Brain has taken a holiday - feeling sorry for myself!

New diagnosis and before diagnosis
1

Hi guys

feel a bit of a doughnut posting here, but hey ho.

Had a terrible weekend with my brain. We took our son out on Saturday, and had to cut the afternoon short because my brain crashed. We’d had a nice potter around on a train, and into some craft shops, then we went into a “paint your own ceramci” shop and my brain collapsed. The guy was chattering about all the different designs, and different items which could be painted, and I was thinking about Christmas presents and who we could paint something for. Then the plug was pulled and it was information overload. There was a slight slope in the floor and it was like I was on a steep slope trying to keep my balance. So we went home without painting a pot!

Yesterday wasn’t much better, we had to change plans to go to the waterpark and went to the cinema instead. Watching Turbo in 3D was interesting to say the least!! lol. I sat in the car whilst my husband went to the supermarket afterwards. Thinking about what to buy, and what to eat, and what recipe to make?? NOOOOOOO

So last night I text my boss and asked to work from home. Now, I have somebody important coming in today,re: VAT but we have remote apps,so I can still email, message and speak (if necessary). My boss was ok, but it was as if she thought I had a choice? I mean - drive to work, and walk down from my car, and be in a worse position, or stay here and give myself some hope of getting some work done? Otherwise, I’d have to call in sick, and I don’t get paid, and I can’t afford that right nopw.

Didn’t go as planned as my father in law came to pick up my son (and we haven’t told him about what’s been happening), and he stayed for quite some time, and my son needed peeling off the ceiling with grandad here. I just sat, and hoped they’d go soon, and I knew my brain was crashing.

I feel like a computer who’s hard drive is knackered!

I wonder what is wrong, and I wonder if I’ll get a dx? I know I haven’t been waiting long, and seeing a private neuro is very speedy. But this brain of mine is my tool for what I do, and it’s just giving up on me.

And for the first time, I actually cried yesterday, because I thought it was all ok, and I could cope with these things going on. And my brain came back for a couple of weeks, so I thought - hey, there must be nothing wrong with me, and I’m find. And then BANG…bye bye brain

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Oh, {hugs}! I know just how you feel, Morph. Some days when its my turn to cook I just cannot plan the meal and have to ask hubby for suggestions. I’m the same at the supermarket - unless I’ve gradually compiled a list beforehand, I just go blank (and those big shop fluorescent lights make me feel odd, too). I work at home, for myself. I’ve been struggling to have the energy and clarity to do what I actually love doing. I’m just grateful to be supported by my hardworking hubby and bring in what I can. I used to really struggle in employment, every now and again and can’t help but wonder if I’ve actually been unwell for longer than I realise. I love affirmations (positive thinking/feeling, retraining thinking patterns to help instead of hinder) and this morning I came up with a new one to go alongside 'Out of this situation, only good will come ’ (from Louise Hay); my new one is ‘Thankyou for a clear diagnosis’. I know I’ll get there and when I do, whatever the outcome, I’ll be supported. Going to give my brain a rest now and watch TV :slight_smile:

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Oh Morph! You’re not alone, I get several days where I just wake up and have a good cry too! Some days are harder than others and you just need to take each day at a time. I often set myself a little task list of what I’d like to get done and I do that. That can be really helpful for me.

I’ve been signed off as my job is just too much for me and I’ll be a liability if I actually go in. So until I get a diagnosis I won’t be at work anytime soon. But I ignore that and concentrate on what I can do today to make a difference for me tomorrow!

Stay strong and if you ever need a chat you can always private message. I have plenty of time and not much to fill it with at the moment- that’s why this forum is a god send for me.

And I agree with Reiki about the positivity, it really does stretch a mile and more when you stay positive.

Best of luck to you, take it easy and just remember it’s only one day, there’s always tomorrow :slight_smile:

Tsuki xx

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Completely understand! I seem to have gone from a very capable multi tasking career woman/wife/mother to someone who has problems making the most simple decisions. Its awful and so frustrating. Some days I see a bit of the old me but most of the time now even the most simple thought processes are tiring and challenging. Your comment about the slope in the floor, so with you there,anything the slightes bit slopping or even bumpy completely throws me. i thinl my brain has divorced me!! xxx

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Thanks guys. So sorry to hear about your struggles too. It’s good to know we can “sound off” as it were in here. Thanks for the positive affirmations Reiki - definitely a very excellent suggestion.

I like the idea of your task list Tsuki - good idea!! I know what you mean about brain divorcing Bunny!

Things did go from bad to worse last night, and I lost the use of my legs for a little while, and started having stomach and back spasms. I am actually great today, but that’s another thread. It’s quite amazing what happened to be honest… It might sounds nuts, and I’m not sure what you guys will think, but I need to post about it, to see what others think…

xxxx