Hi, i’m just new to this and not even sure I am on the right page, and I really hope I am not bothering anyone as that seems to be the story of my life. I’ve had ms for just over 10 years i’m 33 now and never had a chance to speak to anyone as no one seems to be interested in what I want to say, I feel so lonely and pathetic as I worry its not my ms just that I am so messed up. I seem to have terrible mood swings that rear their ugly head every so often, this leads me to saying hurtful spiteful things to my family, I guess because I just want my old life back, to be able to be the life and soul not the tired/confused forgetful person I am now. My parents say I need to speak to someone but what if these mood swings aren’t ms related and I am just a nasty spiteful person? I feel so much anger and hatred because I think what did I do to deserve this, what did any of us do? I normally don’t let it get me down I normally have the attitude " I have ms it doesn’t have me" but recently I feel so down and depressed and as I said earlier my family are a good support but even now they are at their wits end with me, my paranoia is terrible and I just feel everone is against me, I can’t shake the feeling and can’t lift myself out of this depression, eveytime I try to talk to my parents it just leads to another argument and me storming out, I just want some help and someone who won’t judge me just understand i’m hurting and feel totally alone, thanks even just for reading this, any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Hi Blue Pebble I’ve not been here long but have found everyone very friendly and helpful so don’t worry about bothering anyone. Sounds like you have a good supporting family, but have you thought about asking your gp about counselling? Sometimes it easier to talk about things with someone who is not emotionally involved and who you don’t have to worry about upsetting. Also, I may be wrong, but I doubt your parents are judging you. They are probably worried but at a loss to know how to help. Start with you gp or MS nurse and ask for help. And come back here as often as you like. I don’t think anyone here will judge. We all have our days where we want to rant at the world I’m sure. I know I do. Take care of yourself.
Hi shuffler, thanks so much for replying sitting in tears here just because I know I am being unreasonable about things but I am too proud to back down, I know myself its wrong and I should ask for help as I clearly need it, I know my parents are upset beacuse they are worried, I just can’t seem to accept that. i’m back at the hospital on the 18th so I will definatley ask the nurse to put me in touch with someone.
Thanks for the good advice 
blue pebble
Hello BP, whenever you’re seeing a doctor or a nurse or anyone other professional or volunteer who has a concern for your welfare, don’t be afraid of taking as much time as you need to explain your worries and fears. I don’t know you details or circumstances but I think it would be a good idea to contact the local ms society just to see what’s going on. Just don’t think of yourself as a burden on anyone-there are lots of people only to willing to help and advise you. The ms society, whether local or national can give you a lot of useful information and advice.
Kind regards, Steve.
Hi my lovely, I know its not easy becaue MS is not easy but we are here to help you so try not to think of yourself as spiteful etc - its just that you’re going through difficult times - I think most of us have been there. I agree it would be good if you could get some help when you see your MS nurse. I hope things get better for you soon as you are so young and there’s bound to be good times ahead.
Thinking of you and sending BIG warm ((((((((HUGS))))))))) and love your way xxx
Hi blue pebble, just to let u know you are not alone in feeling this way. I am 32 and just like you paranoid and feel the world is against me at times fly off the handle for nothing! The anxiety is awful at times i went to my gp and was prescribed a mild dose of antidepressants personally i didnt feel any benefit so stopped them however the amxiety and paranoia has now calmed down. in my situation i find it comes in waves. try speakin to your gp i hope you get the support you need xx
Hi I’m 32 and recently diagnosed. Although I am pretty well at the moment, there is always that underlying knowledge that all is not well. It is an additional stress to your life that will compete with everything else that goes on. I think this is even harder when you have to deal with people who you haven’t disclosed your diagnosis to. My big worry, for instance, is staying in employment. I work with sociable people but don’t do the after work drinks as I tend to need to go to sleep early. I’m sure this makes me seem unfriendly! I hope you get some useful support to help you through this difficult time. Take care Fade
Hi, One of the first symptoms I had, was a terrible pressure in my brain which I think was a reaction to a lesion. It made me difficult to live with. I hope you aren’t being too hard on yourself. I go to a MS therapy centre, it is the only time I feel I am with people who understand the problems we face. My best to you, Peter
Hi
I don’t think you’re a spiteful person - I think, as you’ve said, you’re just someone struggling to come to terms with our diagnosis, and wanting your old life back. And those are perfectly normal experiences. You’re griving the loss of your old life, and something I often suggest to people is to read up about the stages of grief. Denial, bargaining (that’s the ‘why me?’ you’ve been asking), anger, and depression are all feelings we may find we experience. I’ve known all of those feelings, and still can do whenever my symptoms get worse. However, the final stage of grief is acceptance, and that’s when we can begin to rebuild & move on with our lives.
So it obviously can be horrible to go through what you’re feeling, but not unsurprising, and I don’t believe that you’ll always feel like this. The trick is to not get stuck in any stage you may find yourself, though that can often be easier said than done : ). Simply noticing what you’re feeling, as you are doing, is probably a good place to start though.
I wonder if it would be a good idea to say sorry to the people you’ve been spiteful to, and to let them know you’re just struggling to come to terms with what’s happened to you. And if your pride stops you doing that face to face, maybe try writing a letter to them instead.
And come on here as much as you need to just to let off steam - I’m sure we can all relate to it.
Dan