forgotten memories

Hi, just want vent really.

My memory is really bad, always been a joke but recently ive been paying more attention.
A friend say about her 40th birthday and i asked about it…she said i was there, helped to organise and decorate - but i cant recall it at all.

Another friend gave me the first of 3 books which i really enjoyed, then gave me the 3rd. when she asked if id read the 3rd, i said i was waiting to borrow the 2nd from her - she had already lent it to me, was telling me what happened etc and i swore blind i hadnt read it…but turns out i have.

I was looking at old photos, but i cant remember who some people are.

But most upsetting of all is for my 18th birthday my dad gave a speech which was out of character for him - but i dont remember him doing that at all, i dont remember the party only from photos

I cant remember very much about my dad - he died when i was 19 but ive been trying to recall anything but its not alot, i was a daddys girl and im forgetting him - and im (removed by moderator)scared

I know what you’re saying - my memory’s shot too, and I am accustomed to the quizzical looks you get from people who can’t BELIEVE that one has forgotten this or that momentous event. It’s weirdly unsettling, I find.

I try to take comfort from the thought that the blessing of love from the people who love and care for us leaves an imprint on our minds and our lives that is more powerful and profound than specific images that rely on an imperfect memory.

It baffles me how I can remember small, insignificant details from something, but then completely forget other more important things

Something that’s shown to help with memory is brain n-back training, which is all about training your memory to recall things. It’s a little confusing at first, but you soon get the hang of it.There are plenty of apps available, or have a go here - BrainScale.net Training App

Dan

Memory changes over time - each time we remember something, we rewrite it, so it actually changes! It is like transcribing from old film into newer, higher quality film, but can come with transcribing errors. A bit like all these camera phones with different filters each time! So often there are events that happen in life that siblings remember very differently - indeed even as to who the event actually happened too. Each can claim it was themselves when in fact it only happened to one of them.

Use those photos to re-embed the memories. As philosophers say, everything is a dream. The past is a dream, the future is a dream. Even the present is a dream, because our senses only pick a very small amount of the world we are actually part of, so we don’t know what reality actually is, just how we have interpreted it in that moment.

As we get older I think we get more used to apologising for our faulty memories. I personally think our brains are rather like filing cabinets, when it comes to memories. The longer we have lived the more full they are, so there is less space to store new memories, and old, scarcely used memories get very cobwebby, are harder to find, and, like paper, have yellowed, got tattered and are harder to read.

As for your dad. Try talking to people who would have known him, and combine that with the photos you have. Rebuild the picture of him. It might not be completely accurate, but in many ways that doesn’t matter, as long as it is true to his essential character. It is also quite interesting to hear how others perceived people - as it builds a broader picture of who that person was.

My guess, with the books, it wasn’t an important memory, so was just very shallowly stored - why fill up your mind with the inessential? Memory of your dad is clearly important to you, so work on rebuilding that.

And, I think it is important to keep some photographs of our past, particularly as we get older. It is so easy, in say middle age, to do a major declutter and get rid of many. I’m at that stage. In later life they help to recall those earlier years, and remember our journey to who we are now.

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thanks guys xx

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Jot down you life story… Seems lame, but certain memories written down may trigger other ones. I do family history, and once my relatives are ion the mood for a mardle, it’s surprising what comes up. Music will take me back…, but it’s funny how the bad (removed by moderator) surfaces with the fun stuff…