Ended Relationship

Hi everyone, thank you for this great forum. The reason I’m writing this post is just to get my feelings out. I hope you understand, comments are welcome of course.

I don’t have MS, but was in a relationship that was getting serious when she found out she had MS, or probably, I don’t really know. She (39) has 4 kids, I (42) have 2. She ended our relationship quickly, I didn’t get to choose, but I was (and still am) willing to continue to see if we would have worked out, regardless of health problems. It had looked promising.

Her reasons, like many others here are very rational. I understand and respect them - to protect me and my kids from the burden of the disease, to focus her energy where it needs to be, on her health and her kids while she figures out what life is like now. In the meantime, I’ve focused my energy on reading all about it, what life could be like etc., what would I be getting myself into and I feel selfish for wanting the relationship when she obviously has too much on her plate. I would like to be beside her, to help and care, but can’t. I feel selfish for considering not being with her. She said I’d have no trouble finding a fun, beautiful, healthy person, which hurt so badly and if that does eventually happen, I’ll feeling guilty I’m sure, even though I didn’t have the choice. I’ve seen the Dr. for depression and now am on medication for that. I can imagine if it’s doing that to me, what it must do to her.

She says she does have a great support network. I imagine it is completely overwhelming to receive the diagnosis, nevermind deal with life’s other issues. Her having support is the only thing that gives me some comfort about her decision.

I feel like the biggest hurt is the feeling of not being able to provide the love and support to someone you care about when they are in need. Then the selfish feelings, what’s most important right now is that she quickly implements her Drs. plans and doesn’t have me to distract her. Nevermind the feelings that my problems are nothing compared to hers, or many others, and guilty for not “just getting the big picture”.

hi rusty

you have obviously given this a lot of thought.

especially focussing on what it could be like.

i was diagnosed when i’d been with my husband 32 years.

immediately i offered him a get out of jail free card but he was horrified and offended.

he probably wishes now that he’d taken his chance.

you deserve to be happy although not being able to care for and support her will make that difficult.

getting used to being single takes some doing.

i suggest that for now you just take baby steps to carving out a new routine.

go to the pub on your own.

take your kids away for a week.

also prioiritise your mental health because you are important.

carole x

Thank you Carole, you’re a kind and thoughtful person, it comes through. No, your husband doesn’t wish he’d taken his chance. I imagine those thoughts of yours are normal to have, thinking your partner regrets things. He doesn’t regret the opportunity to be with you.

thanks rusty.

we have spent the day together without him making comments which seem snide to me, perhaps i’m being a bit touchy!

let us know how you get on because that’s what makes this forum work so well.

take care

carole x

Yeah my wife tried to get rid of me too at the first sign of Ms,and it does seem from posts i have seen on here before its a pretty common response.She gave up on that idea i guess after about 6 months.

If we hadn’t been together so long(10 years+ at time) and just starting to get serious i don’t think i would have been able to wear her down.Its bloody hard sometimes and very frustrating being able to do nothing to make it any better for her.Although i want to do my best to support her and hope i am strong enough to cope and be here forever no matter what is needed, i wouldn’t wish it on anyone to be honest.