Dodgy Christmas presents

Merry Christmas everybody.

At this time of year just after Christmas Day I do like to have a laugh with people and share our terrible Christmas Presents.

Unfortunately this year I have nothing to report as all my presents were perfect. Although I have had horrors in years gone by.

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my darling husband has a jokey theme around my christmas presents.

very odd, weird and this year very wrong!

i had 5 parcels with numbers 1 - 5 on.

they had to be opened in order.

1 - wrist sweat bands

2 - forehead sweat band

3 - leotard!

4 - jar of bath goodies

5 - a selection of miniature gins.

theme was : hit the gym, have a long soak, have a gin and tonic.

makes me wonder if he has ever met me! (apart from the gin)


I can’t win, last year I got something useless, this year he tried to give me the same thing, so I got nothing from my OT.

next year I’m cancelling Christmas.

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I once got some leopard print candles from my aunt (little glass jars with leopard print paint on the outside and candles in). Never, ever would anyone look at leopard print and think of me. She took great delight in telling me that she get them from the Oxfam shop, which would have been fine if they hadn’t been well used!!! (It wasn’t that she was old and a bit odd! Well it wasn’t that she was old )

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A few years ago my partner got a glow-in-the-dark toilet roll from his brother and sister-in-law. We thought that maybe that we the jokey part of his present but no, he JUST got the toilet roll. To make matters worse, it said on the wrapper that it should be used on skin!!!

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So far the well used leopard print candles are well out in front although the others are rather odd. A toilet roll that shouldn’t be used on skin - erm?

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I got a present of a candle from my friend in America, but it came with a warning sticker that said

keep away from naked flame ??



The best dodgy present I’ve had was a few years ago when hubby and I along with his parents all got a knitted jumper from his aunt Trixie. She must of got them from a market stall or something because none of us could get our heads through the holes. The necks were too small!

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they should have sent a shrunken head to go with the jumpers!

My 8 year old got a 100 piece jigsaw puzzle, so I thought - this will keep my brain cells working.

I couldn’t complete the outside frame for ages, I finally counted all the pieces and there were only 79!

What’s the etiquette for telling the present-giver their present is crap?

Dr A

After the age of 10 you start to lose brain cells. That is why adults can never do jigsaw puzzles, Rubik’s cubes or find Knock Knock jokes funny.

My OT told me doing jigsaws would be good for me, so I cheat at jigsaws! I have a jigsaw puzzle app on my tablet and got my sister and my niece using it too! Rubik’s cube defeated me though years ago (just made me even more bored) and knock knock jokes run out by the time your about 10, so you’ve probably heard em’ all!

I’m an 18 st bloke and I got a women’s size 16 pair of joggers, there are pictures of me trying to squeeze into them but I thought best not

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Sorry about the above don’t know what went wrong

Thanks for sparing us…


Toblerone - why didn’t I tell people I don’t like Toblerone instead of enthusing about it when given it as a Christmas gift some years ago. Six, yes six of them - what should I do with them - answers on a postcard.

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p[ace them roughly up the bum of the person who is annoying you the most.

i’d do it to each and every member of this government.

your six could do some damage!

Useless present… pair of fine woollen gloves. Thoughtful friend knows I get cold hands.

But find it very difficult to straighten the fingers on my left hand so difficult to put knitted gloves on. Prefer large sheepskin or ski gloves.

Took them back to M an S, showed the assistant my problem. Given a gift card. Spent it on a pair of jeggings - no zips or buttons to deal with so ideal!!


PS Toblerone have a picture hidden in the mountain logo… only found out yesterday. Not saying what as you’ll all have to find out for yourselves!! Don’t tell.

The worst idea, ever,is to start competing with relatives to deliberately buy the worst present, gets a bit embarassing when you don’t realise which present is the ‘joke’! For a long time I thought you could only buy Toblerone at airports, stems from my dad’s job!always the fallback option if he forgot to buy us anything from his frequent trips,then colleagues visiting would do the same!There were 3 of us,so always Toblerone in our house. lol