'Drunk' and 'disorderly' in ASDA :( HELP!!

New diagnosis and before diagnosis
1

Well that was an eventful day… with my eyesight not too bad today, and tremors that didnt seem bad, I decided I would be able to drive to asda and do a little shopping.

What a mistake that was! I think the effort of getting there (bout 5 mins in the car) was a bit too much… so as I stumbled out of my car I was thinking, ‘ok, get a trolley to lean on, but Im here now, so get on with it.’ My own personal pep talk over with, I did indeed get a trolley, picked up a couple of bits, felt dizzy, left leg decided to go numb, right arm decided to start jerking all over the place; so there was I stumbling, leaning and jerking and feeling like a complete wally!

So, I gave up and went to the checkout. Managed to put the 4 things into a bag, then came time to pay :s Well, my brain thought otherwise… I totally forgot my pin number, and right arm jerking so much even if I did remember it I wouldnt have been able to type it in. People in the queue looking at me like Im some kind of idiot as I stand there blank faced trying to remember my pin. Gave up on that, and luckily I had enough cash on me, so paid, but as I walked away (red faced) I distinctly heard the woman behind me call me a ‘lush’ and that I was p*ssed :frowning: With my fuddled brain and the embarrasment of it all, I couldnt even think of a great retort (very unlike me!).

How on earth do people who have got MS (I do not have a dx) get ‘used’ to being judged by ignorant people? And how do people with neurological problems leave the house? Ive sat at home for weeks, and now I fear going out on my own.

HELP!

2

I often work with children who have autism. We advise parents to have a card with them stating they have autism (NAS have them and the police often have them for adults). Then if they have a crisis in the supermarket they can hand it out to anyone who makes a rude comment to explain that they aren’t being naughty. You could make your own up as it may make you feel better and avoids confrontation. Could make them think twice about judging others.

3

Hi Paulamah

I am so sorry you had to endure the ignorant nasty comments of others . However on the otherside of things, appearances are decieving. It is all well and good when you have an illness that is visable but when there are no signs that someone is ill people believe the worst of them if they seem to be acting in a manner that is not considered ‘normal’. It is so wrong but it is the society we live in and unfortnately I don’t think that will change.

I can relate to some of what you are going through as this week I too forgot my pin number and felt so embarrassed and flustered at the till with a queue of people behind me (although no one said anything), it was the first time this had ever happened to me so I was very upset, I haven’t been in a shop to use my card again but i’m sure when I do I will be very anxious.

As for how people dx’d with MS cope with the ignorance of others, I honestly don’t know. I am in the process of being tested so am not diagnosed. However, I am quite a ‘gobby’ person so if I ever found myself in that situation I think I would probably turn around to the rude person and embarrass them by telling them exactly what is wrong with me and point out their ignorance! As I say though I do have a big mouth and that wouldn’t be for everyone.

I hope you somehow find the confidence to go out again, take care of yourself

Claudette x

4

Ask for a chip and signature card instead so you don’t have to worry about forgetting your pin.

5

What a horrible experience

(((((hugs)))))

I’m with Claudette - I’d give someone like that what for! Loud voice: “Madam, I am not drunk. I have a disabling neurological illness. Thankfully it does not affect my manners. What is it that you have wrong with you that makes you so woefully ignorant and judgemental?” or words to that effect.

GGGRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Whatever happens, remember that it is THEM who is the problem, not you. You have nothing to be ashamed of.

Karen x

6

People can be so judgemental without knowing a thing about us.Gosh I do feel for you.

Ive had this attitude many times,on the bus,up the school,recently in the local village hall and local church.Supposed to be christians?

In a way your lucky it was only a lush.I am tattooed and piercings.Pll judge me simply for that.They think I would rob them blind or burgle there home.However now I have moved home and area I find many older people are polite and except me and we have beome friendly.

Adds please excuse spelling my brain is not controlling my hands.

Peoples comments can be so cruel.Now due to ticks n twitches,spasms,tremors etc I am now called a heroin addict and a smackhead even an alcholic,yup I need a 10 bag as I am in desprate need of a hit.

I usaly ignore the comments,the long disgusted stares.

However I did go to the local village hall and watch my childs school concert and the girl guides.I was kind of ok there,I had walked in with my crutches.Tattoo,s and piercings on display.But thats ok I didnt take my wallet,no one said we had to pay.Lucky I know a local councilor who works in the community he said just go and sit down.I still got stared at from the ignorant.Then on the Tuesday we were having a Jubilee celibration at the local church,again my child and her classmates were singing and recorder club.

Well I sat there with terrible tremors,I managed to control the top half of my body but that seemed to make the tremors in my legs worst.Well one of my neigbours and her friends who know me did come along and sat by me defiant to the comments and stares from others directed at me.I could clearly see the stares and I am sure comments were made,I was disgusted and if I wasnt in a church I would of stood up and said something,these are supposed to be christians it is NOT there place to judge but GODs and GODs alone.

The headmaster did say ohh what you done I was so feeling ill by then my speach was slurred,I replied slurring,noting I said I have Multiple Sclerosis,WHAT the grrrrrr…

Yes I usaly ignore it and have a good old moan to a friend.But this in a church made me angry very angry.

So I suppose like many others we ignore it and plain and simple they are ignorant.

7

Hello,

Karen’s response to the ignorants is great.

With regard to the PIN number; I have mine typed in my mobile, as I often forget it.

I also use my mobile for reminders of what I need to do, buy etc.

Go to the calendar in your mobile and add an entry. You can set an alarm time to remind you of tasks, shopping lists etc.

I am learning to plan my like around, work, meds, naps etc.

Don’t try to do too much in one day.

Take care

Clare

8

Hi, I have a neurological condition on top of a (probable) MS. I have Tourette’s syndrome too. I also have a child with TS and ADHD and a brother with Autism. (Yes, we’re a family of nutjobs LOL)

If I stayed at home every time I made a weird noise or my vocal and motor tics were waxing again I would rarely leave the house.

You have to grow a thick skin and get on with it. Live your life and don’t even look at anyone else. That’s how I cope with it.

If I stayed home every time I had a vocal or motor tic that would cause me embarrassment I would never leave the house. That’s not an option. I have kids and am a single mum. Life goes on.

My aim is not to be rude to them but to educate them.

Many people have aked me if I have a cold (sniffing tic) a cough (kind of a grunting tic) or even if I am belching! I do make strange sounds, many different sounds like grunting, snorting, clicking etc.

Sometimes when I am sat with my friend having coffee in a cafe in town I can see people turn to see who is making the weird noises. I usually just smile at them :slight_smile:

Sometimes, if they seem bothered, I will just tell them I have Tourette’s. I did have a bad experience once in the cinema when a man made it quite clear throughout the film that I was annoying him. I wasn’t prepared for this and got a bit upset. My husband (at the time, now separated) leaned over and told the man I had Tourette’s and had every right to be there. His reply? “So do I!” He was a well-to-do sort with a snotty face and voice to match.

Now normally I am ready for people like that but that time I wasn’t.

I still think education is the key although sometimes there are people who are too ignorant to listen. I can usually guage which ones they are just by their appearance and what they say or the way they look. Those I don’t usually even bother with because they won’t listen anyway.

Waste of my breath.

My (ex) husband’s dad has Cerebellar Ataxia and has had many minor strokes that have left him somewhat disabled with slurred speech, poor balance etc. The ex took his dad to the shop one day and he was slurring his speach at the tilll. The young chap who served him said something like “had a lttle bit too much to drink did we sir?” My ex took offense and called him an ignorant so-and-so and explained that his dad was NOT drunk but had had several strokes! The woman behind him clapped and said “Well done”. LOL. People are going to presume. It’s how you deal with it that matters though. You could smile and say “yeah, too right I’m drunk!” hehe.

I don’t know, you can have a few of your own special come-backs. Right a few down at home and practice them. I find it easier to deal with people when you are a lttle prepared. You are then, at least half way there. If you can’t think of anything to say just smile :slight_smile:

9

I really would get a chip and signature card rather than putting your pin in your mobile.

10

Oh, meant to add. The TS charity Tourette’s Action do I.D card type things that you can keep on you. Wear around your neck or pin on your top etc or jsut keep in your handbag. It had your details on it with a doctors signature to say you have Tourette’s so you can show it if you ever need to. I know a few kids (and adults) who have them. I don’t suppose the MS Society does them? Even if you didn’t want to wear something you could make up your own little credit card sized cards on the internet with a brief explanation of your condition so you can just hand them out if you wanted to. I know people who have also done this for Tourette’s. I arrange annual ‘Ticnics’ in Hyde Park every summer and I bring cards with me in case anyone feels they want to hand them out. Sometimes we have those with severe TS who do have the swearing part (Coprolalia). It’s amazing just how ignorant people are to a condition because they have no reason to learn about it. It’s not a deliberate ignorance mostly. It’s just that we don’t all know everything about every condition out there. Give people a chance I say. It’s amazing how many people you can chat to and end up having conversations with them and you walk away knowing you have also educated someone else :wink:

11

Anonymous,

What is a chip and pin signature card? Excuse my igonrance.

I have my pin on my mobile as a coded mobile number but if there is a more secure way, then I really should be using that.

Thanks in advance.

Clare

12

You have to contact your bank as they aren’t keen on giving them out. I believe that when you put your card in it prompts for a signature instead. The Alzheimer’s society recommend them.

13

Thank you so much for the replies! I usually am quite gobby, but feeling ill for about 11 weeks now means that my confidence is at an all time low. Its just so awful how judgemental some people are. As you have all said, when you cant see an illness, its difficult for people to comprend.

Thank you all its good to be able to vent here xx

14

Sorry for your experience Paula. People are so ignorant, aren’t they? You have done nothing wrong so don’t feel bad. Hold your head high and ignore these people. Karen’s advice is sound. Perhaps you can have your answer ready to deliver if people are rude again. Keep your chin up. Teresa xx

15

I’m so sorry for the bad experiences shared on here it makes me so sad. I only said to a friend today the last 11 was has been a real eye opener, I am in process of diagnosis have LP in two weeks. I now watch people’s expression and get comment in before they do, I also laugh a lot even when I don’t feel like it and I have no worries about offending anyone who is rude first! at first my neuro thought I had tumor so the first person that was shocking with me in a shop I turned around and said with a smile on my face “I can see you are irritated but imagine how irritated I was when my neurologist said I have a possible brain tumor” I then just stared at her. the lady in question soon changed her attitude! laughter is my favorite though so I usually think of something childish and humorous, may be we should have ms comedian road show with our experiences!

16

I was out on Friday night - lovely place, one of those new gastro-pubs. I shared a bottle of wine with a friend, over two hours. When I got up to the loo I knew I was walking ‘drunk’, not from the wine but the usual MS unbalanced walk. Two women started talking and pointing, so I went over and said very loudly, ‘I’m so sorry for your ignorance. You only had to ask. I have MS which is why my balance is bad. What’s your excuse for your rudeness?’. Well, you could hear a pin drop. And a guy gave me a little round of applause. I bowed slightly then walked away with my head held high. One for the MS team, I think!

Choochyx

17

choochyx that’s brilliant! made me smile and I’ve logged that response as well (let’s hope I remember!) xx

18

Thank you all so much for the smiles and for the advice :smiley:

I think because I have not been diagnosed with anything other than Fibromyalgia (for 2 years) so far, I find it difficult to say there is something wrong me. I think if/when I am diagnosed I may be able to come up with a brilliant retort (if I remember :s) and this limboland has totally drained my confidence. When I go out with my partner, I am ok. But it’s like I feel very fragile right now. My balance is not great and I seem to do sideways steps alot, so holding onto my partner means I stay upright and not too offbalance. I also find my words slur and I say the wrong word or forget what I am saying.

I feel I have gone from being a very young 48 year old, to being an old woman, and that has really knocked my confidence. I feel tired, achey, this stupid jerky arm, I have numb patches, my right leg feels really heavy, and my eyesight is appalling. And all this over a period of 12 weeks. I guess I just feel very vulnerable at the moment really.

Again, thank you all and I am wishing you all a good hour/day/week/month. You are all so amazing to take the time and effort to support me and I feel very blessed to have found this site xxxx

19

You poor thing, i know the feeling exactly!!!

4 weeks ago something started to happen when i was out with my parents, i started getting uncontrollably jerking and jolting then my leg went numb and i could barely walk, baring in mind we are in a shopping centre that is packed. We sat down in a coffee shop to see if it would settle but it didnt and jst got worse, soo many people were staring and laughing i cried so hard trying to get back to the car. That night i was admitted into hospital and still awaiting diagnosis. I get so embarassed going out incase it starts, struggle to drive because my foot jolts suddenly of the clutch and revs. So honestly i know the feeling, dont let people get you down honestly there not worth it! You keep going girl! You have all our support so you know u can always talk to us when its getting to you.

Keep your chin up sweet!

Poppy :slight_smile: x

20

Thanks Poppy xx

I think, for me, the fact that I havent worked now for 12 weeks means that I am also bored out of my mind. I have always been so active and right now the lack of energy and the tiredness means I am stuck indoors far too much. I have been setting myself tiny goals each day, something as mundane as clearing out a drawer/cupboard, just so that I dont just sit in front of the tv! xx