Heartbroken

Everyday living
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Well. Considering what a few of you lovely lot are going through, my pain is a tad insignificant. To me though, it is a pain I can not put into words. It’s a pain that is controlling my whole being & is making Mrs MS extremely evil right now. I am trying so hard not to be a miserable cow but my constant crying (I’ve had to buy waterproof mascara, that bad) is becoming a bit pathetic. I’m sorry if I am coming over melodramatic, but there’s only 1 place that I can behave this way, with no one judging me or walking on emu eggs.

Right then, I should explain what’s what. My son, has decided to go travelling, 12 months initially but with a view to settle, in Australia. He will (probably) spend his 30th birthday on a beach in Perth. Thousands of miles away from us all & I’m devastated. He is flying on Mothers day (this weekend), doesn’t get better does it? We are & always have been a very, very close family & this reality is making me sick. I want him to have a life, never have regrets about never doing things, but hiding it is hard. I want him to go with a good heart, but it’s broken. I will never hold either of my kids to ransom, never admit how much it is hurting, but you are the only 1s I can be this open with. I apologise if I’m coming over a silly mare, I just needed to explode, at least letting him go Sunday I know that my mates are in the know so to speak. I don’t need a facade on here, I can just say it. I know it’s only Weds, but the hours are going by far to quickly. I will become adjusted to the situation, eventually, but for now I am sad. Sorry if I am demeaning anyone, it’s not intentional, I just feel bereft & empty. It’s not MS, but it is cos without you lot I wouldn’t feel a little better just being able to tell you all how it is. Thank you xx

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Aw Trace, that’s miserable. It’s a good thing for him. But dreadful for you. I can only empathise, never having been a parent, I’ve never had to let go of a child. And Australia is so b*stard far away.

You at least don’t need to worry about waterproof mascara on here. We’ll all be crying with you. I can’t help it, I care about all of you lot. And what hurts you, I feel.

At least we do live in a world that’s shrunk, technologically anyway, you won’t have him physically for a year, but he’ll still be with you emotionally and via t’internet.

But don’t think of it like he’s definitely relocating for good, he might just spend the year travelling and then decide to come home. His timing could be better, going on Mother’s Day isn’t ideal, but then going any day isn’t going to feel any better.

Rely on us to be with you in spirit as you are forced to be brave. Yes, you’ll cry, so will Mr DC I should think, even if he’s outwardly braver. So will young Mr DC, after all, you will be missing your son, but he will be missing his Mum. Just as bad, sometimes even worse.

Oh there’s nothing else that can be said. Poor, poor you. Don’t let your heart be smashed to bits. He’ll be back. Young fit people travel the world like they’re catching a bus.

Sue xx

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Tracey,

if being a caring mum is synonymous with silly mare, then so be it . It takes a special “mare” to let him flourish and wish him a massive success in his Australian adventure.

Big hugs all round

mick

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Oh God, thank you I need that mascara now bear with me I will get worse xxxx

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hi tracey

be proud that your son is off for a big adventure.

he must get that from you.

my eldest took off for australia and by the time he came home i’d been diagnosed.

then it was him hugging and kissing me as if i was dying.

he was never one for putting photos on facebook but his mate, brad, put loads of them on bondi beach for new years eve.

that helped somewhat.

if he gets to an internet cafe you can skype.

meanwhile, for mother’s day, i’m up for adoption so i’ll pour the gin for you mum.

and i’ll make with the eye makeup remover pads too,

carole x

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you will miss him but try to remember that he’s got a fantastic life, believe me you would feel much more pain if he was ill.both my grown-up kids are ill.one of them too ill to work and shes only 25 and has a disabled child too, neither of them have a good life and the pain i feel with that is unbearable at times,i am very bad with my MS so all 4 of us dont have a life, we just exsist going from one bad day to another, when i was diagnosed i thanked god my kids were ok,but now they aren’t and i feel so envious of others that have good lives,not bitter but envious,so take joy in knowing that your son has a good life as much as you will miss him.

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so very sorry to hear such pain and grief with you and your family.

M

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Tracey - no sympathy - my child is at home struggling with m.s. - would be overjoyed if he was independent and off to Australia!

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krakowian,

I think I can understand what you mean, but I am not sure how useful it is to compare lives and circumstances. Everyone has their own crap to deal with and I feel that I can be sympathetic to someone else’s issues even if it bares no resemblance to my life.

No offence taken or intended.

Mick

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As usual Krak, you have managed to lower the tone. I am well aware of other peoples struggles, however this particular upset is mine & mine alone. If you had read my comment properly, you would have noticed I had actually mentioned that I feel guilty for being so upset considering what everyone else is going through. Thank God for Sue, Mick & Carole, who are my friends & have sent their support & love. Everyone has their own unique troubles, everyone, but don’t you dare make me feel guilty about my son & how this is making me feel. The other side of the story you don’t know, is that my brother in law did exactly the same, he’s been missing for 21 years & we still don’t have answers or know where he is, so my fear is founded. So if you have nothing nice or constructive to say, say nothing at all. Mick, your a star.

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xx

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I’m definitely available for adoption too. I think I’d fit quite nicely into the DC household. I’ve never met a ferret, but I’m sure I’d love Fez (so long as he ‘loves’ his unicorn at a distance!)

Sue xx

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You certainly would Sue & I would willingly adopt you. Life is never dull, eventful, but never dull. Fez has no decorum unfortunately, best to look the other way xx

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Hi Tracey.

After I’d read your words I saw Mick’s words and they echoed what I’d been thinking. I wasn’t thinking of melodrama, I was moved by how you’ve expressed of the pain so clearly feel. It’s hard to be a good mother but even harder to let your chicks go.

The bond between a mother and her son is unique. I should know, I’m the son of a Welshwoman (born in Machynlleth). Here is her poem called Motherhood.

The greatest God-given gift is Motherhood

Conceived from love in utero enclosed.

Nurtured, nourished, cherished, matured and held

In close communication, so involved.

The preparation, planning, pain and birth

Produces such a richness of reward.

From months, days hours of patient waiting

Arrives at last, the fresh fruit of one’s labour.

Anxiously inspected to confirm that

All is perfect in the tiny form.

Then craft and skill, still yet to be developed

To ensure survival of the prize.

Each day brings new delights and thrills to watch

This little child grow as the milestones pass.

The frightful fear, foreboding panic reigns,

In case this bouncing baby comes to harm.

As years roll on, the tears and smiles ensue;

The disappointments, pleasures, intertwine

When striving hard to help him overcome

The problems life present for him to solve.

Eventually the Mother’s role is spent.

Then one becomes the confidante and friend,

To share his joys and sorrows, jokes and jibes

With deeper understanding of the man.

What great delight it is to be a mother!

The stress and strain, the laughter, love and joy.

To have experience such as this, in life,

Is quite beyond compare to any other.

Copy it out and slip it into the bottom of your boy’s packing to find when he gets to HIS destination.

With this son’s love,

Anthony XXX

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Oh Mr D, what a lovely, lovely man you are xx

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Cariad, That is the first and last time anyone called me “fresh fruit” I promised you. Anthony X

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What a sweetie. Anyone would think he cared!

I have changed my profile picture as a measure of support for the DC family. (And in hope that I win the lottery as a replacement DC!)

Sue xx

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AD you are a lovely kind despot!

SSSue - it’s going to be a very big family if both of us are adopted by the DCs.

tracey can cope because she has gin.

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I absolutely love you lot, absolutely. I knew you would make me feel better about it all, & you really, really have. Thank youxx

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Tracey, sorry I didn’t see this earlier. I’ve read each post and warmed by most people’s response. A.D 's mother’s poetry is marvellous and what a great idea if you copy it to pop into your sons travel case.

I thought of a biblical tale that describes true unconditional love (for that is what you hold for your son). Please forgive and correct any inaccuracies; Two women were claiming a baby boy was their own child. King Soloman declared the 2 women should each hold the baby boy between them as in a tug o war to pull the child to see who ‘won’ . The first woman said “let this other woman have the child, I cannot bear injury to this infant” . The wisdom of King Soloman was clear, and he declared the first woman the true parent. He could saw the second woman was prepared to pull and harm the child, whilst a true mother would rather give the child away than harm her son.

Well Tracey, apart from Solomon’s Wisdom, your own true love for your son is allowing him to go on his adventures, to see the world, experience more than this Country offers and your tears released away from your son. Tracey, it’s clear to me that you’ve raised a good son who will become independent and learn life. He’ll make many memories and will come back to you, either permanent or several visits.

Your heartbreak is completely understandable, more tears are inevitable, Skype will be invaluable.

Chrissie xx

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