Grief and Guilt

Hi all.

I don’t really know what I’m looking for from this post but just hoping someone will hear me out.

I (26) lost my mum 6 months ago to MS and other complications. I’m so so lost without her and it’s left a huge void.

I’m really struggling with heavy feelings of guilt. I miss her more than I’d ever imagine but there’s a small sense of relief she isn’t in pain and suffering anymore.

I worked full time and would check in and help with mum on my lunch breaks, after work and weekends. We had carers and nurses in to help who were lovely. I also did the housework, shopping, finances etc. I’d always considered myself as a carer for mum and would do it all over again just to have her back.

Someone asked earlier why I moved out (I lived 10 minutes away so was never too far) and now I feel so guilty for doing that. I feel like I’ve failed her as a daughter.

Hi Rosie, so sorry to hear that you lost your mum and so recently. There are so few words that can really cover the loss of someone so dear.

If you were there for mum every minute of the day, I’m sure you would still be feeling that you didn’t do enough. That is grief talking.

Taking comfort from the relief that someone is no longer suffering is not something to feel guilty about just an acknowledgment that mum is no longer in pain.

From what I have read in your post, you did everything you could. You are your mum’s daughter and can live going forward not just for yourself but in memory of her.

Take care xx

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Hi Rosie
You sound like a wonderful daughter and you did a lot for your mum. You have nothing to feel guilty about and in time you will realise this.
Try to focus on happy times.

Oh Rosie…my heart goes out to you.I lost both my mum and dad 21 years ago. there’s no pain like it!

You are very young to lose your dear mum…but…you were a lovely, caring daughter. You did all you could. Your mum was well looked after.

Please stop feeling guilty…your mum was so proud of you. She doesnt want you to have these feelings.

Trust in Jesus…he has your mum safely with him.

Bless you

Trust me – Your mother appreciated everything you did for her, and she did NOT want you putting your entire life on hold for her. I know that my kids are there for me, but I want them to be able to live their own lives, just like I did.

I have relatives who complain that my kids don’t do enough for me, but there’s a big difference between needing help and just wanting to see them more often. You did a LOT for your mother, compounded by a full-time job. There is no reason to feel guilty about anything, including having your own place.

You are still grieving, and unfortunately 6 months isn’t that long a time to work through it. Part of you will never get over it entirely, but I can guarantee that your mother would want nothing more than for you to go on with your life and find happiness. You are entitled to that.

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You sound an amazing person. Your Mum may have been proud of you moving away, it showed you were independent and it would have helped her think that ‘you were going to be ok without her’ which would have given her some peace.

Now take care of yourself as much as you took care of her