I’ve come here as I just really need some advice as I’m struggling at the moment. 3 years ago I met this amazing girl and we started a relationship. Things were great. A few months in, she had tests done on an issue with her leg. I can’t say I thought much of it at the time…why would you? We were in our early 30s. While these tests were going on, our relationship continued to progress and we got engaged. That was a year ago. In recent months things have started to change. Her symptoms are getting worse and she finally got the diagnosis of MS. Now I find myself really confused, torn and generally struggling to cope with it all. I’m starting to hate myself for feeling this way too. Like anyone else, I had my dreams of my future life and have worked hard to get to where I am today and towards achieving those dreams. I wanted to get married, have kids, buy a nice 4 or 5 bedroom house with a big garden for the kids and dog to play in, travel the world…do the Machcu Picchu trek, explore the rainforest etc. My job is very demanding of my time with long hours that are not flexible. It’s common for me to be working 13/14 hour days. Since the diagnosis I find myself feeling like all that is slipping away. With the way her symptoms have got worse over the past 3 years, then I fear that she will lose her mobility sooner rather than later. She has also demonstrating quite frequent mood swings where I seem to get caught in the crossfire more often than not. Because of all these things going on in my head, our level of intimacy has dropped to almost non-existent which has led to me being accused of being interested in someone else. I’m just so scared right now that if we continue in our relationship then things will get worse and we will end up hating each other. She wants me to be strong and support her and I try. I really do. But I’m crumbling inside. I feel like a complete asshole for not being sure that I can do this. You’re meant to support the person you love through anything but I don’t know if I can. I watched my mum care for my grandmother in her later years as she suffered with dementia and saw the toll it took on her. I also watched my uncle care for my aunt as she deteriorated through a progressive illness. When I look at him now, I fear ending up like him. They didn’t have children together due to the nature of my aunt’s illness and my uncle regrets it so much. He had to give up his job due to the stress of caring for my aunt and is so bitter about it all. I’m so scared that if I stay in this relationship then I’ll end up like him too. I don’t want that. Whenever I think that I can’t stay in the relationship because I don’t know that I’m strong enough to be a carer and watch the person I love deteriorate and lose her ability to do the things she loves, then I just feel like the most horrible person in the world. I just don’t know what to do and I feel like I’m drowning. I don’t feel like I can talk to my family or friends about it as I think they’d look at me like I’m complete scum for even thinking about ending the relationship over an illness. I know I need to make a decision but I just feel like whatever I decide, it will be wrong. I know nobody can tell me what to do, that it is my decision alone, but I just need something.