’t be? hes the most gorgeous dog in the world and what a privilege it is to be his mum…I think thats why iv’e come so far and i really belive that i wouldn’t be doing half as well without him.
Today i’m off to see my mother in law in Bolton, iv’e booked travel assistance on the train, Frazer and I are so excited!
Once again, I’m well impressed by your energy and fortitude. It’s only natural that there are some dark moments. Do you keep a diary? You could look back and amaze yourself. And now you’re off to Bolton. I assume that’s two trains and a taxi. You’re a true MS Adventurer.
I think we all have these down days, even down weeks, when it hits us that although the heart is willing, the body says NO WAY, and I find it’s a bit like hitting a brick wall, coming to a sudden stop.
Don’t beat yourself u when it happens, remind yourself of all the things you do, and that you are a remarkable woman, doing loads whilst coping with a c****y illness.
Enjoy your visit to Bolton, and Alfie says woof to Fraser.
Michelle it’s good to hear you’re feeling a bit better and taking yourself out again. As the others have said it’s not unusual to have those down times. MS isn’t the nicest diagnosis, not only is it physically limiting but knowing it’s progressive and permanent is very difficult to cope with and sometimes when you’re a bit tired those feelings are amplified. I have times when I just want to put my fingers in my ears and have a screaming tantrum that would make most toddlers proud as it all gets beyond my capability.
As you know there’s always someone here who understands how hard it is living with this stupid illness and their support and friendship can be very reassuring. You strike me as being positive and strong but just remember that you don’t have to manage on your own, you have many friends here.
Hey Michelle it’s ok to feel wobbly you have a lot on your plate. I haven’t been out much since New year day and I don’t know how you cope. Say hi to the twins and every one else here’s a wave from Margate and a big marrow bone for your Frazer.
Thanks Steve, i used to keep a diary, but don’t tend to write in it as often now, usually its only dates for hospital appointments and parents evening and some to do lists. Last year i wrote a lot in my diary,i had so many goals that i wanted to achieve. It was nice looking back on it and did help me see how much i’d progressed but the progress was more in attitude and state of mind. I think at the start of 2015 I was in a very low place, i’d only become a member of the forum at the end of Dec 14. Iv’e come a long way since then. Me and Frazer have been partners since Nov 28th 2014 , but i was still finding my way.
I’m still not officially diagnosed MS although i have my own personal feelings about that… but I love to be thought of as an Adventurer, and having Frazer and my Wishing chair has enabled me to have many adventures.
Brilliant, Michelle, once again I’m in awe of your adventurousness! (And Frazer’s, of course).
My sister came to see us on Saturday for about four hours. I was so energised by her visit that I paid for it yesterday with a day in bed. Bus or train journeys? Couldn’t even contemplate it!
Thanks for your message Kev, I think its the emotional output when we see friends and relatives that causes the exhaustion. I know it does with me, Its funny when iv’e been out with friends i feel so exhausted mentally and emotionally and even though iv’e just been sat in my chair i feel like iv’e run miles my legs ache. I think my Cognitive skills are getting worse and making conversation is very tiring even when its a best friend. At the moment i’m trying to do everything that i can, i get scared that one day i might not be able to do much, so I kind of feel that i want to embrace every chance i get.