How do you form friendships & relationships when you have MS ? Maybe it is easier for other people, or my son is just meeting the wrong people. Everything starts off great, once they find out he has MS they distance themselves.
Would it not be better to talk about it, ask questions ot simply be honest ? My son is finding it hard to make genuine friendships. Relationships forget it, the women he has met, want a healthy partner. Feel sorry for those people, hope they never get sick in anyway. Why dont people see the person in front of them ? Sorry if am ranting but my son is a good person, he just happens to have MS. As his mum it breaks my heart, watching him try so hard and not getting any results. Has anyone tried dating sites ?
Someone told him you should find someone with a disability, why can he not meet someone who just likes him
Hi, well I don’t have the answers for you, but just wanted to reply and show my support. Having this condition is a real ball ache, maybe look for a local group in your area where you son could meet people with MS and maybe hopefully people of his own age, good luck.
Jean
Hi, I understand your natural concern as a mum.
The world is full of people and he will meet the right one when the time is right.
As greenhouse says, maybe joining a local MS group could be worth a go.
Boudsx
Years ago, I was a sales trainer. We taught people how to present themselves, their company and their product in the best possible light. You certainly don’t lead with all the worst stuff!
MS is never something you should lie about but it’s not what defines you. There will be a right time for disclosure: no point doing it too early if a relationship isn’t going anywhere - that person doesn’t need to know. Too late and it could make the person suspicious - what else have you held back etc. Just enough for them to have become a little bit interested and invested in you as a person.
Depends also how advanced the MS has become. If the dating site profile photos are of an able-bodied person and you show up to a first date in a wheelchair, clearly some more disclosure should have taken place as the original photos are tantamount to deception. Also depends on the rate of progress of your MS.
I probably had my first signs of MS in 2012 with some leg numbness and got misdiagnosed. Met my now-wife in 2016 and was still doing HIIT bootcamps at thast time though by year-end had to stop training. Married in 2018. Diagnosed with PPMS in early 2021 by which time I was using a stick and now use a wheelchair for longer distances. I have the benefit of ignorance of my condition when I met my wife, so there was no deception. Indeed, I told her what I thought I had (the misdiagnosis) and that I’d probably need an operation.
In short - just be yourself and be true to yourself and those around you.
Try not to worry! There’s someone for everyone, I met my husband just after my diagnosis, he was a friend of a friend I was in a bad way before I met him, as I was in a previous relationship for 7 years and was supposed to get married, but he couldn’t cope with my diagnosis, (showed his true colours) I was devastated , within a month I lost my job, my fiancé and my health. My husband came along and he was lovely and caring , and a bit nuts haha! and we’ve been together 40 years, he’s my soul mate! Don’t rush it there’s someone out there that will be worthy of him xx
Aspiemum. If your son’s friends decide m.s. is something to distance themselves from him, they’re not friends. I told my friends, and it didn’t make any difference…, hell, they even took the piss, and I would have expected no less. People I worked with etc, I didn’t tell. None of their business. Only told my boss when I really needed to. Everyone is different. But if I gave one bit of advice to him, I’d tell him to be himself. People come and go, but he has to be with himself 24/7.
Hi there,
Friendships and relationships come and go; it’s normal. Yes being disabled, I probably find them harder to come by. It’s not worth thinking about. When you least expect, you may well find someone to bond with.
Best,
JP
Hello to all who replied so sorry i never answered. You know how life is throws everything at you, at once. I have a partner with Parkinsons so my head is always battered. Sadly our local MS group doesnt have an younger members my son could make friends with. He is consently sad & down and i really dont know how to help. He doesnt have anyone else to talk so so i get it, i understand must be awful having no friends at all. Please does anyone have an suggestions he can try ? I said join some dating sites, but so many scammers on them nowadays. Do friendship groups exist? He now has PPMS and his mobility depending on weather is good and bad. I think hes just very frustrated, you know how it goes. This horrible MS strips you of all the good things you used to enjoy. If you got this far thank you for listening and sorry for moaning. He is 42 now and convinced hes going to die a lonely, bitter man and never having the chance to be a dad or husband. Honesty my heart breaks for him, but what can i do other than me here for him
Get him to sign up to shift.ms, as they tend to have a younger membership. They used to have a map showing who was in your local area too, which might be useful.