Now, Im gonna say summat you may be surprised at...but I cant shake off this feeling and mental attitude. It has to be shaken off, cos there is absochuffinlutely no point in what I`m gonna say.
Im just having a rant. ive told those close to me, but they cant help, they dont really understand how I feel like you do...How can they? Theyre not in my position…but they are all so caring and look after me so well. I feel guilty if I continue to tell them how I feel. I had a melt down last friday…they were shocked, carers were empathetic, hubby was furious with me…so what am I chuntering about? here goes…and I KNOW you will all get it…
I am bloody, sodding, chuffing FED UP of being disabled!!!
There now! And there aint a damn thing I can do about it. In the 17 or so years Ive had this hsp crap, Ive managed to keep upbeat (most of the time), but I have this overwhelming cloud around me.....innit someone elses turn for a few days in my wheelchair, with my supra pubic catheter, with bowels that have a mind of their own, with my so heavy mottled legs…etc etc etc…
Just tell me itll pass.............Ill feel better…I know theres only me who can shrug this black time off.....I dont need a doctors prescription for anit-depressants…I dont want them.
You wouldn’t be normal if you didn’t have these periods poll, you cope so well but that doesn’t mean your immune to human feelings. Most people without a chronic life changing illness have blue times and we don’t say to them to snap out of it, so I think your justified to have a rant and moan now and again. Your a wonderful human being who like everyone else has periods when they moan about their lives, now your load is bigger than most so I think your to allow yourself a moan and accept you are sad at the moment, hopefully those around you can support you of they understand now how your feeling. Sending a hug xxxxx
You are a lovely human being, who has a damn good right to whinge, wail, moan and gripe every now and then. Being disabled is shit. Being very disabled is doubly so. What you have to live with would make some people utterly miserable, self obsessed gits. The fact that every now and then you have the black cloud of self pity descend on you is part of what makes you human. How could you possibly understand other people if you didn’t get how their MS / HSP / whatever else makes them feel.
Ignore the fact that you may have upset a few other people just for a change. You cannot possibly always be cheerful, funny, positive and optimistic. It is pretty wonderful that you manage to be all of those things most of the time.
You are allowed to have a melt down now and then, people who are not in your position truly don’t understand, how could they?
Life can be a bitch sometimes, and although for the most of it you cope admirably, you are human Poll, and sometimes it is just too much.
You are a loving, kind generous person Poll, and I so wish I could give you a hug right now, next best thing is a virtual one ((((hugs))))) plus I think Tina’s seasonal solution is right.
Hang in there Poll, it will get better, and we are all there for you, take care and treat yourself to whatever makes you feel good Poll.
Well im just going to open up the tin of chocs i ordered for christmas , not the answer i know but what the hell, i say to hell with it and moan about it later when i put on weight .
You seem such a lovely upbeat person most of the time so feel free to have a wobble now and again we cant always look on the bright side of life all the time . I feel a song coming on .
When i read your words, my chins wobble with filling up!
Of course you`re right…we ALL deserve a rant now and then, but i truly hate myself when i am a misery. You know hubby hasnt said owt about my moaning…he never does…but I reckon it hurts him when i seem unappreciative of life.
he says his philosophy is to wake up every morning and say to himself, Well,here I am again!.
Ive just really shouted at our Sophie......shes yanked the cushions off the sofa with her tiny teeth and jaws…she only weighs 2.5kilos!
She gets carried away with chewing and chucking…now shes taking a snooze on the back of my recliner....knows shes a naughty girl…poor babs!
Ah Poll I do hope you feel better soon. Don’t be hard on yourself, you usually cope like the trooper you are so give yourself a break and allow yourself to wallow in the proverbial for a while.
I admire you so much for your attitude and the way you still go on holiday despite the headache it is to organise. I love reading your posts and your responses to other people’s threads.
I hope we can jolly you along till this down period ends.
Oh Poll, I do feel for you! It’s hard work, this being disabled lark, isn’t it?
But I’m sure if you can put up with it all in a positive way most of the time, then I’m sure that the people (and little Sophie) around you can cope with you having the occasional melt down!
I have to say, I think my husband would be greatly releived if I was as stoic as you
Hang on in there till the black clouds lift, and they will.
hi Poll, I think you’re bleedin marvellous generally coping with what you have to. I know that I would be an absolute nightmare if it was me so I admire you for your normally upbeat attitude and good humour. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t have a damn good rant now & again and able bodied people will never truly understand how anyone disabled really feels. I do recognise what Tina says, this time of year is absolutely pants, I hate the dark nights and mornings, I get panicky and gloomy and can’t wait til Spring. I seem to remember you saying a long while back that you also hate the winter time. I should think everyone was shocked by your meltdown because they usually find you in a positive mood…well I say, let them be shocked, so what…don’t feel guilty about it Poll. This crappy phase will pass as sure as eggs are eggs. Take care x
You have every right to have a groan. You have helped so many of us on here through our bad days so we are here for you. You are a true inspiration to us all. You stay so up beat and your lightheartedness is a breath of fresh air.
Of course I am not gonna tell you off but now come on Poll kick those bad thoughts up the chuffin bum!! I’ll send you some good vibes. Here they come … ((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))).
How’s that beautiful little doggy doing? Bet she is getting bigger.
Having a rant or a meltdown is a completely valid response to feeling crappy all the time. We keep our feelings under control and maintain a reasonable public persona most of the time. I tend to go off on one when my wife is out so that she does not get to deal with the worst of it. One time my neighbour heard me and thought I was being tortured. I had to take some flowers around as an apology. I use how I feel during the bad times as a comparator when things are not so bad which tends to boost the better bits. I hope you feel a bit better soon. Mick
Eeee, yet more wonderfully concerned and caring replies! I cant feel alone in my disability when I know most of you are just the same as me. Im coming round now.
I joined the library and am reading Gok Wan`s biography…didnt know half of what he went through.
He`s a mixed man…with many many hang ups and what a good friend he is to people.
Reading takes me out of myself…got to be a good thing when I`m struggling mentally innit?
luv Pollx
ps I had to chuckle at you Mick, having to take flowers next door!
Sorry to read you’re on a downer. Get your spikes on your chariot, I’ll round up the troops, and we’ll go kick some Roman butt !!! Or at very least steal their chocolate and ice cream. … Love and raspberries !!! Iceni. (What ? You didn’t want a serious answer? You know you’re adored on here !!!) Andy
Oh Poll, so sorry to read that you are currently feeling down, but you are allowed to feel this way you know. You are so giving and wonderful with your witty comments, that it’s only fair that we try to help you when you want a rant. How can anyone truly understand what these awful conditions are like? So, a meltdown occasionally is well justified and nothing to apologise for!
Sending you a great big virtual hug, and hope that you are soon your upbeat, witty self soon.
Got Boudica on order at the library…chocolate ready for tonight…in between fluffing out me taffeta for Strictly! and eyeing up the gorgeous Gleb…oooh, he IS a beautiful man!
Andy