My first post, it’s taken a long time to get to this point. My husband was diagnosed 12 years with PPMS. For various reasons our relationship has completely broken down (I think it was on it’s way out before his diagnosis). For financial reasons (very long and complicated) we live in the same house and I share his care (whilst working part time) with our youngest son (who is neurodivergant). My husband has become very dependant on us.
My problem is that I resent hugely having to look after him - I feel totally trapped in a situation that I have no control over. If he didn’t have MS I would have left him several years ago. I hate myself for feeling like this - how could I leave a severely disabled person? Who does that? I just see the future as long and bleak stretching out in front of me. It wouldn’t be a problem if the relationship was good - I don’t resent the concept of caring at all. I resent having any choices taken away from me and being with someone I no longer love or will ever trust again.
Does this make me a truly awful person? It feels like it. Finding it very hard to bounce back up at the moment.
You are not an awful person, just a regular person in an enormously difficult position. Whatever decisions you take, you and others will have an opinion, however the only opinion that I think you need to concern yourself with is yours and your children.
I wish all of you the best in these tough circumstances.
Mick
Of course it doesn’t make you an awful person, just a normal person doing her best in rotten circumstances and dealing with some very bad luck. Saints are the odd ones out - most of us are not cut from that cloth. I’m certainly not, and maybe you aren’t either. We all do our best, but sometimes life asks more than we have to give and that’s painful but also normal and does not make us bad people.
There’s a coincidence, im onboard the titanic with you!..unfortunately i don’t have the answer we both seek (yet) but i do have some valid advice…
However & as soon as you can, take some time out for yourself.
If this sounds selfish its meant to be, you HAVE to put yourself first to be able to move forward together, in whatever direction you each think leads to a bow. (Ships front end)
Lifes about the journey, not water & icebergs and its better to come from a broken relationship than to live it.
Oh god! I don’t envy you one bit. As others have indicated, if you don’t love or even like him then best to get it over with as painlessly as possible. I’m saying this as the partner with MS in my marriage so, I’m pretty sure that if my wife stopped loving or liking me I would detect/ become aware of that and would hate to have MS and an empty marriage ( such misery). For your own comfort and peace of mind you could make sure that care/ support arrangements are put in place for him (personally and in case anything happens to my wife - illness, road traffic accident etc, I have thought about and explored what I could do )