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A mothers guilt

I am sat here in tears this afternoon as it is my little boys sports day. I am unwell at the moment and not strong enough to go by myself. I have no-one to take me and help me so yet again i am letting him down. I hate myself so much at the moment. The guilt i feel is overwhelming. I am sure i am not the only mum who feels like this. Sorry for the moan. Teresa.x

Oh Teresa, I am so sorry for you.

But surely, out of all the other mums in your son`s school, there MUST be someone who could take you.

Is it too late to ask?

if it had been me, I wouldve spoken to the head or your sons teacher and explain how you need help to see your son and his friends in action.

I dont think it is asking too much.

Go on, get on the phone…quick!

pollx

oh teresa

that’s awful. is there none of the other mums who could help you out?

you can still make a fuss of him when he comes home, have a celebration tea or something

you’re definitely not the only mum struggling with ms and then with guilt about the ms.

take care and plaster that big smile on

carole x

Still sobbing - sorry! Too late now - its half way through by now. Other mothers seem to want things in return these days and as you all know can be difficult when you are having a bad spell. I look fine as my ms is mild but i feel terrible at the moment. Feeling very sorry for myself today - appologies! Teresa.x

Hi Teresa, I haven’t been on here so much lately, just been busy with various things but when I saw this post, I just had to reply. First, I hope you feel better soon and second I don’t think you are letting your little boy down. I know how you feel because I often feel the same, but not that I feel ill as such, more because of my very poor walking. I also struggle to go to things like sports days, it’s awkward with the location of sports and going in the wheelchair. But I am lucky because my mum is happy to go along in my place, at least it let’s my children have someone there supporting them so it makes me feel less guilty. Even if I do go to things I have to take someone with me so my husband has to take a day or half day off work to help me go along. Teresa, you are not the only mum who feels like this, I feel the same, and of course, I always feel so self conscious being in the wheelchair because none of the other mums ever are. YOu are not letting your son down, if it’s any consolation (which I’m sure its not) you won’t be the only parent not there. I don’t think I’m making a good job of conveying what I want to say to you either but I want you to know that no you are not the only one. Cheryl:-)

Thankyou all. I have no problem with walking but my balance is terrible today and the sports track is down the bottom of a field and i know i am not stable enough to walk down there by myself without support today. It was a choice to be either the mum not there or the mum falling in a pile of mud on the way down. I dont know which is worse. Dont want to embarass my little boy either. On the plus side - my 14yr old daughter has an inset day today so she has gone with a mate. This however does not make me feel any better. I feel like i’m a really bad mum. Teresa.x

Teresa, sending you a big (((hugs))) I have two little ones and spend nearly all my time feeling guilty about things. It’s even harder to cope with when your not on top form.

I couldn’t make my eldest play at christmas and felt so awful about it for weeks, but he had lots of fun telling me everything that happened and even did a re-enactment for me at home. Maybe if you have a garden or at the park when your better he could show you some of his sports day moves?

I’m not sure how litlle your little one is - or how much he understands about your ms, but as long as you let him know you love him and spend whatever time you can together- he couldn’t ask for more. Laura x

ps) just seen your last post, please believe me when i say you are NOT a bad mum. If you were you wouldn’t care at all. x

Thankyou Laura. Thats my problem - im beating myself up about something i can do nothing about. Thats the only thing i do care about really - my kids are everything! Thanks for all the support - really needed it today. xxx

Okay, I`m sorry it was too late to do anything about it today.

BUT if there are any other events, please try to get someone organised to take you.

If necessary, borrow,beg or steal a wheelchair, just for the occassions.

Dont be afraid/embarrassed to be seen in one.

My wheelie is my legs…without it, Id go nowhere and see no-one. It has opened up what wouldve been a very lonely and sad existance.

So when that little champion of yours gets home from school, make a huge fuss and do a special tea............hope its not too late to get some goodies in.

luv Pollx

Hi Teresa

You are not a bad mum. There are always plenty of mums who don’t show up because work is more important or just because they can’t be bothered, or because they are drunk (sad, but true). The fact that you are sat at home sobbing proves what a loving mum you are.

Please don’t blame yourself for the things this illness takes away from us. However, you have had some very good advice about asking for help in the future. I’m terrible at asking for help because I love to be independent but it’s surprising how helpful folks can be when they realise how much it means to us. We just have to learn to ASK.

<<<< hugs >>>>>

Tracey xx

Thanks Poll - there are always plenty of goodies in my cupboards! lol!..but hubby has promised a mcdonalds on his way home from work…with a mcflurry! Tracey - you are so right - i am really bad at asking for help. I find it so difficult to ask. Teresa,x

Oh Treek, I know how you feel. I haven’t been able to go for about three years as the children move around from activity to activity and there is nowhere to sit. I 'd have to borrow a w/chair or buy one - not ready for that yet). Luckily, one of M’s brothers has been able to go each year and he i’s quite happy, so long as he has a family member there! It cannot be helped at all but I know how you feel. Don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault! L will be fine about it! Tree xx

Thanks Tree. Having a really bad day today. Once the tears started they wouldn’t stop. xxx

hi teresa

do pluck up the nerve to ask the head teacher if she can suggest a means of getting a lift.

when i worked in school, our lovely head would send letters out asking parents if they could help.

you’ll find that quite a few will offer once it has been asked.

don’t feel embarassed about the fact that you have this awful disease.

feel proud of all that you DO manage to do

carole x

I know exactly how you feel about letting your child down. My littlest is 9 now and said he didn’t mind me not going to sports day this year but I think he would have preferred me to be there. I used to go when he was littler. I did want to reiterate what other people have said about asking the school to put you in touch with other parents who could give you a hand next time. My experience is that people actually like to help someone who is struggling. It makes them feel good about themselves. I know that sounds awful in some ways but I think it makes it easier to accept a favour that you can’t return when you think that the person doing the favour is still getting something out of it. I have had lots of good experiences at my children’s school, with other parents really doing a lot for me.

Thanks to everyone who supported me yesterday. I had a bit of a meltdown and you all helped me so much. I am very grateful. My son was fine and didn’t mention it at all when he got home and tucked into burger/fries and ice-cream. The guilt feelings are something i find very hard to deal with. Best wishes. Teresa.x

Hi teresa, sorry just coming into this, I soooooo know how you feel, as other mums with MS on this forum have said. I have a wee boy who’s 7 and we are each others world and i beat myself up all the time about not being as much to him / for him as I want or used to be. Cry when you need to, tell him you love him a zillion times a day and cuddle him as much as you possibly can…that’s what I do!!! Hugs Jools X