Can't believe it's been a year. (Not ms really)

Today is my daughters first birthday I’m so excited as many of you may know she sleeps at my mums. Got up this morning and feel like I’ve been hit by a bus yesterday cake and balloons to pick up card to get a few little presents to get. Maybe suffering today but it was a good day. They think she triggered my first relapse. Last summer I couldn’t do anything with her. I thought things were improving after a few months then I dropped her. I wouldn’t change her for the world. I feel sorry for my son who knew the old me and I wS a whirlwind always out for the day somewhere so he misses it. She will never know. I tried for a year for my daughter and nothing was happening things weren’t great at home so not surprising I wasn’t pregnant. Then decided to have no more kids was too much stress. My dog is in tune with my hormones and he steals the socks from my feet guaranteed an hour later my period would start. I remember being on the phone to my mum screaming f**k off to my dog as he stole my socks. 4 months later, £1500 down the drain for a course I never finished a bottle of champagne 50 shades of grey and me demanding my marital rights.andwillow was conceived. Then a huge bleed at 10 weeks no sleep for 2 days till I got a scan and she was ok was a pregnancy bloodclot no lifting for 10 weeks. Just got over that and I got the flu and couldn’t breathe and they though my waters had broke at 24 weeks. Again everything worked out. Month before my date my blood pressure really dropped and palpitations ended up in hospital again. Everything ok And a week after my due date willow arrived. Now I know willow isn’t a standard name. But at that point I felt so trapped with life she was going to be called Sophie still love the name but Sophie has become really popular so I chose willow. Because it sounds like a free name someone who is calm and enjoys life. Ironic no pain relief at all and now I’m on countless drugs. I’ve always pleased people so I’m happy with my name choice. Though she’s funny her brother is placid and calm and likes pleasing. Willow is also calm but If she’s not pleSed you get a slap (working on that one to get her to not do it.) and she’s got no patience. But she also is very mischievous her eyes dance when she’s up to no good like trying to drink from the dogs bowl It took a few months and we wondered why after having had such a difficult pregnancy did I manage to carry her to term and have her survive, she also ended up in special nursery as I have strep b and have so quick labours the antibiotics didn’t have time to work so shed breathing difficulties and was in hospital for a week. But she has to be meant for a reason and I’m glad she’s in my life. Not quite how I imagined life would be. Anyway sorry the rambling. Gonna go put on make up and go round for a birthday kids and cuddle Em X

Have a lovely day EM Gray xxx

willow is a beautiful name. joan armatrading song “willow” - i’ll be your shelter in a storm, your willow.

enjoy your children em

hope you all have a lovely day

happy birthday willow

carole x

It’s clear from your post that your children are what give you the strength to keep going. Enjoy Willow’s birthday, you already have so many happy memories from just a year of her life. Have a good day with your family xx

Have a great day Em, for once tonight, I hope you are knackered because of fun instead of fatigue!!!

And birthday cake does not have any calories so enjoy

JBK x

Happy Birthday Willow…sorry it`s late.

luv Granny Polly xxx

Thanks everyone had a great day. Was bloody tired and sore but was a lovely lunch the cake was awesome it wS Iced with white sparkly icing and had a massive pink icing now on the top again sparkly with little sparky pink butterflies. And white sparkly icing wishing her happy birthday I was do impressed wish I could post a pick Anyway I went home let her see her dad for half an hour went out to the utility room and had a good cry and a fag (I know they’re bad for u) I had half a glass of wine with lunch ANC with my meds made me feel so sleepy Then once everything was over son was with his dad, willow was back at mums I feel asleep on the sofa then crawled to bed at 2 had a long lie this morning did nothing but veg but felt better for if had burnt out. And this afternoon me and willow had Icecream and played with her castle awesome. My dog tried tl steal it too Made the mistake Of giving her a spoon tl eat choc mouse yogurt as a treat. Her diets really healthy. Well if was every where lol. The entend the gunge coming from her nose was chocolate tainted lol.

Thanks everyone had a great day. Was bloody tired and sore but was a lovely lunch the cake was awesome it wS Iced with white sparkly icing and had a massive pink icing now on the top again sparkly with little sparky pink butterflies. And white sparkly icing wishing her happy birthday I was do impressed wish I could post a pick Anyway I went home let her see her dad for half an hour went out to the utility room and had a good cry and a fag (I know they’re bad for u) I had half a glass of wine with lunch ANC with my meds made me feel so sleepy Then once everything was over son was with his dad, willow was back at mums I feel asleep on the sofa then crawled to bed at 2 had a long lie this morning did nothing but veg but felt better for if had burnt out. And this afternoon me and willow had Icecream and played with her castle awesome. My dog tried tl steal it too Made the mistake Of giving her a spoon tl eat choc mouse yogurt as a treat. Her diets really healthy. Well if was every where lol. The entend the gunge coming from her nose was chocolate tainted lol.

Sorry didn’t mean to post twice