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Everything feels too much

Just having a sad day, feel overwhelmed, Lee has gone away with work, The children have been off Ben 18 year old with aspergers has not coped well the lack of routine of college and the stress of exams have given us some real issues he had a major melt down this morning and i feel so sorry for him but don’t feel iv’e got the physical or emotional energy to cope, i love him so much but i was scared that he was going to break something, we used to have holes in the walls caused by big episodes of depression and frustration in the past but he’s been so much better recently, Mollys also out of routine she has the learning difficulties as well as autism thankfully shes had a couple of days at a special needs group she’l be back about 3.30 .

Ever heard the saying “Stop the world i want to get off” i’m just so tired…missing Lee like crazy. Had to crawl on the bus again yesterday just fed up with the injustice of it. and now just had a phone call from grants lady…don’t they just love asking a bunch of intrusive questions…I hate it so much…I hate it when i feel i have to justify things (No I haven’t got any savings) ( yes I am genuine!) apparently she remembers me from a few years ago when she came to see Ben, and “I looked fine then” … give me my old life back my battered old van and my legs that could run miles around my sons paper round!!!

Just feeling sorry for myself.

Michelle x

Heres a big fat squidgy (((((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))) for you Michelle, i am feeling same, fed up of everything,stop the world i wanna get off is just how i feel too,

my daughters splitting with her partner they have a 2 year old, the house is in his name, so shes going to have to find somewhere to live,shes no job,no money and doesnt want to come back home as we argue a lot,i told her she can come back home if she needs to,but she said NO way lol,and i am worried about my little grandaughter as my daughter is a very selfish person and tends to only think of herself,keep telling her she has a child to think of now…makes no difference

i feel guilty as i cant do much to help,i am too ill,although i try my best,it just all seems tooooooooo much,we were going to go on holiday tomorrow,but have had to cancel,im too ill to go, i suspected i might be when we booked,but hey ho…silly me for even thinking about it… how dare i lol…sorry Michelle i have overtaken your post.

J x

Thank you for your kind words,

I really feel for you,…its so hard isn’t it, I hope your daughter lets you help her, its so hard being a mum, How’s your little granddaughter? I know things have been hard for you with worrying about her, it never stops does it? even when they are all grown up we still worry.

I’m so sad for you having to miss your holiday…will you be able to go again later in the year?

Take care… sending a Big Hug love Michelle xxx

Ladies you both deserve lots of love and hugs. Amazes me how resilient we girls are. My daughter - went off to Lanzerote to be bridesmaid to her friend getting married out there. She had to pay for her own holiday and dress. Which was a struggle. Then the early hours of this morning l get a phone call - daughter sobbing on the phone. She fell at the wedding party and hurt her ankle badly.

Too much wine- a long frock- highheels and possibly dancing on the tables!!! An ambulance took her to A&E - and they x-rayed her ankle - and thankfully it was not fractured - but torn ligaments and a severe sprain. She has it strapped up well with supports down the sides. And is in dreadful pain with it. Too painful to use crutches - so she was borrowing a wheelchair. Can you imagine the sight - Bride and bridesmaids all in their frocks in A&E. This was 1.30am this morning. They are due to come back next tuesday. So hopefully, by then, she will be more comfortable - and hopefully able to take off the support strapping and get into the pool. She was sobbing because she felt she had ruined the celebrations of her friend. And of course the wine was not helping.

And because l dashed - well for me it was - to the phone - l ended up falling down with the phone - and l got stuck between the bed and the wall. l was struggling to get up - and Hannah was carrying on blaating on her end of the phone. Eventually, l managed to get upright and onto my bed. l told her to listen - and then said your mum’s just fallen down - then she started blaating again - ‘‘Oh, my poor mums fallen down’’.

Haven’t heard much to-day - as l expect she is feeling hungover and sorry for herself.

MrsJ. Has your daughter had legal advice - as l did not think it mattered if her name was not on the deeds. lf they seperate she ought to try and stay at the house with her daughter. Whatever happens he is responsible for keeping her and his daughter ‘in the manner they are used to’ - Do you get on well with him. l ask - as all my daughters ex-boyfriends l have got on with so well.Four in total. And thankfully she has kept friends with them all. ln fact one of them -has taken her dog this week to look after.

We all need a treat - Take our minds off worrying. What would the world be like without us Mums!!

Heres a huge (((((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))) for both of you Michelle and Mrs J.

I agree with both of you, there are hard days, and some just too hard making it difficult and making you sad, but tomorrow is another day, and here’s hoping it will be better for you.

I can understand you missing your partner Michelle, you have an awful lot on your plate to deal with. Is there a family member or friend that could help so you could rest some?

Mrs J I understand what you are feeling about your daughters position, been x an that road myself, but it will work itself out. The thing is we never stop being Mums and worrying, even when they are grown up, do we? I believe it is the hardest job in the world, lot harder than doing any physical job, but we do our best.

Hope tomorrow is a good day for you both.

Pam x

Thanks Spacejacket

sounds like we are all having a bad time…your poor daughter, i can’t think of much worse, I hope she’s okay, but now i have this comical picture in my head of you stuck between a bed and a wall!..I’m glad you managed to get up again.

Take care Michelle x

Thank you for your kind words Pam

My good friend has just picked Molly up for a couple of hours ,and Ben has gone out with one of his friends, so peace for a while, just me and Frazer…poor dog just noticed Molly has dressed him a big t shirt he does look funny!

Lee’s home tomorrow night and then away again for 4 days next week, thankfully the children will be back in school, and i have my 2 lovely carers… in fact it is Christine my Friday carer that has just picked up Molly…she’s amazing she’s my real life Mary Poppins, i love her so much I don’t know what i’d do without her, she’s a good friend as well as a carer.

Michelle x

Hello Michelle.

You can’t beat a bit of MS to compound life’s extraordinary ongoing issues. It must be so draining having to deal with your children-it’s such a mixture of emotions. Once again I find myself humbled by your courage and fortitude. Big support and hugs coming up the A21/M25/M40/M42/M6/M56. (((((((((())))))))))))

Steve x

Hi Michelle, I am so impressed with your attitude to life and feel very humbled about how you just get on with things. My youngest daughter is at uni just now training to be a community disability nurse and she is on a placement just now. She sees first hand how people have to cope.

I love hearing your stories about your children and your assistance dog Frazer. I am sure if you had the energy you could write a book about your adventures.

Sending big (HUGS),

Mags xx

Thanks Steve…you are so kind,

Lee’s back now but away again on Tuesday, ironically he’s working at Guide dogs, as their additional needs manager,and sometimes he has to travel across the country accessing people with mobility problems they have recently trained people who are visually impaired and are also wheelchair users…Its been a real learning curve for me, infact i feel quite humbled, my problems are nothing compared to some of the people he sees. Its funny because Frazer should have been a guide dog he was originally trained by them but didn’t meet the grade as he has a very slight cataract in one eye but this wasn’t a problem for Canine Partners who trained him for me…so he’s kind of had a career change .

Bens a bit better since his dads come home, he gets so stressed by his exams its so hard for him having aspergers he’s very bright but gets very anxious and Molly is so lovable but a bundle of trouble, we nearly got kicked out of M and S on Friday…someone told her off and she had a major meltdown, it was so bad they called the security guard but once he saw me and Frazer and I explained about her having autism he was okay.

Take care, I hope you and your wife and little Girl are all okay.

Love Michelle x

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Hello Robin,

Thank you for your kind words, I bet your so proud of your daughter, My older son went to uni and trained to be a rehabilitation worker for the blind, i think he was partly drawn to a caring role because of his siblings.

I’d love to write a book… but I’d want it to be a happy one that made people feel positive…maybe one day.

Take care Love Michelle x

Michelle, even when you are having a bad day your posts are positive. I think it’s because you have such a great writing style that even when you are describing a terrible day your strength and positivity shines through. Don’t dealt writing that book you are inspirational.

ann x

Michelle raise yourself to your full hight shoulders back and look the world straight in the eye and tell it your in charge!

Make yourself a cuppa two or three biccies now smile.

If that don’t work screaming and shouting won’t change nothing but it lets off some steam, then do as above.

Hugs from Margate XXX

Don

Thanks Don, I’ll do that maybe not the biccies though… I’m getting fatter now that i’m in the chair …oh joy! …and also the M and S biscuits aren’t my favourite just now…since we nearly got kicked out of their Chester store on Friday after Molly’s spectacular melt down, fuelled by being told off by a member of staff for trying to grab a sample!

I just can’t keep myself out of trouble!..poor Frazer what a life he has with me!

I’m waving Don xxx

Thanks Ann,

That is so nice of you to say…but i have to admit its sometimes a battle to think happy thoughts…I always find coming on here makes me feel better,there are a lot of lovely people on this forum and its impossible to stay sad for long.

I’d love to write a book, but i want to write one first for Rosanna my 24 year old who also has autism… both her and Molly and Ben are affected by autism, I often feel like saying ( here’s one I made earlier! ) …I feel for Rosanna she seems to be the worst affected of them by autism she doesn’t live at home now, but is in a residential house for people with learning difficulties…by the way we have 7 children…3 boys and 4 girls ranging from 12 to 27 …not that it matters, but all from the same daddy! poor Lee he’s a saint!

Take care Michelle x

Hi Michelle, your life sounds as chaotic as mine, 6 children from 27 to 5, one with special needs 6 different dads( 1 biological 5 adopted lol) like you said not that it matters. it’s amazing what you can do with Ms when you have to function for other people. I often wonder how I did not have more spare time before I was sick considering how long it takes me to do everything now.

ann x