Feeling like a failure

New diagnosis and before diagnosis
1

Hi Guys,

Yesterday the wife and I went scuba diving at our local pool lthough today I am suffering for it!

I feel like a failure though, As we left the Dive shop stepping out onto the pavement of the small town centre I glimps out the corner of my eye someone whizzing along on their bike and I shouted stop and tried to get back to my wife but it was too late, he rode his bike straight into her and knocked her over! clean off her feet.

I made sure she was alright and helped her up best I could before launching into the biggest verbal assault known to man, This guy didnt appoagise, he said that she should have looked where she was going, (she was walking out of a bloody shop!) I was edging closer and closer to him, I was going to wrap my walking stick round his F"“”" throat, but then told him to go.

I felt I had let my wife down, I wanted to hit him so hard, I am not a violent person but I hate the way society is today, this guy was in his late 20s he didnt care at all. It made me sick, but what could I really do? Walking with my stick, wobbling along, I couldnt defend my wife, I certainly could defend myself and I feel terrible for it.

Sorry to ramble but im frustrated and angry and as my wife said, Tom if you had a bang round the head we dont know what that could do to you, fair point but I know what a bang around the chops would have done to the other guy!

I just feel sad and pathetic, I try to keep to motivated and calm but this really did set something off in me, How could i protect my family, do I buy a gun? do I put CCTV camera up everywhere just incase, it may sound mental but im 27, 6,1 and 14.7 st, At one point I was confident that if needed to I could punch very hard, or run very fast, now I cant do either. Again im not a violent person, I actually hate confrontation but its important I can protect my wife, our home, and eventually our kids.

2

That doesn’t make you a failure. By the sounds of things the turd was riding on the pavement and healthy or not you could not have stopped it. As for hitting him with the old stick you should I am sure it would have at least made you feel a little better about it all

3

Coming from a women’s perspective, I wouldn’t want my husband to react violently you did exactly the right thing. Looking after your wife first and then shouting. You are no failure and I would get more stressed if I thought a fight might break out.I think it takes more of a man to walk away and it doesn’t mean you cannot protect. Zoe

4

Hi Tom You absolutely did the right thing…and if were your wife, I should be very proud. Xx Ps a stick poked through the spokes of a back wheel just as he cycled away would have been a nasty shock !!! Whoops…he should have looked where he was going…

5

Hi Tom

That guy was an ungrateful, unrespectful trollop. I know it feels as if you’re not the man you once were, but remember defending your family isn’t just about the physical. Your mouth, your confidence, your body language are all other valuable tools to help which you have at your disposal. And in fact they’re better tools than just going in with your fists.

I was dating someone at one point that would have gone in all guns blazing with his fists - and I can tell you it caused me more stress. My Fiance is trained in martial arts and in over 4 years I’ve never seen him use his physical skills to deal with a situation like that and I’m always very proud of this.

So Tom you really should be proud of yourself too. It takes a greater man to control your anger and not use fists.

Reemz

X

6

Thanks guys, this helps,

I am actually a black belt and have competed in the UK and in the World Championships, I stongly believe this gives me the dicipline I need not to throw punches and your right if I hit him the wife would have been more worried about me getting hurt.

I hate confrontation and avoid it at all costs, im a make love not war type of guy. I am pretty sure my body language, tone of voice and look of… Hulk Smash! scared him, he looked scared but was trying to justify it which made it worse.

I do recal telling him to go now and I hope you get hit by a car. I hate bad feeling but the things he said, she should have looked where shes going, he wasnt going fast, he can ride his bike on the pavement if he wants to, it not against the law.

It just upset me I felt useless but maybe not, I did what I always would have done just thinking because of this I couldnt do something else like punch him, its stupid really, I wouldnt have hit him normally but because I couldnt I wanted to ha ha.

Thanks again guys

7

Hi Tom, I don’t think you are a failure sometimes its better to walk away . He may not be so lucky next time if he doesn’t look where he is going. I know how you feel . This limboland feeling is so draining and makes you feel stressed at times. I hate the way it makes me feel . We went for my evoked potentials yesterday , a 2hr drive each way for twenty minutes of tests . Went shopping afterwards in Glasgow , but could hardly stand up in BHS , I hate shopping but this was terrible. I had to ask for a chair , I felt so useless .I am a dad of three girls and my life has fallen apart. I am surposed to be the provider for them yet I am unable to work . It makes me feel hopeless and scared that we might loose house . Pete

8

Oh Tom, dear Tom.

You sound like a lovely fella and im sure your wife is proud of you. Now just imagine, if you had thumped that inconsiderate b........d! say youd done him some injury (deserved it, I know) say he`d fallen into the road and got run over.

The cops wouldve arrested you! You couldve been done for GBH. Then your lady would`ve been upset, eh?

No lad, i`m afraid to say you did do the right thing.

Lets hope the total waste of good skin comes a cropper soon.............a chuffin big one at that!

luv Pollx

9

Hi Peter, please don’t feel like a failure. It’s not your fault that you’re unwell. If it was you’re wife or one of your daughters going through this it wouldn’t even cross your mind to think less of them. I’m sure your family doesn’t see you as less of a husband and father. I know how you feel worrying about money and being scared, but I’m sure your family love you and you’ll get through this together. Take care, D

10

Tom You did the right thing. Something I once read on a poster:- “Violence is not strength Compassion is not weakness”. You may not be as strong physically as you once were, but I bet you have immense mental strength. Your martial arts training will have taught you that.

11

I agree with what everyone else has said. In this day and age, unfortunately, it would have been YOU who got into serious trouble if you’d laid a punch on the idiot. That would not be good. And even worse, he could have been carrying a weapon and may have retaliated. It takes a stronger man to walk away than it does to throw a punch. As far as protecting your wife in the future goes, I would think that a sharp whack to the shin/groin/head with your stick would be good if the circumstances arose! Not that I’m condoning violence, it just gives you an option should you ever need to defend yourself or your wife. You are not a failure. X

12

Thanks again everyone, I am feeling more confident and happy about my decision, I suppose I was the better man for letting it go as hard as it is to do so, I appreicae all your comments.

Sorry to hear all of that Pete Limbo land sucks, there are plenty of places to go and speak to regarding finances e.t.c. and I am sure you are a great dad and tht hasnt and wont change.

As for asking for things, I dont care what people think, I have asked for Chairs, people have helped me carry shopping to the car e.t.c I was embarresed and then I thought, struggling myself wil hurt me and why do I need the extra stress.

Like scuba diving was great fun, but lordy i am struggling today because of it.

13

l struggle after a visit to the shops too Tom come to think of it l get tired sitting with a book in my hand ! They do say that discretion is better part of valour and its probably true l’m not sure if your good lady would have approved of you. helping the individual into an ambulance on his way to a&e for …god knows ! F.xx

14

Hi Pete, just hoping I can help you feel a bit better…never be afraid or embarrassed to ask for help. Do you know what? The majority of folk are only too pleased to help…makes them feel good too!

Have you thought about using Shopmobility for shopping days? I did for years, then got my own wheels. Shopping is so much better when we dont have to struggle on our pins…honestly! Give it a go, yeh?

I am sure your 3 girls think you are a super dad! Hope they are looking after you!

luv Pollx