Hi, hope you all as well as possible. I just need someone to talk too. I have just had enough of my life. Wish it was over sometimes. I have no future and no prospects. Nothing changes for the better, despite me trying my best to makes things better. All I do is cry lately. Just want a job and a normal life. Hate being judged and not being able to feel good about myself. I desperately want to make something of my life, but I don’t seem to be able to. Am just a fat, useless lump. Sorry just need to get it out xxx
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Have you told this to your doctor? Could it be medication you’re on that might be making you feel like this? You might benefit from some counseling. U think your gp is the first place to start. Don’t be fobbed off in a rushed appointment either. Book a double one to give you the time to express yourself.
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Already on anti depressents, been on them for years. They don’t help. What would help is if I could get a job and a normal life, but that doesn’t look like it will happen anytime soon xxx
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Maybe it’s time to ask for a review if your meds.
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I am so sorry to read this.
Sometimes you have to just deal with the pack you are dealt with. I left a great job teaching, i thought my life was over and i felt so useless. Always having to rely on someone to take me anywhere, then i woke up one morning, and thought well girl you have to either accept this, or give in, and I decided to review all the wonderful positive things in my life, and I realised there were so many of them, I wasnt about to leave just yet.
So the way i deal with it, i stopped fighting basically and just worked with what i have. Its amazing actually how busy I am all the time. I find lots of things to do, not physically, but of interest.
I do belong to several forums too, and i find talking to others in the same position helps them too and I meet friends now at our local MS society even though i havent a confirmed diagnosis my neuro recommended I join and we have a laugh each week.
I have chickens yes just a few small ones, who i care for, i have my dog and a mobility scooter and we go out for long walks, i love my husband more and give him less earache lol too, since i have just accepted it all.
I suppose when i look around me, I see other people in my life i have lost sadly to sudden illnesses and cancer, and iit makes me realise there are no guarantees in this life, we just have to live it day by day.
I look forward now to the morning, when the sun comes up, and I can be with family and friends another day, even if it is with restrictions and pain.
There is a good life there you just have to look beyond your pain to find it. Bless you hun, it will get better. xxxxx
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Hi, I was feeling similar to you some time ago.
I got referred to have high impact Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and this has been very useful. It has given me strategies to help me cope with my feelings and is proactive in it’s approach. It has helped me with my confidence and being more assertive. did have low impact CBT a few years ago and that was not as helpful, I didn’t connect with the therapist as much. My neuro suggested I try CBT a second time.
Have you tried some thing like this before?
I have tried several different anti depressents and the only one that helped, made me put on weight, and seen as I am already really fat, I had to come off it. And I can’t ask for the dose to be put up, cos I am on citalopram 40mg and that is the highest dose you can have xxx
Hi, when we are saddled with something as big as a serious illness, the worst thing we can do for ourselves, is to wish it away. This monster just isn’t going anywhere hun.
Please don’t waste valuable energy/thinking time on what will never be.
I know you are on your own, but I also know you enjoy your voluntary work. Why not expand that?
You need to have something positive to occupy your mind.
Pollx
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I have not tried any antidepressants before and choose the talking therapy CBT is an alternative to medication. Many years ago I tried counselling when going through a break up and that wasn’t of much benefit.
I do recommend high impact CBT though, I had ten sessions with a CBT therapist on the NHS.
Here’s the NHS page on CBT
xxx
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HI Folksongs - so sorry to hear how low you are feeling, but try not to look at what you haven’t got 'cause it will just make you feel worse. There are so many things to be thankful for in life - maybe it would help to focus on those and not the bad stuff. In the early days - before diagnosis I think - my GP said to me that I needed to accept my ‘new normal’… for me, it’s a lesson I regularly need to re-learn. I guess we all feel a level of frustration that things are not as we’d like them to be, but I do so hope that you can get some enjoyment from the ordinary, everyday stuff in life and find YOUR ‘new normal’.
Hugs,
H x
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Really well said Carrot Cruncher
Polly x
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Hello Folksongs,
You have described how you feel very well. And I know that it really hurts. It really, really hurts.
I don’t know if it will help you but I found that putting feelings, as strong as yours are, down on paper releases some of the tension. I wrote a lot when I felt alone, forgotten and unloved.
I discovered this passage many years ago; I don’t understand it but I felt moved by it:
Once upon a time, through a strange country, there rode some goodly knights, and their path lay by a deep wood, where tangled briers grew very thick and strong, and tore the flesh of them that lost their way therein. And the leaves of the trees that grew in the wood were very dark and thick, so that no ray of light came through the branches to lighten the gloom and sadness.
And, as they passed by that dark wood, one knight of those that rode, missing his comrades, wandered far away, and returned to them no more; and they, sorely grieving, rode on without him, mourning him as one dead.
Now, when they reached the fair castle towards which they had been journeying, they stayed there many days, and made merry; and one night, as they sat in cheerful ease around the logs that burned in the great hall, and drank a loving measure, there came the comrade they had lost, and greeted them. His clothes were ragged, like a beggar’s, and many sad wounds were on his sweet flesh, but upon his face there shone a great radiance of deep joy.
And they questioned him, asking him what had befallen him: and he told them how in the dark wood he had lost his way, and had wandered many days and nights, till, torn and bleeding, he had lain him down to die.
Then, when he was nigh unto death, lo! through the savage gloom there came to him a stately maiden, and took him by the hand and led him on through devious paths, unknown to any man, until upon the darkness of the wood there dawned a light such as the light of day was unto but as a little lamp unto the sun; and, in that wondrous light, our wayworn knight saw as in a dream a vision, and so glorious, so fair the vision seemed, that of his bleeding wounds he thought no more, but stood as one entranced, whose joy is deep as is the sea, whereof no man can tell the depth.
And the vision faded, and the knight, kneeling upon the ground, thanked the good saint who into that sad wood had strayed his steps, so he had seen the vision that lay there hid.
And the name of the dark forest was Sorrow; but of the vision that the good knight saw therein we may not speak nor tell.
The day has been so full of fret and care, and our hearts have been so full of evil and of bitter thoughts, and the world has seemed so hard and wrong to us. Then Night, like some great loving mother, gently lays her hand upon our fevered head, and turns our little tear-stained face up to hers, and smiles, and, though she does not speak, we know what she would say, and lay our hot flushed cheek against her bosom, and the pain is gone.
Sometimes, our pain is very deep and real, and we stand before her very silent, because there is no language for our pain, only a moan. Night’s heart is full of pity for us: she cannot ease our aching; she takes our hand in hers, and the little world grows very small and very far beneath us, and, borne on her dark wings, we pass for a moment into a mightier Presence than her own, and in the wondrous light of that great Presence, all human life lies like a book before us, and we know that Pain and Sorrow are but the angels of God.
Only those who have worn the crown of suffering can look upon that wondrous light; and they, when they return, may not speak of it, or tell the mystery they know.
(Three Men in a Boat. By Jerome K. Jerome)
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What a lovely piece, and how lovely of you to take the time to post it.
i write things down a lot when i am going through a really bad time, like now, i am ver unwell and stress is bad,making me feel like i am loosing my mind
i write it all down every day,some days when i feel the worst i write quite a lot,it was something i started doing a few years ago,its surprising just how much it helps,that and lavender oil.
i also make a list each day of the things i can still do, and it makes me realise i can do more than i realise,so that helps to keep me a bit more positive.
Thanks for the advice. Feel a little bit more positive today xxx
Hi ladies and gentlemen,
What can i say. Be strong, survive. There will come a time when really effective medicine from the MS will be found. So just be strong. You can do it.
[quote=albrecht durer]
Hello Folksongs,
You have described how you feel very well. And I know that it really hurts. It really, really hurts.
I don’t know if it will help you but I found that putting feelings, as strong as yours are, down on paper releases some of the tension. I wrote a lot when I felt alone, forgotten and unloved.
I discovered this passage many years ago; I don’t understand it but I felt moved by it:
Once upon a time, through a strange country, there rode some goodly knights, and their path lay by a deep wood, where tangled briers grew very thick and strong, and tore the flesh of them that lost their way therein. And the leaves of the trees that grew in the wood were very dark and thick, so that no ray of light came through the branches to lighten the gloom and sadness.
And, as they passed by that dark wood, one knight of those that rode, missing his comrades, wandered far away, and returned to them no more; and they, sorely grieving, rode on without him, mourning him as one dead.
Now, when they reached the fair castle towards which they had been journeying, they stayed there many days, and made merry; and one night, as they sat in cheerful ease around the logs that burned in the great hall, and drank a loving measure, there came the comrade they had lost, and greeted them. His clothes were ragged, like a beggar’s, and many sad wounds were on his sweet flesh, but upon his face there shone a great radiance of deep joy.
And they questioned him, asking him what had befallen him: and he told them how in the dark wood he had lost his way, and had wandered many days and nights, till, torn and bleeding, he had lain him down to die.
Then, when he was nigh unto death, lo! through the savage gloom there came to him a stately maiden, and took him by the hand and led him on through devious paths, unknown to any man, until upon the darkness of the wood there dawned a light such as the light of day was unto but as a little lamp unto the sun; and, in that wondrous light, our wayworn knight saw as in a dream a vision, and so glorious, so fair the vision seemed, that of his bleeding wounds he thought no more, but stood as one entranced, whose joy is deep as is the sea, whereof no man can tell the depth.
And the vision faded, and the knight, kneeling upon the ground, thanked the good saint who into that sad wood had strayed his steps, so he had seen the vision that lay there hid.
And the name of the dark forest was Sorrow; but of the vision that the good knight saw therein we may not speak nor tell.
The day has been so full of fret and care, and our hearts have been so full of evil and of bitter thoughts, and the world has seemed so hard and wrong to us. Then Night, like some great loving mother, gently lays her hand upon our fevered head, and turns our little tear-stained face up to hers, and smiles, and, though she does not speak, we know what she would say, and lay our hot flushed cheek against her bosom, and the pain is gone.
Sometimes, our pain is very deep and real, and we stand before her very silent, because there is no language for our pain, only a moan. Night’s heart is full of pity for us: she cannot ease our aching; she takes our hand in hers, and the little world grows very small and very far beneath us, and, borne on her dark wings, we pass for a moment into a mightier Presence than her own, and in the wondrous light of that great Presence, all human life lies like a book before us, and we know that Pain and Sorrow are but the angels of God.
Only those who have worn the crown of suffering can look upon that wondrous light; and they, when they return, may not speak of it, or tell the mystery they know.
(Three Men in a Boat. By Jerome K. Jerome)
[/quote wow, that’s deep, & so nice! thankx, made ma day,
so sorry to hear u in a bad place, but no’ M/S aint shiney its pritty/sh&ty i never sent someone a vurtual hug before, but here goes, oh~ BTW stop refuring to ya self as fat!! your human & alive,
like ya name folksongs ya must listen to some, i do,
gud luck xx julien
Hi folk songs, I am sorry you feel this way. MS is a shitty condition which no one deserves and sometimes it can get the better of us. The advice given above is excellent but you really should speak to your doctor. Anything that may help you has got to be worth a try. Take care, fluffyollie xx
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