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Feeling like a loser and a burden

My life has been recently turned upside down. Symptoms have made my life a hell. Sunday I decided to have a bath as I felt it would be good idea to just relax in one full of water. I know having a bath is not the smartest thing to do as it affects symptoms, I had to give up swimming due to symptoms a few years back. As I was about to get out from the bath I fell hurting my chest straight down the middle and most of my right side. I decided to take things easy and rest as when the pain was going to hit it would be unbearable. I turned out to be wrong the pain was bad but managable. I was chuffed with how I was coping. Wednesday morning 6.30 am I here my wife repeatedly asking me wake up are you okay? I was startled and asked her whether she was okay and let me go back to sleep. She started crying and said please wake up and look around you then reply. After a few minutes of yawning and stretching I look around me and above me. I was on the floor I had fallen quite a distance from my bed I could not get up no power even using my walking aid. Somehow my wife managed to lift me of the ground and put me in a sitting position whilst I sat there trying to figure out what had happened. My wife insists on calling an ambulance and me being stubborn told her no just help me back in to bed I’m going back to sleep and will think about it when I wake up. I woke upto to excruciating pain and went to the A&E all bloods normal etc. I’m told it’s your neuros job to find out what is wrong chase up with him. I’ve been married for 16 years and have gone on from being healthy with an active lifestyle to somebody who is a health wreck an enigma for the medics as they like to call me. My wife has never ever complained about anything and she loves me more than anything else, but today a thought popped into my mind, she deserves better than me what has the poor thing done to end up being with a loser like me? I feel so guilty I feel like I’ve ruined her life by getting married to her. I know she deserves better than this. As soon as I got back home from the hospital her grumpy face turned into a face of happiness. She rushed to me and helped me sit down and asked how I’m doing and if I was okay I replied if it wasn’t for her I don’t know how I’d manage, she tells me to shut up in funny way and tells me she will always be there for me. I can’t get this guilty feeling out of me I’ve tried to ignore them but they just get stronger, I keep asking myself why have you ruined another persons life? It might be depression or just my emotions are at a low level and about to hit depression levels. Any words of encouragement would be welcome, please do not ask intimate questions I am currently not in a good mood not saying what I’ve gone through gives me a right to respond to questions with a diss. I hope you folks can understand where I’m coming from and what I’m going through and instead of asking questions will help me with words of encouragement and how best to deal with the dilemma I find myself in. Thank you to everyone who may be able to help.

Hello Anon,

You have a wonderful wife who loves you dearly, that is so obvious. You are not useless, you just have a nasty, nasty disease. Your poor wife would be devasted if she knew how you feel. She married you for better or for worse and I wouldn’t say you’ve ruined her life at all. You say you’ve been maried for 16 years, that means a heck of a lot, don’t try to throw it all away because of this set back. You yourself said her grumpy face turned into happiness when she saw you, surely that tells you how she feels about you. It will take time for you to get over this set back but your wife will be by your side to help you, so please let her.

I hope you do feel better very soon in the mean time sending you (((((HUGS)))))

Janet

x

Hello,

If this is your first time on the forum, welcome; you’ve come to the right place for support, advice and understanding.

Firstly, I know you feel down at the moment, understandably, but wow, what a fab wife you have, who clearly loves you dearly.

You having MS and all that it brings, is no ones fault, including you. We have just been dealt this card, for no reason.

I can think of a few pieces of advice which I hope will help;

Firstly…Try and imagen swapping places with your wife. If it were her unwell, would you still be there for her? I am pretty sure your will answer yes to that question. You have not chosen for life to be different, you haven not chosen to be ill. I would rather have a spouse with a health condition than an abusive or neglative one. You can still be a good husband, kind words, supporting each other and love, are all you need.

Secondly…please speak to your GP about how you feel. It could be depression, for which there is lots of help. MS can affect mood and depression is very common with this condition.

Thirdly…have you contacted your Neuro’s PA recently? You could be having a relapse.

Lastly and more importantly…have you told your wife how you are feeling? From what you have said, I am sure she will want to know how you are feeling.

I do hope things pick up for you soon.

Take care

Clare x

Hi, okay you don`t want questions, just words of encouragement.

Right, for a kick off you must stop thinking of yourself as a loser and a burden. You are neither of those things and I`m sure your wife would agree with me.

My hubby has looked after me for all our married life…40 years…not with me being an invalid all that time, , but as his chosen partner. When we are a couple (married or not) we take on the responsibility of caring, loving and helping each other, no matter what.

Im not naive about that and realise that not all this happens with every couple. But from the way you describe your lovley wife, she would be horrified if she thought she wasnt all those things to you.

Right, lecture over.i`ll be a bit milder with you now.

Having MS or any chronic condition, which mars our lives so much, takes some living with. Not long ago I had reason to think my hubby was weighed down with having me for his wife. I asked him outright if I was a burden to him and if he would be better off without me. He was shocked that I could ever think that. He assured me of his love and need for me.

Every now and then we feel so low that our thinking becomes muddled. Maybe at those times we could do with a rant on here or a chat with our GP.

I hope your low mood improves soon.

Take care of yourself and that wonderful wife too.

luv Pollx

Mentally, swap roles. Think about it. Your wife is diagnosed with MS and needs help. What would you do? How would you see her? I would imagine you would do anything to help her. I bet you would not see her any differently than when you met. You wouldn’t love her any less, right? Chin up. You lover her, she loves you. For better or worse…remember? Xx

Hello,

Absolutely understand what you have said. I was feeling like you last week. I really hope that today you feel differently- that seems to be the way I feel-some days I feel really positive but on a bad day I feel so awful about how MS makes life harder for my family.

I hope the good times out weigh the bad- you are still you and your wife loves you as you are.

Maybe there is something you could do to give her a lovely surprise just to say in another way how much you love her and appreciate her?

Hope you feel better about everything soon.

Hazel

X

I’m hungry and needing my tea. My wife should be coming home now. I have had MS for 13+ years - maybe more, the doctors couldn’t say. Your symptoms are ‘pretty-much’ the same. It is a nightmare at the start but it will get more ‘manage-able’ - fingers crossed. I have ‘MS’ and I have run out of swear-words to describe it - Just try to stay cool and relax - my own Doctor may get it and there is no cure yet,

Best wishes,

Marcus.