hello all. hope everyone is well as expected 
. well today my partner of 4 yrshas told me he wants to move out as he cant cope with me and his daughter from his marriage . we can still be together apparently and he will still come and see me its not like i need a lot of care 
. he only sees his daughter once a fornight . so mu happy family seems to be broken today many thanks for listening . sue xx
Hello Sue
That sounds very sad. Does he mean he still wants to be ‘with’ you, just not living together? Or is it a complete break up but he’ll still be your friend? And does he normally act as your carer, or does he just mean that you’ll get on OK without him?
Or is he not really clear how he sees your future relationship?
Whatever the answers to my (nosy) questions, it does make today a lousy day. And as you say, what you thought was a happy family is not today.
And for that, you have my sympathy.
Sue
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I am sorry, Sue. He does seem to have everyone dancing to his tune, if you don’t mind my saying so. I am wondering about how you seem willing to accept his right to set the detailed rules of engagement in you relationship. Of course maybe you had your tongue in your cheek when writing, in which case, good for you and good riddance to him.
Alison
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thanks for the reply. he says he wants to be with me but live separately. I’m 40 and he’s 42. I’m getting too old to deal with such issues. he’s always suffered from anger issues but recently had gotten better . he called me blue and selfish at the weekend and it’s upset me terribly. he’s not my career as he says he can’t cope with it so he works.
i recently suffered a big relapse but I’m getting stronger and using my wheelchair less and less. I’m actually scared to use it now. in case he goes off again .i have no idea hat to do. it is the old line, I do love him.
im scared to be by myself .
many thanks. Sue xx
hello there.thanks for your reply.
i suffer quite a lot from emotional issues ( emotional lability). and I get so down even taking anti depressants .im not a strong person .relationships in the past I’ve put up with abusive behaviour just so at least I had someone to hug me. sounds terribly sad doesn’t it ?
I’m not in a crisis. I tend to just cry…he always sets the rules and I go along with them. and who would want me at the age of 40 suffering with ms
I just feel totally low.
many thanks. Sue xx
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Hello Sue,
Alison’s said it all. You describe your partner as having a controlling personality. Are you hanging on because you think he’s the only man available? What would happen if you lived separately?
Can you meet other people with MS in your area? What hobbies / interests do you have that you’ve been ignoring because you’ve been meeting his needs? And, more importantly, ignoring your own.
It sounds to me as if he feels that MS is something outside of his control and that frightens him.
He called you selfish? i think it’s the other way round. He’s the selfish one; and weak.
Best wishes,
Anthony
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Sounds to me he wants the best bits of everything a d none of the more challenging parts, which of course, won’t go away.
If you felt stronger, you would see this man for what he is… selfish and controlling!
Put your self first and see if you can find something like a Well woman centre to advise and bolster you.
At 40, you are from being past finding a partner who loves you for yourself…with or without MS.
Look after yourself.
Pollx
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I think it takes a strong person to have survived very difficult life experiences. Please do not underestimate your resilience and how you have learned and grown as a person as you move through life. At heart we are all little animals looking for love and comfort - that isn’t weakness, it’s just being human. If you are feel you are just muddling along, then join the club - everyone’s ship is still at sea.
Please be kind to yourself.
Alison
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Hi Sue,
I met my Gill when I was 42 and she was 52. We’ve been married 19 years. As Poll says, there is no sell-by-date on love.
What’s more, there are advantages to having a few miles on the clock.
Best Wishes,
Anthony (& Gill).
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